Grief, sadness and depression

Petra, we were talking about people being given anti depressants when they were simply grieving.

Please don't be so quick to judge when anti depressants are given.
Some years ago something happened to me. It was such a shock that I had a terrible reaction. I could not stop shaking. Even my teethe were ratteling. I was able to get an emergency appointment with Doctor who put me on something powerful; but only for 3 days. There is no way I could have coped without that medication.

I can remember going to the doctor many years ago and he told me I was depressed because I had things to be depressed about and that antidepressants wouldn't help. I have to admit that as things got better - so did I.

I think we are encouraged too much to think that drugs have the answer for everything. It is natural to feel very sad and frightened when someone very close dies but everyone grieves in different ways and the grieving process can't run to a schedule.

I agree with Orca that the most important thing is giving a grieving person the time and space to talk if they want to. I think this might be more difficult for men. Noam Chomsky said that after his wife of many years died, his best friend felt too uncomfortable to even mention her name to him.

I expect there are times when grief is so overwhelming that someone can't function and perhaps a mild anti-depressant might help but I do agree that so many things these days are medicalised (we were talking about ADHD and and Ritalin on another thread) and I do wonder if it is wise - particularly when drugs can have unexpected and dangerous side effects.

Yes, Nellie, I have been reading a lot about how drugs companies work - skewing the results of research to bury unfavourable reports, and putting pressure on doctors to use their products.

Exactly Nightowl when I heard the program, ?at the weekend. I understood the main point of concern was largely about the drug company interests and the medical advisers in league with them to offer "chemical solutions" to solve this dreadful but natural grieving process.

I heard that programme too Greatnan and it made me very angry. It was linked to the imminent publication of the DSM5 which is in the link posted by bluebell. What I found most worrying in the programme was the woman who had lost her child and said that within a short time of taking the prescribed antidepressants she began to have suicidal thoughts that had not been present before. This is a recognised side-effect of some antidepressants and such medication needs to be prescribed with great care, not as the first option, and certainly not as a routine response to bereavement.

I was not judging anybody, I was merely reporting what the grieving parents said on the programme, which was that they felt guilty for having such strong feelings and that they were given anti-depressants when they felt they were not depressed, just sorrowing. The programme was called 'Medicalising grief'.

You don't stop loving someone just because they die.

Grief is not an illness. It is a natural reaction to overwhelming loss. But it can become chronic if there is no support system. If you know someone who has lost someone close, do allow them space to talk about that person and be prepared to listen. You don't stop living someone because because they die.

greatnan I am not sure we should be judging the decisions individual clinicians make with their patients.
My niece lost her daughter aged 19 months, following months of harrowing treatment for neuroblastoma.
I don't know if my niece ever took anti-depressants or whether her strong Christian faith carried her through what must have been one if the grimmest experiences anyone could suffer, but I would not have dreamed of criticising her for taking antidepressants, or her GP for prescribing them.

And this - www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(12)60248-7/fulltext

m.bbc.co.uk/news/health-20986796
Read this- frightening!

Maybe medication can help people over the first initial shock of bereavement? If my sister had been offered support of any kind we might have been spared three years of alcoholism hell that nearly ended her life. Thankfully she is now ok but we got no support at all from her doctor.
I do agree HildaW that tears and talking are the best therapy for most of us but maybe not enough for everyone.

Very wise words, HildaW

Greatnan - I have never had to face the loss of a child - I cannt imagine how I would cope but I do feel that in general there does seem to be an almost institutionalised war against any negative feelings. Its almost as if we should not have to face them - we are supposed to be permantently cheerfull, and if not must be given pills. (Yes, I'm having a rant so just ignore if you like)
Sadness, loss and grief are all part of living and we do need to learn to cope with them. As children, if a pet died we were told about it - had a bit of a burial in the garden, shed a tear and then got on with life. We learned also that when Grandma died she had 'gone to heaven' and that she had been very old and tired and was now happy and looking after us. If something went wrong at school we talked about it, had a bit of a cry and then just carried on. We did not need councelling when someone stopped coming to school because they were 'very very poorly' - it was just a fact of life. We would all be asked to write a card or draw pictures and someone would be delegated to visit.
I am trying not to sound callous, I am not, I grieve at the loss of my Mum but she was very ill, exhausted with life and I now appreciate she 'wanted to go'. So once I had stopped being cross with her I reached acceptance. I did not need medication or councelling - just the chance to talk about it (a lot) and have the odd weep. WE do need to get back to understanding that life has ups and down. Some of the ups are amazing and some of the downs are pretty unbearable, but it would be kinder if we could learn to cope better ourselves. That being said I would fully agree with a doctors help for someone who, having tried to cope with such an awful thing as you mention, found that they just could not do it on their own.