spending the kids inheritance

I've just looked back at my other post and realise how selfish it sounds.
We would of course help the children if they needed it.

I am sad to hear that your children do not visit very often and I guess only you can speculate as to why that might be as you know the history. Our children never understand the power they have to hurt us.

But any money you might have given them should be a freely-given offering with no strings as regards what you expect from them.

It must be a difficult situation for you. Do you think they know how you feel?

Sorry, meant absent

Jingle what did you mean to type?

Bloody kindle fire!

I'd bet they're pretty similar Absent.

Yeah right , if you say so elegran , it might be right !!

j08 I think there is likely to be an enormous differences in our arses.

I'm very surprised to have had an email from my son to ask if I'm in the country this C (banned word) as he's trying to sort out his doings!
I haven't seen him for at least 3 years!
He won't come if his sister is visiting as he can't stand children! She will have 2 by then.
As some of you know, he is as his sister says "weird". I'm afraid I do find him difficult to deal with, but he is a very caring person.
I've just said I'm at home, as I his sister might be needing some help.
Beginning to wish I hadn't cancelled my 'C' cruise as I've now been told dd wants to spend most of it with new dd and her 2 yr old!
Just might book a last minute one!

#peaceandloveman

I guess we ars all different. And the same too.

I had two sets of grandparents. One grandmother was just like yours, When, always glad to see you, never critical. The other could always quote exactly how long it was since you had last visited. "Haven't seen anything of you for three weeks! I suppose you were all around at Mrs X (other granny) while I was here all on my own!"

One day she asked me (I was about six) "You like Mrs X better than me, don't you?" I had never actually thought about it - I was fond of them both - but I was a polite little girl, so I agreed.

My children are not responsible for my feelings. If they do something that I feel upset about, I might explain what has upset me, but I don't use how I feel to make them visit - they just do. They know if they let me know they're coming round I will usually feed them, ask them about their news, and update them about all the things I've been doing whilst they've been at work!

I take my cue from my paternal grandmother - it didn't matter how frequently we visited, she was always pleased to see us and would rustle up egg and chips with a mountain of bread and butter and pot of tea. We always felt welcome.

I don't think I have ever had to remind mine that I deserve consideration.

There is no "should" about it. As soon as "should" comes into it, then visiting becomes a chore rather than a pleasure. Just because you are the mother of adult sons and/or daughters doesn't mean that you deserve anything at all.

Btw I should hate to think that the social interaction between absentdaughter and me was to do with a potential inheritance. (It isn't and I don't.)

That too.

I would prefer my children to come and visit me because they want to, not because they feel obliged to.

I have been guilty once or twice of reminding my three that "I'm your mother. I deserve some consideration".

Why not? Did n' t let them get away with disregarding my feelings when they were younger. Why should it be different now? We are entitled to some expectations.

I am on about you saying that "I agree entirely with you Rogan , you are their mother they should give you some time , why should you have to make up things to "Entice " them." in answer to my suggestion.

I had pointed out that anyone who wants to see more of their children would do better to make it a pleasant invitation, not a bad-tempered complaint that they should find time to visit their mother.

Whenever we try spending their inheritance there is usually one or the other, or all three, spending it with us. You could try that rojon. Take them out individually for treats. That way you would both get the pleasure.

What ^ are^ you on about Elegran !!!!!!!

To be honest, I would n' t wave any carrots on sticks. But I would make sure they knew how well I was doing without them.

It's not too much to expect rojon. It's very sad that they don't visit you more. If you can get a bit of happiness out of spending your money then definitely do so! Who knows, if they see you being happy in your life without their company, they might think again.

Good luck.

Nonu - If you lived near enough to your mother to visit, but had been too busy with work/children/friends to see them for a while, which would be more likely to trigger you to go round there - and be happy to enjoy the experience when you got there?

a) a fraught call to tell you that as she is your mother you should give her some time, and surely you could each spare one hour a month to visit her.

b) an unexpected but cheerful call to invite you round to share a delicious home-made meal.

Perhaps that may be why I have no problems at all in my relationships with my three children and their partners - I have never told them that it was their duty to visit me. They seem to do it because they like it.

I take the same view, Ariadne. My children joke about me galavanting with my friends and spending their inheritance, but I also take the chance to share any windfalls and help them with one-off purchases that I know they need, like prams or pieces of furniture.

Their dad, my ex, has a property portfolio here and in Spain, and will leave a fortune, but he never sticks his hand in his pocket when they need a bit of a leg up. He was given everything on a plate from a young age, but doesn't believe in sharing his good fortune.

Ariadna Our thoughts exactly. Luckily we have 3 lovely girls who encourage us to enjoy ourselves and are also very grateful for any little treats that come their way.