Made to feel uncomfortable

My eldest DD and I were separated at our local market. She was about 7, it was near Christmas and very very crowded. I didn't have to worry for long, I heard a shriek like a banshee which went on and on. I guessed it was my DD. and it was. Standing on the steps leading down to the lake screaming fit to bust. Harmony was restored and we continued our Christmas shopping without further incident.

I must have worried a mother to death once.

Hubby and I were in a garden centre and he started to an ex co-worker. I started talking to his GC and we went into a near by shed, pretend playing with him we were having a little tea party, as they talked for ages at least 25 mins.

When we came out, they both knew we were in there, I said goodbye to the little chap and the man said 'Isn't he yours?' Well I panicked thinking what have I done. I took his hand and we went into the shop to naturally take him to the till area. A woman came flying up to me and I had to explain how innocent I was. She was absolutely furious and we both cried. To her credit she calmed down and said she was OK about it and it was because she had not been paying attention he had wandered off and she was glad he was safe and no harm was done.

Isn't it a sad reflection on us as a human race though that we live in a state of fear for our dear children but that is how it must be or the possible consequences are too horrific to contemplate.

I would still have behaved in exactly the same way as you Sunseeker ,even after that experience however, as that is the way I am and I don't think children should experience a cold hearted world but we do have to be so careful don't we.

Always terrifying to lose a toddler....!

Thanks everyone, for responses.

Allie you certainly did the right thing and I am sure the parents were extremely grateful and wished they could meet you and thank you.

A few years ago I was walking through a crowded shopping centre when I saw a man dragging a small boy, the child was crying and saying "I don't want to go". I have always wished that I had questioned the child to ensure all was well - but I just didn't have the courage. I watched and listened to the news avidly for days after to see whether a child had been abducted. I have often thought of that child since and wonder whether in future I would have the courage to ask if all was well.

flower and Granny23

Nelliemoser Day 1 of holiday at Butlins we explained to 4 yo DD1 that if we got separated she should tell a red coat or go direct to the lost child centre. Day 2, we were heading up for lunch with DD1 lagging behind. When we stopped at a corner for her to catch up she had vanished completely. Dh was starting to panic but I told him to carry on with DD2 as I knew immediately where madam would be. Sure enough, half way to the Lost Child centre, I heard the message on the tannoy. I arrived to find a tearstained DD1, saying pathetically 'You lost me, Mummy'. The staff said she had been very clever and brave and had given them her name and chalet number. 'Clever?' said I, dragging her to her feet, and exiting the Centre quickly 'Too clever by half!'

Lord knows what the staff thought of me

I was shopping for DIY with my ex and our three children, very pregnant also.
He suggested that as the shopping centre was closing soon he go with the toddler aged 2.1/2 and I take the other two and the pushchair and each visit different stores. This we did, when I met up with him a few minutes later there was no toddler. I was in full panic mode as was he. Luckily the centre was not too crowded as it was almost closing time. After about 5 frantic minutes I saw two security men walking towards us. I rushed up to them to find my toddler holding their hands, he had walked up to them and said 'My mummy and daddy have got lost' What a relief. My ex is a little doolally. He is the one who tied a rubber dingy to his big toe and place the dingy on the sea at Weymouth. He woke to find the string had untied and the dingy was way out to sea on an outgoing tide. He tried to swim but a passing motor boat picked him up and rescued the children then aged 3 and 5. One good reason why he is my ex!!!

When DS was about 5 we went to a local fete. I told him if he lost track of me he should go to the announcement desk and tell someone. Before I had actually missed him I heard someone announcing he was lost over the Tannoy. It could not have been more than about two minutes.

He was not too upset though. I think letting him know exactly what to do had helped.

On the bottom floor of the car park of the Victoria Centre in Nottingham, I got out of the lift with DS2 in pushchair; turned round to get DS1, and the lift door closed...Panic! Lift came back down with no child in it. More panic...Went up with pushchair and asked at info kiosk. Child (very calm and was able to tell them his name) had just been handed in!! I never was able to thank the person who rescued him, but have been eternally grateful for 40 years - so far.

Well deserved Allie

Thank you Liz - I feel better now. Seems I just needed some thanks too!

Things like that do stay in the mind, Alie and upset you for a long time afterwards. Sometimes it is what more you might have done.

Several years ago, I was in the supermarket on a pretty cold autumn day. I could hear a child grizzling, and when I came round into the next aisle, a couple zipped up in anoraks were pushing a trolley in which was a boy of about 2 or 3 in just a Tshirt who was doing that low-level miserable crying of a child who had got stuck in grizzling mode.

I stopped to speak to the child and take his mind off it a bit (sometimes a different person talking to them is interesting enough to change the record) and said something like "Hello, there. Is that bad then?" and the mother said "He wouldn't eat his breakfast!" as though that were a crime, so the scenario was that there was a set-to over breakfast and he got stroppy and had been carted off to the supermarket as he was. I moved on to get my shopping, and it was only as I was leaving that I saw that he was still whinging as he was put into the car - he must have been half-frozen and had an awful cough - and I felt so guilty at not pointing out that a sick child often does not want to eat and is cranky. They did not seem to be very good at parenting.

A while later, a case of child cruelty came up - not in my town - where the parents had punished a child by feeding him lots of salt, which made him ill, and not keeping him warm enough - and the photos looked very like the little boy! They had adopted him and had no idea how to discipline a small child. I had nightmares that they might have been on holiday here, and I had missed a chance to intervene (interfere?)

Alli I don't know if I have missed something not having read very far back from your message, but I reckon you took the right course of action. When my now 27 year old was 2 she unlatched our gate and walked up the middle of a very busy road until a gentleman who was driving through stopped and took her to a friend of his who lived on the road. She phoned the police I phoned the police but the police were so busy putting our calls through the right channels that they didn't connect them.

I was frantically running up and down the road, calling for my daughter and a passing stranger told me where I would find her. We were reunited and contacted the police who still hadn't connected the two reports.

I was able to give flowers to the owner of the house and asked her to say 'thank you' to her friend but was never able to thank either him personally or the passing stranger and it has bothered me ever since. Could I please thank you Allie for looking after that little boy as a way of making up for my not properly thanking my two Good Samaritans. You were a very kind, caring person

oh yes, the gates were fully barred and bolted from that day on until we left the house ten years' later.

Thanks, janeainsworth. Needed.

It's actually quite a long while, I think about 1996. A time when the James Bulger case was relatively fresh.
It was so unexpectedly difficult!

Not sure from what you have written Alie how long ago this was, but you most certainly did the right thing for the child - it must have been upsetting to see others' uncaring attitude, but the point is that you were there and helped him, you took him to a place of safety and possibly rescued him from something much worse.
Don't be hard on yourself

First time I said it in public. I didn't know it would still be so upsetting...I wanted a friendly response

Alie, ask GN to delete it for you - I'm sure they will. Or did you just mean it had made you sad to write it down?

Wish I hadn't posted that now.

When I have a 'chat' with a baby or toddler in the checkout queue, I often end up having a chat with the mum and the checkout person as well. Our Waitrose is a friendly place!

I rescued a lost kid once in Cowley Centre when I lived near. He was wandering around with a blankie and crying....the second time I saw him I thought 'better me than someone else' and went over and said 'have you lost your mum?' and he nodded. I took him straight in the nearest shop and asked them, and they pointed me at the site office, where a uniformed woman took him and went off to see if they could find his mother.

It was an awful sight to see that no one was actually reacting to this child obviously lost and crying. And I felt even worse that I had had to hesitate before I did anything.
Also the office were not pleased to see me, and I got no appreciation, no thanks and no more information from anyone.....but I still am glad I did it because it was the right thing to do.

Writing this has made me cry again.

Added to this I have often responded to a "chatty" smiling baby in a supermarket trolley without any problems.
When a baby is trying to engage with you it's hard not to.

Good for you Jane.

There is an expression something like it takes a village to raise a child. I think meaning that adults should work together to ensure acceptable behaviour in their communities children. Its fraught with possible problems but you can get the drift of this as a useful concept.

An elderly gentleman said to me that with people being so wary of 'stranger danger' these days, it means that he is fearful of even smiling at a child in case he is branded as a pervert. Such a shame. We do need to warn children as our parents did us with the 'don't talk to strangers' rule. However, this woman was with her child and the child made the first move. So what was wrong with that? My 2 GDs often chat away to people when I'm out and about with them - they are too young to be anywhere on their own. I'm sure their parents will gently explain the talking to strangers rule in good time.
Often elderly people are on their own and their grandchildren live a distance away so saying hello to a child makes their day. Lets use our common sense.

eeeuw. Reinforces my resolve not to buy those pastries that are left lying around in garages etc with no covering or protection

I thought of this thread yesterday - I went to a big posh farm shop locally and it was heaving, as it sells the most amazing food ever. REALLY not a place to take small children, as it's the equivalent of Santa's Grotto for adults. We were making up a hamper of foods for DH's 80 year old uncle, his 80th falls on 28th December so we were pushing the boat out a bit, DH was carrying the food and we walked into a room filled with just cakes and chocolates and biscuits! Amazing ones, and a mother and grandmother were trying to ease a boy of about three out of the room. He wouldn't go. I started examining the cakes on offer and heard the women say 'that's it, we're going now, we're leaving you behind!' and they left. As I was just about to pick up a coffee and walnut cake, a grubby finger appeared and gouged a hole through clingfilm into a lemon cake next to it! Then pulled it out and sucked it and inserted it again! I hauled him away by his hood and turned him around whilst saying very sternly 'No! You are NOT to touch those cakes!' Only to come face to face with horrified Ladies...

I quickly smiled at them (forced, whilst remembering poor sunseeker's treatment) and showed them what he had done, thinking that they would take it and pay for it, but no. They just glared at me and walked off.