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When to keep schtum?

(48 Posts)
gracesmum Mon 18-Nov-13 22:42:04

I have just returned from my book group meeting and was feeling a bit frustrated as one of the newer members (who is very outspoken although regularly freely admts she has not read the book in question!) was adamant about something and I disagreed with her.
Basically she thought it was David Mellor who had publicly fed his daughter a burger at the height of the BSE crisis in the 90's and I had said it was John Gummer - then Minister of Agriculture.
So I googled it when I came home and I was right - I knew I was as I remembered it very clearly. His daughter was called Cordelia and she was 4 at the time.
Anyway I have now cut and pasted the relevant article from the BBC and emailed it to her. DH's comment was something along the lines of "how to fall out with people!"
Should I have just left it? (Yes?) All my life I have tried to be tactful, diplomatic, considerate of other feelings but tonight something just made me determined to prove that I was right.
What would you have done?

Tegan Mon 18-Nov-13 22:48:10

Y'know I'm getting quite stroppy these days; d'you think gransnet is giving us superhuman powers?

Tegan Mon 18-Nov-13 22:49:43

Tegan Mon 18-Nov-13 22:50:21

..of course, it falls short of cutting'n'pasting sometimes blush

Tegan Mon 18-Nov-13 22:53:20

Granny23 Mon 18-Nov-13 22:59:40

Apparently (I have no recollection of this) I told my DD2 when she was a teenager that there are some people whose friendship and approval is neither a desirable nor a valuable commodity and therefore it is not worth spending time or energy trying to cultivate them. DD, whose natural instinct is to be kind to everyone, has said that this piece of advice has stood her in good stead on many occasions with difficult people.

I would not waste a single moment worrying about this person. In fact I would have sent a copy of the article to everyone who was in ear shot when she disagreed with you. wink

Eloethan Mon 18-Nov-13 23:05:26

I would probably have done the same - or taken it in to the next meeting and shown it to her.

annodomini Mon 18-Nov-13 23:15:19

Life's to short to let people who are wrong think they are right! Just enjoy being right, g'mum. I do! grin

annodomini Mon 18-Nov-13 23:16:03

to short too short. Exile to pedants' corner.

gracesmum Mon 18-Nov-13 23:25:16

Thank you!! I am aware that I was brought up to be compliant i.e. a "people pleaser" (possibly because my Mum, being German, was subjected to more than enough hostility in their small Scottish town and that made her unwilling to brook further disapproval in any way sad) but as you say I don't need this person's approval and the fact is she was wrong .
I knew I could rely on stroppy grans!!

LizG Mon 18-Nov-13 23:54:18

I have to say I should have done the same thing gracesmum and the older I get the less I am prepared to put up with things. DD2 makes me feel quite guilty when she says: 'Choose your argument' and boy has she had some arguments to cope with recently

penguinpaperback Tue 19-Nov-13 00:49:46

Ok, being in a minority of one grin I would have smiled sweetly and let it go. Not worth, IMHO taking any further action over.

absent Tue 19-Nov-13 06:37:23

Not relevant to your actions, although I wholeheartedly support you gracesmum, but I have a vague feeling that it later emerged that it wasn't a beef burger that John Gummer force fed his daughter at the height of the BSE scare, but a chicken burger. Spin or what?

Ariadne Tue 19-Nov-13 10:03:40

After listening to DGD (17) last night, explaining how she had set up systems for her Student Team (she's Head Girl!) and how she was quite cross with someone and what she intended to do etc. etc. I remarked admiringly to DH what a confident, assertive young woman she was, not to say quite stroppy at times.

"I think it might be hereditary on the female side," he said.

annodomini Tue 19-Nov-13 10:16:26

Ariadne, you've got me thinking about my assertive GD2 who certainly takes after...her mother... grin

KatyK Tue 19-Nov-13 10:46:28

For some reason nowadays things like this really get to me. I seem to have to prove to the person that I am right if I am sure I am. I think the advice on here to 'let it go' is much kinder (to yourself) smile

Mishap Tue 19-Nov-13 10:57:27

I think I would have just let it go. But we each have to be to be true to ourselves, and if it felt right to you to send the proof, then it is right.

grumppa Tue 19-Nov-13 11:54:41

Good for you!

thatbags Tue 19-Nov-13 12:05:16

I would have said what I thought at the meeting but afterwards I think I would just have checked for my own sake (and probably thought "Humph!" about the other person wink).

I like the bit about it probably being a chicken burger, absent. I wonder if beef burgers ever contained horsemeat back then?

gracesmum Tue 19-Nov-13 12:17:14

Goodness knows what is in burgers of any sort!!! I feel better about emailing the lady in question as she has replied in a totally friendly manner and I suspect it hasn't bothered her at all!
(TBH if I had been wrong I would have done exactly the same, admitting I was wrong without a second thought)
Further to the BSE business, I remember feeling terribly guilty as I used to buy "economy" burgers for the girls, I think from Bejam or maybe Sainsbury's and I would rather not think what muck the poor children were ingesting shock

thatbags Tue 19-Nov-13 12:20:10

The horsemeat part doesn't bother me at all. It's still meat. It was the mislabelling that was the problem.

Tegan Tue 19-Nov-13 12:33:39

When the BSE thing was happening my kids didn't have beef for a long time and then their dad took them to a bonfire and bought them beefburgers [grrr]. Then my daughter, who loved Cornish Pasties insisted on eating them again. She said years later I should have overridden her decision [you just can't win with some people]. Why does John Gummer remind me of watsisname [the plonker that's over education now?].

Nonnie Tue 19-Nov-13 13:04:59

I think I would have just let it go, couldn't care enough about what such a person thought. We have a friend who regularly says things in an assertive way which we know are wrong but we just say what we know to be the fact and then let it go and very often some time later she says what we said in the first place. We don't know if she goes and checks and doesn't admit she is wrong or whether she has taken on board what we say but just not given to admitting she was wrong. Not very bothered really unless it is about family or otherwise important.

Icyalittle Tue 19-Nov-13 13:14:23

Dammit, tell 'em you are right! You can do it nicely (as you plainly did, gracesmum) so that you don't come over as a big-headed know-it-all but it has long been a female trait to shut up, instead of standing up! I'm with you, every time.

Bellasnana Tue 19-Nov-13 13:32:05

I'm just impressed that you know how to 'cut and paste' as I wouldn't have a clue how to do it!