Good morning sunday

Thank you all for your kind messages, I felt so guilty sharing this with you all today and beat myself up for putting it out on this forum. I hoped not to depress anyone. Thank you dear folk for your kind thoughts.

Thistledoo, you have made me feel better today, I thought I was the only one up this way. I now don't feel so isolated

Hello Hebrideanlady, you too have made me feel less isolated, what part of the Hebrides are you? I am in Inverness, maybe we could have a meetup. PM me if you like.

Big hug Thistledoo on a sad anniversary. Of course you will wonder what mght have been, I used to look at children of the age our little boy would have been and try to imagine him. He would have been 40 next month, but lived for only 24 days. The memories of the good times - pregnancy and the 8 days I had him before his heart defects became apparent I will always treasure.
to you

Thistledoo, I would have been surprised if you didn't think of what might have been! What a terrible time it must have been for you.

Thistledoo and gracesmum - I know. My middle son (now 43) is a surviving identical twin, so I know what his brother would have looked like. I often count him in when talking about the number of children I have borne, and he is always in my mind on their birthday.

to you and to you, gracesmum.

for you Thistledoo, don't feel bad about sharing you feelings with us. I think we need to be able to talk about these things. As someone said - thank goodness stillborn babies are dealt with much more compassion these days.

Tegan - like you, there are so many things that I wish I had asked my parents about while I had the chance

Thistledoo and GM GN at its best here.

I get sad, without even thinking about it, at the end of October when our fourth child should have been born. It's instinct isn't it, not a conscious decision.

Once again thank you all for your kind words. I don't feel guilty anymore and yes GN at its best. Spent the day quietly remembering my pregnancy and all the preparation for the new arrival, explaining to my toddler son about being a big brother and how exciting it will be. Trying to explain to him that his little brother would not be coming home was the worst thing. To Gracemum and Adriandne we are kindred spirits. To all mums out there who have lost a baby
Spent an hour this afternoon walking my beautiful new kitten in the garden on his harness, he had fun catching flies and chasing leaves.

thistledoo and tears for what my mind revolts at imagining!

My aunt's first baby was stillborn. When I had my first and my nieces (10 and 12) were doing the cuddles, one of them asked "Why don't you have another baby, mummy?" My aunt replied "We want a little boy, don't we daddy?"

So sad.

Thistledoo. So sad.

thistledoo no need to feel guilty here. You came to the right place.
My DH was an undiagnosed twin and the other one died. He grew up with 3 sisters and still has feelings of sadness when he remembers the brother he never knew. And I know his mum does too. Sad that they never had a grave to visit - the nuns whisked the baby away and told her to be happy because she had a healthy son. 50 years ago stillborn babies used to be buried in the coffins of adults.

Hugs to all in Thistledoos situation. Thank goodness medics are generally more enlightened about helping families deal with neonatal death now.

A big hug for you Thistledoo he lives on in your heart I am glad you shared your feelings with us

Cousins not nieces, btw

So sad Thistledoo but glad that you are able to share it. Sending hugs from me too.

40 years ago late miscarriages, who would be prem babies now with every chance of life, died through lack of knowledge and incubators. They weren't buried, just whisked away and nothing more said. There are a lot of women of our generation still silently mourning the loss of a child.
to all out there who wonder what would have been.
Thank goodness things have changed for the present generation.

I cannot thank you all enough for all the kind words and the sharing also of similar experiences, so many years ago. You are a lovely lot, you helped me through a lonely old day.