Missing my dad

Mishap Sometimes close relationships are very complicated.
When I heard the news that my my dad had died (I had had no contact for many years) I felt a great weight of sadness for what might have been - and relief.

Hi grannyactivist

Obviously I was sad when my father passed away.
I was however relieved he did not have anything like cancer or dementia.
I have never been personally involved with dementia but I have seen how bad it is for the relatives.
I don't know what is going through the mind of a person with dementia.
When I visited somebody I was acquainted with dementia he seemed happy to see me but called me by the name of somebody who passed away 30 years ago.

Frank

Yes Frank you will never meet a nice woman friend on here if you keep complaining about the same things. This is good advice and meant to be helpful. Taking a bit more interest in other members would be a start. More good advice and also meant to be helpful.

When my father died I not only lost a father but the senior partner in our general practice. I had also just had my second child.

Oh, Galen! . My father died a year to the day before our middle grandson was born.... He's nothing like him!

My dad died on the morning of my eldest daughter's 26th birthday, so when I phoned her to let her know, she thought I was phoning to wish her a happy birthday. My mum, who died when she was only 56, didn't get the chance to meet her great-grandchildren, but dad did meet and hold his first one.
Anne09, I hope now that yesterday's over you can look forward again . You have lots of things to deal with, but I hope having a blether on Gransnet will help a bit.

We're all here for each other. That's one of the marvellous things about GN!

Most definitely Galen. Hope you're able to keep warm?

My father was born 100 years ago tomorrow - I find that slightly strange to contemplate. He died in April 2001 aged 88 but had wanted to go for years since losing Mum 8 years before. While I was very sad it was something of a relief as he just didn't want to be around any more, but it was a privilege to be with him at the very end - despite living 350 miles away. I made it back to Scotland and stayed over in the hospital sleeping in a reclining chair in his room for 3 days. The DDs adored him and he would have loved the little boys, but isn't that always the regret we feel? I still - 12 years on - have a nano second every Sunday night when I used to ring my parents regardless of when we had spoken in the week. One regret is the loss of many of the anecdotes which formed a part of my family history and indeed my childhood. I would urge all those who still have theor parents to ask them all those questions, listen to all those anecdotes, record them if possible but do not let them disappear.

Hi Gracemum

People take things differently.
I think it upset Dad more when my late wife passed away than Mum passing away but I think he accepted she had a good life in terms of length and happiness.
I think he got over Mum's death fairly quick and wanted to move on with life.
He wanted to see all his great grandchildren and saw 3 and he tried to keep up to date technology wise.
He was always planning a year ahead and was discussing next Christmas in the month he passed away being January.
Oddly enough Dad and me booked to go on 2 holidays just before he passed away which never happened.
I could not say to him don't book those holidays as you may not be alive at that time.
What did surprise me was Warners took the risk of Dad passing away when he was 89 and they refunded the money quickly.

Frank

Money?

Why oh why does it always come back to money? Who cares?

Hi gracesmum

I was not really bothered about the money in this case.
I just thought Warners were very good to take the risk on and pay out quickly.
Mind you they may have re sold the rooms as we were nearly 3 months away from the first booked holiday and I have been with friends since.
In my view dad did the best thing after Mum died.

Frank

I found a book that belonged to my dad today. I only have the one - and it has the most beautiful writing I have ever seen on the flyleaf. Absolutely beautiful script.
The Sanitary Inspectors Handbook - which related to his war work for the council (he was much too sick to fight) not his chosen career (art).
I think he worked in the drawing office. I did not know that before I went to work for a water company!
I have offered it to DS1 - the plumber.
Money? Schmoney. He never had any assets and did not leave me a bean. The only other thing I have of his is a bit of stained glass he made. But what I care about is that fact that he died before my 5th birthday, so I don't have more than a couple of hazy memories.

Every thread I try,I don't believe it.!!!

I wish I could say I grieved for my father, who died when I was 18, but he had never shown any interest or affection for me. I have to say he was a fair man - he showed equal lack of interest in all his four children.
I was very sorry for my mother, who for some reason adored him, and was distraught when he died, but she lived another 31 years and actually had a nicer time as a widow. She started going on coach tours where she made some very good friends, and began ballroom dancing at her local Labour club and the Over-60s group.
I really envied the girls who were 'Daddy's little princess'. My own ex husband was not much better and has taken no interest in his daughters since our divorce in 1979. He has never bought a gift for any of our ten grandchildren and does not know he has four great-grand-daughters. My daughters did both attempt to keep in touch with him, but I think his third wife (the second died after ten years, probably of boredom) had six children and numerous grandchildren and he preferred to devote his time and attention to them. His loss.

Greatnan

Well I will be taking an interest in my new grandchild when he / she arrives on about 30 March.
There will be lots of other relatives who will want to visit.
My granddaughters would like a boy but I am sure the new child will be well accepted by the family.
I am sure Andie my dog will want to see the new arrival and give him / her a woof.

Frank