Do you belong to any other forums?

Greatnan, surely this is dealt with by the moderators ? One can sit quietly and observe from the sidelines for months it doesn't prevent anyone posting something some may not agree with

JessM, thanks for replying. Just who chooses what is 'group norm' ? Who
Is in this group which chooses what is 'group norm' .

hebrideanlady Welcome You have the right attitude. Enjoy Gransnet.
There are countless amusing/intelligent/compassionate/supportive members on this forum. No names mentioned. You'll discover them for yourself. I wouldn't have said boo to a goose [in the early days] but with plenty of practice in the "banter arena" I discovered a much more confident side to my nature.

I belong to several forums for family history and genealogy - usually very helpful and interesting.
But I ran into problems on one of the bigger forums....don't know if I can name them or not....with one of the moderators.

Now, I kept to the guidelines and did not do anything wrong as far as I know. I didn't get banned. Posters gave me a lot of info.

What this person didn't like was that I was posting in sections for different countries about different parts of my family - which emigrated in about 1900 to various different countries. I can't help that!

I asked what I could do to put this right!
And got, via an email a/d provided, not anything helpful, but a mishmash of information about my family, most of which I already knew, and including things online that I had personally posted!

And they didn't like it when I said this wasn't helpful.
I got so paranoid about being jumped on if I posted, that I stopped going there altogether.

Actually my only really bad experience.

kitty put the kettle on...I'll be joining you for a fireside chat, when I finish autumn cleaning the wee hoos.

This will probably be the most contentious post I have written on here ( I hope) but I have to say it.
When I read the OP it reminded me why I don't volunteer in charity shops or belong to the WI.
That attitude of, we have done this a long time, ie, we are right. Know your place, junior. Have to stop now, getting angry over a forum. What a waiste of energy. I have to save that for the painting lol.

Alie, not a nice experience. For me the most amusing post I ever read was quite a few years ago, an open board. A poster declared ' I will put on ignore anyone who displeases me or disagrees with me ' so funny bless her , did leave me wondering why she posted on a board , surely not all are going to share the same opinions on every topic

Have you tried Grannynet kitty? (Joke )

jings

petra yes, that patronising tone of 'you're new, you'll learn soon enough' is one I was met with many times over the years. I like the curiosity of new people on the scene - 'why do you do that, then?' We all belong and all welcome being shown around and listened to. When I joined, I posted very little whilst I found my feet and started to recognise a few friendly names. I think that's what others mean here, but it's not for me to speak on their behalf.

anniebach no-one chooses the group norms. They gradually evolve over time.
It's like moving to a new area - it takes a while to meet people, get to know them, discover what they like and what might upset them.
Subtly different from the forum guidelines which are laid down and are there for everyone to read.

Hmmm. I fit the newcomer category and like Hebredean and others, lurked for a while before feeling confident enough to post. I'm very careful about sharing information on line, I'm a member of a couple of groups, both private and related to hobbies.
This thread is beginning to reflect the combative/confrontational approach taken by a small number of people on gransnet.
JessM said a poster drove 'many people' mad, she didn't say she was speaking for everyone, Sel.
Anniebach, so far as I am aware, there are no set 'group norms'. There are guidelines. That's the thing with groups, they form, norm and storm, especially when new people arrive, and regular group members move on or leave.
It's up to each of us as individuals how much we join in, how much offence we take and how we behave on line. My experience of groups is they can be great places to be, but they can also scapegoat, bully and cause emotional harm to folks. That's why I'm ok with the moderators keeping a watchful eye.

I'm reluctant to add much to this except that I dont think reference to a "pecking order" is helpful, I believe the phrase "new members" was used in good faith to describe GNetters whose names were not familiar to the majority of members, ergo, probably (although not necessarily ) new members. What Jess calls "group norms" are what I would recognise as acceptable behaviour among groups of friends. Some groups- e.g. of teenagers in school are going to be different from others, such as my Book Group which is composed of ladies of a "certain age" or DH's Bible study group at church. I think most of us can spot a prickly post or a provocative retort. Whether or not is it is designed to provoke a "spat" may be debatable, but if one is on the receiving end, it can be hurtful and destructive. We may take offence, but should not aim to give in equal measure. I like what Iam64 says above - that this thread is beginning to reflect that confrontational approach. This is not like trying to sort out who is "top dog" or establish a hierarchy. And as for saying that men are not welcome - Grumppa, Pete, Feetlebaum, Mick - and others perhaps whose gender is not reflected in their choice of name - I am aware of no prejudice against any of you- are you? So who is complaining about a prejudice which does not exist?

Iam64 that's fine but I, personally have not been driven mad by light hearted, fluffy, repetitive posters. I'm all for a broad mix or characters and feel some people would feel intimidated by a remark like that.

I love the fact that some posters make me laugh out loud. It's a gift to be able to do that.

Yes, a good laugh is great. We should have another of those daft parties - always good fun and a chance for Gransnetters with very different views on many subjects to have a good giggle together

I read the party after the event sadly when as I was out but agree that's a nice way to see another side of people. I don't compartmentalise though and have found humour works pretty well in many situations (obviously within reason)

The only other forums I go on are my racing forums, but a lot of people seem to have moved on to twitter these days. They do have chat threads, usually about tv programmes, music and films, and they never turn nasty. My favourite forum is a racing one that is totally anonymous but we seem to be like an extended family and it wouldn't surprise me if we didn't all meet up one day. I suppose that, other than deciding who was going to win the 3.0 at Kempton we don't have much to argue about, although, strangely enough, anonymous as it may be it doesn't take long to get a feeling for what people are like.

Gracesnum, I accept that but it was new posters who were spoken of in the O/P, to accuse in such a general way is both unkind and unfair.

As for group norms, I thought the forum title described the group and surely the norm is the same here as any where , courtesey and tolerance

Crumbs!

Thank you to the posters who have made my point very much better than I obviously did, GM in particular. I apologise if I upset any 'newer' posters but anyone who has read my posts on a regular basis will know that I am -not- in the business of keeping people out of the 'gang' or establishing a pecking order.

Jane, it is all very well to stick to the posts where one feels comfortable but, surely, one should feel able to post on any thread without fear.

I know my place so I'm off to put the kettle on in the safety of soop's kitchen.

kitty

sel that is why I did not say everyone. But anyone observing GN for a few days would notice that it is not usual behaviour to start multiple threads on the same afternoon for instance.
annie group norms are the unwritten agreements between the vast majority on how group members conduct themselves. They evolve naturally.
In the workplace they are things like offering people sitting nearby a tea if you are making one or taking each other's phone messages.
You would not go to your first meeting of the WI and start effing and blinding , I expect, until you had sat through a couple of meetings and discovered that this appeared to be something that was quite acceptable to the other members.

Jess, I would love to attend that W.I. meeting!

I most certainly would not. Takes all sorts...

Jess, hadn't thought of doing that at WI, I do understand that but what does not seem to be understood is the fact that I and other new posters have 'lurked' which is the same as sitting quietly and taking it all in if at a meeting, yet still comes the suggestion that new posters should remain on the sidelines, makes one feel a new poster should report in everyday with ' I am reading and learning ' for x number of weeks or months . And to claim it is mostly new posters causing upsets leaves the question - how new is new.

Myself , I have always allowed for new posters to make errors, it's what the less than perfect do

There always seems to be someone on GN who is either accusing "old" members or "new" members of being confrontational.

I would hope that I wouldn't be so sensitive as to let either point of view prevent me from joining in a discussion.

Have just read through all this, and wonder really what it is all about? Gransnet has a wide audience, and there will always be those who agree or not, and some who probably express themselves in what may appear to the reader to be aggressive, but was not intended. I am always a bit suspicious of the written word, as it can be interpreted in so many different ways, and yet I am a prolific letter-writer! I just like to read through the various threads, sometimes I am sad at the stories people have to tell, and for others I am happy. Quite often, I feel like saying 'Oh! for goodness sake get on with it!', but of course I don't. The point is, of course, that you do not have to read what everyone says, you can stop whenever you like.