Do we tend to "spoil" our [adult] children?

I don't think I have ever spoiled them. I helped in the early days of their careers and loaned them money for various things, but nowadays I am happy to let them spoil me - and they do! I still spoil my senior GD a bit. She's had a hard time with a crazy mother - not my present DiL who is a marvellous step-mother to her.

It is a wonderful feeling - my daughter took me out to lunch on my 50th birthday, she had just started her first job and I felt so proud of myself for having raised a daughter to that level, if you see what I mean - happy, smart and able to treat me occasionally.

Moving on almost eight years, she is now constantly broke with two small children, two part-time jobs and back studying law, so I do help out in all sorts of odd ways. She won't let me replace any of the old kitchen items I passed on to her though, when she set up home. I would love to buy her new china and cutlery as birthday or christmas presents one year, but she prefers to hang on to the old things from home. She doesn't like me to buy her clothes unless they are birthday presents, but as we have similar tastes I often buy her something and pretend I bought it for me but it was too small. As for the children - well, I prefer not to think about how much I have spent on them!

My parents were not poor, they did not struggle, but they never helped financially. My mother in particular was adamant that we would have no help past our 18th birthdays. As my father earnt too much for us to obtain grants, that meant that we could not go to University. We went to various colleges and worked in the evenings and weekends because she insisted on charging us rent, none of us doing what we really wanted to do. So yes, I wanted my children to have choice. I feel that being able to have choices in life is the biggest luxury there is, and will support them as much as possible until they are settled, and just have to hope that they will at least pick my care home carefully!

This is a tricky one. I tend to spoil the adult children in small ways when they are with me, e.g. will pay for lunches and I'll often buy my daughter a top or dress or cardi when she is out shopping with me and sees something she fancies I will say 'Go on, I'll buy it for you' especially as I know they are saving for their first house. However! As husband will sometimes drily point out to me there isn't a technological gadget that our "kids" (in their 30s) don't seem to be able to afford!

It is a lovely feeling when you go out for a slap up meal and the offspring pay comes the bill. I remember the first time that happened, it felt really good that the roles had been reversed and they were earning enough to feel they could treat us.

I agree it's better to let them 'cut their cloth'.

My parents helped me and J with all kinds of things over the years, but I was an only child and probably spoilt. I was very grateful to them. We have helped our 3 with house deposits, because that was the only way they could advance on a house purchase and because the money, by then, had come from my Dad, who would have been delighted that we had used it for their benefit. I still bail them out occasionally, but feel it is up to them to 'cut their cloth' now, although I usually pay the greater part if we go on holiday or out for the day. I think it is far more difficult for young families to manage these days. One SiL, who works in the 'arts' earns 10x less than his younger brother still in his 20's, who works in 'oil'. He and my DD must find that hard, but it's all down to choice and opportunity. I don't think I would like to be starting off married life in the 21st C

ninathenana, in fact that's just what I'm doing today - off to Edinburgh with eldest and youngest DGDs.....treat time and lunch. I'll just have a 'tight week' afterwards!

Perhaps it's because we struggled financially when we were younger that we can't bear to think of our adult children having those feelings of dread every time a bill comes through the letterbox? My own parents weren't at all well-off and I think I remember them once helping me with an amount of about £100. I also remember my mother being really angry with me when I still lived at home, because I bought myself a pair of shoes from my wages. She had needed that money to pay bills, though I hadn't known this at the time.
I have helped my 2 younger adult children financially and my grand-daughters as well, though my eldest hasn't needed help at all. I know they'll never be able repay me the money that they've needed, but that really doesn't matter to me. As long as we have enough to 'get by' that's all that matters, and I know that if they could pay me back, they would.

My parents helped with the deposit on our first house. They then spent many hours with us on the renovation. Mum bought me my first car even though I'd been married a good few years. She liked the idea of a free taxi service as dad had passed away by then.

She was my child care when they were young. If I we were shopping together she would buy me and the children small treats i.e. clothes etc.and help out in any practical way she could.

I owe my mum a heck of a lot in many ways. Yes she did spoil me. Up until a few years ago. Now it's my turn to do my best for her as she has dementia.

I too buy bits and pieces for DD when we're out together.

I can relate to what Nelliemoser say's with regard to the chances in Education for us baby boomers,I can remember when I became the first girl in our family to pass the 11+ and get a place in Grammer School and my mum telling me I would have all the chances she never had as she left school at 14 to work in a laundry,even my sisters who did not go to Grammer School stayed on at school until they where 16 or went on to the Technical College so differant to when mum & dad where at school.My eldest DGS has two more years in Uni with his law degree and we help to support him by way of helping him with his rent payments.

I sometimes wonder about care in old age. So many of the next generation rely on their parents for childcare. Will they be willing, when and if the time comes, to look after their parents when they are frail and need help?

I don't think many of our generations parents had the money to help out their children in the way we do now. How many of us were first generation professionals? The children of working class and not very well paid parents? They probably went out to work at 14 with just an Elementary school education.
We baby boomers had the opportunity of free secondary education. The Butler education act of 1944.