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The first round of divorces - my children's peers

(32 Posts)
Grannyknot Sat 06-Apr-13 09:25:07

Neither of my children are married, my son is 36 and my daughter is 34, but they are both engaged and making wedding plans for later this year or next year. So that's exciting smile

We lived near the university when they were young adults and all their large circle of friends would use our home as a halfway house between lectures, so I got to know many of them really well and became very fond of some of them.

Many of them, and my own nieces and nephews as well as the children of my friends, married in their twenties and are now busy splitting up not quite having made 10 years. Lately I've had what feels like an avalanche of reports of these (to me) young people packing it in and it is really affecting me. All those young hopes and dreams that people have been unable to hold on to.

I suppose I just really needed to acknowledge that it is affecting me and making me feel sad, and it has made my children sad, who are embarking on the adventure of marriage for the first time.

JessM Sun 07-Apr-13 15:19:06

Agreed when - but what would be the point, I always say. Pretending to be that bubbly outgoing rhino-skinned sales person - just perfect for the role when in reality you are shy, sensitive and retiring. The one I used to use most had a pretty good lie detector scale, which when used with the rest of the profile used to flag up the occasional "faking good" person, along with one or two who on the same scale came out too bad to be true as in sent by job centre and didn't want the job grin
Also to fake a psychometric you need to know what the recruiter is looking for - and not looking for - in terms of personality.

whenim64 Sun 07-Apr-13 15:30:45

Jess one memorable appointee to a therapeutic team I worked with sabotaged her tests, told the intervewers, and convinced them she would make a useful psychologist for testing offenders whilst completing her PhD. She took a risk, but stood out from the rest and becase she gave an impressive inerview she got the job.

Sorry about the diversion...........

Movedalot Sun 07-Apr-13 15:32:22

Snap, we all seem to have the same qualification. Imo the main problem with personality tests is to decide what you are looking for. So many managers think they want people like them but the best teams are made up of a variety of people of different types.

The only tests worth using are ones which have the inbuilt lie detector but then all the reputable ones do. The first time I was tested I was amazed at how right they were. The tests showed not only the things I liked about me but also the things I was not so keen on. Since then I have found that although I know how they work they still find the real me. I don't think many would try to cheat as there would be very little point. I know it is off the point but I also like the ability tests and found them very useful in the work environment. Like the time I tested 2 AP managers with fairly basic arithmetic and they failed miserably. Both said they were never any good at 'maths'. Why were they in AP?

whenim64 Sun 07-Apr-13 15:45:23

Isn't this thread about relationships working or not? Even when you can identify relationship instability, sexual dissatisfaction, infidelity, stresses and strains of debt, illness and fatigue, insight doesn't necessarily bring improvement unless both parties can invest the commitment. Psychometric testing has little or no part in that. Relationship counselling can at least help them bring the relationship to an end without acrimony, if they can't end it satisfactorily between themselves. It's probably been said before - humans enter and leave relationships over time and don't necessarily mate for life, especially when women can provide for themselves and their children nowadays.

JessM Sun 07-Apr-13 19:18:20

Yes those aptitude tests very revealing sometimes.
yes we got off track completely. blush

MaryXYX Tue 09-Apr-13 15:35:42

I married at 22 and I do believe that was rather young. We actually stayed together for 39 years although the marriage was over as soon as I received my Asperger's diagnosis. It does take a lot of commitment to stay with someone who has a disability like that.

Although I had no intention of leaving the marriage, being "set free" did give me the liberty to reconsider who I really am in depth and come to a conclusion that led to a complete rebirth of my personality. Is that sort of experience common?