Does an only child miss out?

I too am an only child and so was my mother. My baby sister died before I was born. I thought my father was too until he died and we discovered his half siblings which means I now have a family both in England and Australia. Growing up I was quite happy to be on my own. Having an active imagination helped although I also had a lot of friends. It was only when I had to look after my parents that I wished I had siblings - I felt the responsibility very much in spite of DH's support. I have 2 children and they and their families are quite close and I must say I envy them a little. That said I think being an only child has made me a stronger person - I am my own person - and I remain happy to be alone. One thing I remember though is learning to share. When I was small noone was allowed to play with my dolls house - they could look but not touch! When I went to college I made some very good friends and learned to share my things more freely. Overall I'm happy as I am - with the odd twinge!

I wasn't an only child but the age gap between my sister and me meant that we were not close as children and I was certainly lonely when young.

I was an only child and don't feel I missed out as I had lots of cousins and friends. I enjoy being on my own but I also enjoy the company of others increasingly so as I grow older.I used to be lacking in confidence and shied away from confrontation as I never had anyone to fight or argue with as a child but these things don't worry me now.I have three cousins who are sisters and they are very close now though they didn't used to be. I must say I sometimes envy them this closeness and all the things they do together but in general I am quite happy to have been an only child.What you've never had you don't really miss.

I was an only child, living with my parents and maternal grandparents, all of whom were anxious for me to do well academically, because their chances had been scuppered by world wars. I think I was lonely, and I was also brought up to think I was special, so I've had a few rude awakenings in my life! But I read, and read, and read, and that was their greatest gift to me.

I watch my three DC, and their children, interacting and supporting one another, and I really envy them, while being delighted to see it. It has been such an education for me.

I was an only child too. I don't think I was lonely, but I do remember asking my Mum if I could have a brother (sadly there was a stillborn brother before I was born). I obviously spent a lot of time on my own but played away quite happily and also had lots of friends. I was sent away to boarding school at 11 where you learn not only to fend for yourself, but also to share. I suppose I've always been a bit of a loner - not lonely - inasmuch as I've always got on with things and then asked - a complaint Mr.G always had about me! However I think it has helped me be strong during the last year since he died. We were both 'onlys' which is why we had 3 children, determined not to repeat history. It's sad that they don't have aunts, uncles and cousins but they have each other and are busy producing their own dynasties which I find so exciting.

I was an only child and so was my husband (not a good mix as we both tend to be a bit too self centred sometimes) On the whole I was quite happy and enjoyed my own company. I never felt particularly odd because a lot of people at school had much older siblings born before the war and were pretty much like only children themselves.
As I've got older I've thought it would have been nice to have a brother or sister and I think I always felt that if my parents hadn't had anymore they can't have enjoyed having me much. This is probably very unfair, but I think my mother preferred me when I was grown up.
The downside has been that we've had no one else to help with elderly parents. The upside is that I'm quite happy to go out and do things on my own if necessary.

I am married to an only child who had a loving relationship with his parents and lots of friends, I am one of three, again with good family relationships.

I find DH takes any criticism very personally and tends to think things through on his own until he thinks he has the perfect solution to a problem and is deeply upset when anyone suggests improvements or disagrees with him. This problem is not just a domestic one. He feels that anyone at work who comments adversely on anything he does is out to 'get' him, which they have on occasions, but not often. I put this down to never having had the edges knocked off him at home in having to defend his ideas or accept criticism of them at home from siblings who loved and supported him but made it clear his way wasnt the only way.

I had this advantage as I have two sisters who regularly saw flaws in my ideas, and me - and vice versa, I know that the fact that someone criticises you doesnt mean that they hate you and want to do you an injury. I feel that am much more mentally robust and prepared to accept that I dont(always) have the answer to everything and any criticism is probably justified and not personal. It has helped me to build many more constructive relationships and made me much more resilient generally.

Whether this is a common difference or just particular to DH and me I do not know.

Minibags is a virtual only child as the gap between her and her sisters is eighteen years. She is sociable but likes to get away from the demands of being sociable to do her own thing and be on her own at home. Bit like me, really. I was one of five.

My father was an only child but he was probably the most sociable and outgoing person I've ever known.

Being an only needn't be a hindrance, just as being one of a bunch needn't be either. We're fairly adaptable creatures.

Am the eldest of three but with 5-6 years gap between each of us. DH is youngest of four by 9-10 years so our siblings span 30 years; my youngest brother is 50 and my SiL will be 80 in May. We have different relationships with our siblings, some we see a lot & some it is just a Christmas card. I link to nephews /nieces via FB.
Not sure that it matters how many or how few siblings we have ..just about the quality of relationships within the family..however big or small! And friends we choose, family we get given!

I am not sure that number of children in family and self sufficiency are related. I am one of three each of which enjoys being by themselves and doing their own thing. One of my children has chosen neither to marry nor have children because they are not prepared to make the compromises living with other people entails, but they are happy, have lots of friends and close relationsips with other family members. The other is happily married and loves people. DH may be an only child but he hates being on his own for long.

I am one of 5 so learnt to share early on and also to argue! DH is an only child and still has difficulty in arguing without getting upset. I think that is probably the hardest thing for only children.

I think our children missed out on an extended family because DH's parents were older when he was born and so died before our children were old enough to enjoy them. I come from a disfunctional family so they were never around for my children which means they missed out from both sides. Our 3 are very close to each other although live far away. They meet whenever they can and talk by skype, email and phone all the time. I think our own lack of extended family has made us ensure they are close.

I am an only child now since my brother died. My mother lost her only sibling, her brother, when she was still in her thirties she was barely a year older than him. My step daughter lost her only full brother, who she was also very close to again they had a very narrow age gap of only 15 months. I think she is glad she has two half brothers although she didn't share the growing up years that she had with her full brother, nevertheless they are still close.

Having said all that a childhood friend of mine who I thought had a fantastic relationship with her two sibling when we were growing up has unfortunately reached a stage with both of them where their relationship has completely broken down. It's about money and the funds from their mother's home that are now being used for her care as she has dementia. My friend is the "good guy" and is doing her best to make her mother's life as good as it possibly can be, she is also the one who has always been an ongoing presence in their mother's life. Her siblings have dragged her to court on a couple of occasions. I don't know what she will do when their mother eventually dies and they have to arrange the funeral as she now hates the sight of both of them.

You can choose your friends but you are stuck with your family. I used to wish I was an only child because the age gap between siblings meant there was very little we had in common.

I wasn't an only child, but I might as well have been.

My brother was 4yrs older an didn't think I was worthy of even being spoken to

Bananas harrigran ninathenana - very sad - that's certainly given me a different slant on things.

I was an only child and was fatherless from 11. I certainly would have liked a sibling to help to share the care of my mother who lived to 101 but can't say I missed siblings as a child. However when I see friends very close relationships with family I sometimes wonder. However what we never had we can never miss.

I'm an only child. Never missed siblings growing up but now I'm older and both my parents have passed away I think it would be good to have someone who shared my memories and who'd be a friend, butmaybe I just see what I'd like to have had and not the down sides.

Even if you have siblings it doesn't mean you will get to see them and have cosy chats. One of mine lives abroad and the other lives fairly close but I only see her a few times a year and may spend the odd holiday with her. As my sister is so much younger than me she still has many years to work before she can retire.

Forzanonna - yes, it would be nice to have someone that you grew up with to share memories with but, from what others have said, it seems it doesn't always work out that way.

I haven't spoken to my sister, older by four years, for a long time.

I didn't like her as a child and I didn't like her as an adult. She's not someone I'd choose as a friend. Emotionally needy she learned to manipulate our parents at a very early age. I have memories of the grown ups wringing their hands over her. "What are we going to do about poor Ginnie?"

I kept up appearances for Mum's sake but when Mum died I stopped pretending.

But if there'd been other brothers and sisters to dilute her 'toxicity' it might have been different.

But you take what comes and put up with it.

I wasn't lonely then, even though I live alone I am not lonely now.

I'm glad I had a brother for company when we went anywhere. My boys had each other & are great friends. My daughter came along later, she had her big brothers but we frequently 'took a friend along' to keep her company. I do think it helps to teach them how to share & socialise.

This is a good question cat but a complex one Because it all depends--for eg take me for eg, the last time I saw any of my siblings was about three years ago, they dont live far from me so thats no excuse.

So it did not help me having siblings because basically we just shared a house for a few years til we all left.

But thats not to say that there arent siblings that are close as I am sure that there are. I always make a big thing about my children getting on and being there for one another so that also makes a difference.

I can also tell you that my brother in law was a much better brother to me than my own brother, If I needed help advise or gudance, when I was younger I would always go to my brother in law and never my own brother and the same applied when we were at school, our cousin went to the same school as my brother and I and I would always go to my cousin for any support and never to my brother.

To sum up then it all depends on many things but in a perfect world yes it would be nice to have a brother or a sister.

Yes an only child does miss out. Others who have difficult or non-existent relationships with siblings also miss out but that doesn't alter the fact that an only child misses out on the full range of experience from cradle to grave - on the chance to have others of an equal standing in childhood, to learn about negotiating, sharing, fighting, tolerating others because you have to; to learn that arguing doesn't have to mean the end of a relationship. In adulthood an only child misses the opportunity to share history and memories and to share the care of and loss of parents, and when they are gone it can feel that your entire history has gone with them. I had a very happy childhood, but I am very alone in my later years.

nightowl I think the point you make about learning to negotiate and share, and developing a thick skin are things that only children may well miss out on.

For me, the main thing is being unable to share memories of childhood with a sibling because, let's face it, such memories are really only of interest to those that experienced them.