Finding one's self

Are you really that shallow?!

Go to the library, go on Twitter and have a look round, use your bus pass and go to the town along the road,do an online class, work in an Oxfam shop. On ad infinitum

Choose.

That's rather rude, jingl. There's nothing in Suzz's post to indicate that she's 'shallow' - in fact I'd imagine a lot of women find themselves in a similar position when the children have left home....

To get to retirement age and not be interested in anything available today?! We have so much at our fingertips.

Sorry if it sounded rude. I was just flabbergasted.

J08! Some of us are boring old home makers and nurturers by nature and like to stay close to home and are happy to let you explorers and extroverts get on with engaging with the outside world. I know exactly where Suzz is coming from so I'll be interested in reading the good advice I know Gransnetters will offer...

Please think before you type, J08. That was an ill-considered reply. Suz, have you come across the U3A? I'm sure I'm not the only gran who will refer you to that. There's probably one somewhere near you. All interests are catered for. Ours is a lovely friendly crowd and I see no reason why you can't find one similar! Then there's voluntary work. Charity shops often need helpers. I'm a CAB adviser which is challenging but rewarding. If you live in a rural area, there's always the WI.

Who are you suzz? Well maybe someone who has drifted into a bit of a doormat? Easily done if you have four children and a husband who is happy to play a traditional role.
But now is the time for you to start re-creating yourself. Research shows that giving is more rewarding than taking - maybe that is why so many of us get a buzz out of volunteering.
One woman I know "visits" lonely people via Age UK. Then there is the charity that befriends young families that lack grandparent support. Hospitals too use volunteers to work in shops and on trolleys. U3A a is good for meeting people in same boat, and a chance to start learning something new. Remember the other people may also be lonely or shy.
But what you do have to do, if you are going to find a new you, is to pluck up your courage and do something.

This is surely the same thing many men face when they retire.

It will be difficult at first but I think that for natural homemakers and nurturers volunteering is the way to go. It did me the power of good and I came to realise that those skills are highly valued in lots of volunteering rolls. There is a whole world of things to do out there. I would bang the drum for Victim Support and particularly the Witness Service. I get to meet all sorts of people I would never meet any other way and I am able to help them through giving evidence at court which can be quite an ordeal.

There is a website with local volunteering opportunities which someone will remember the name of

I think you can find yourself by being alone (not lonely), too. When I retired, I had been told by retired colleagues that I would get bored, be lonely, need a hobby, purpose, other work, studying. None of the above has happened in 3.1/2 years, although I don't rule it out. I got myself a puppy, socialised with friends, did more gardening and cooking from scratch, read lots, and generally enjoy my own company much of the time. My children have had babies, so the family has grown, and I can flit from one to the other, have fun and then come home to my sanctuary. They descend on me for big family meals, and occasionally treat me to the theatre or restaurants, but I don't depend on them and the slower pace I have adopted suits me just fine.

I think the key is in adjusting to this stage of your life, learning to be content, and taking opportunities to do things that interest you.

when I want what you have. I particularly relate to having a "sanctuary". Sometimes my daughter will phone and say "Do you wanna meet for coffee?" And I go "Naw". . (She doesn't mind, she likes 'me time' as much as I do).

I read an amusing saying somewhere once (hope I remember it correctly) "If you want to find yourself, get lost!" I think that means find something to lose yourself in... .

volunteering roles!!

There can be contentment in solitude !

www.do-it.org.uk/
Is this it kitty.?

I shouldn't dismiss having had a career working with some of the most vulnerable and unfortunate people, whose lives were so traumatic that I couldn't help but see how fortunate I've been. If you haven't had any such experiences suzz, do think about voluntary work. I did a couple of years before I went for training, and then worked on various helplines over the years. Not only are you helping others, but you get to know where your own values lie.

Thank you grannylin . You can rely on a gran to help!

annodomini DON'T tell me what to do!

It was not an ill-considered reply. I made some suggestions which were just as good as anyone else on here has made.

Sometimes people need a wake-up call!

And can I just say eff off in advance to the myriads of posters who are now going to come on and criticise me.

Have you ever read Dale Carnegie's book, jingle?

No. I'm too tied up with Game of Thrones. Thank you all the same.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

Yeah, well - maybe!

Yes, its one big tip is about listening to other people and appearing to be really interested in them without judging, j0.
Great title, made him a fortune. But appropriate for this thread. The world will always welcome great listeners - you don't need to have anything interesting to say yourself to be a good conversationalist.

I can do that! In real life.

Would be a bit boring on a forum though. (I mean, if we all just listened/read posts without saying anything.)

You gotta laugh

Agreed .

Come on, folks, you must have got used to jings straightforwardness by now, surely?

Why do the "in crowd" call her jings ?

It's short for Jingle, which I seem to remember was her name once before she went for jayzeroeight.

Hey, jings, your next one could be jayzate.