Anyone else on their own for Christmas?

Hi, my DS DiL and DGD have just left, I smiled and waved them off, watched them till they were out of sight came in and cried my eyes out. The dogs are not used to little people, my little pup was frightened and barked at GD that made her cry, GD seemed very sensitive to them barking, every time they barked she cried, now DS worrying about her being frightened of dogs and mine have not been socialised with children and so on. To be honest, the dogs did nothing but have a bark, when they arrived, and when DS was bringing in case and so on they were not happy, and followed him everywhere, but they are dogs they look after me, and their home, the pup very interested in any sort of food and chocolate Jaffa cakes were being wafted under his nose, well above it actually he is an 11 month old King Charles Cavalier spaniel. So he sat and looked at her and gave a little woof asking to be included in the snack, she cried at that as well. DS and DiL did their best to reassure DGD, but I am now so wound up, son saying well that's cut the visits by 80% DGD will not want to come now. All the rest of the visit was lovely the dogs wanted to be stroked and petted which my DS and DiL did just DGD that was nervous. They had a Bassett which passed a year ago but she was quite old when DGD was born, so she didn't rush around barking at a leaf falling from the tree. I did try to say well of course they aren't socialised with children, we don't have any. and there are no children near so apart from finding a school they are not likely too. Anyway I am more upset by DS comments than I think I am being left on my own again.
I am nearly 4 hours drive from them, so moving nearer to them is part of the enforced move option, but if GD is going to have a problem with the dogs, won't be a lot of point in me doing that. I don't know, what way to jump at the momentI know I am going to have to move on eventually, its getting my head round this rejection and coldness after 45 years, it just seems like madness. I cannot turn off my emotions like a tap and I am having trouble accepting that DH can, and has. Like PS says perhaps its just a matter of time, at least I feel angry which is better than feeling nothing, I think that must have been shock that made me feel numb. Anyway GNs thank you for letting me get this off my chest, I just feel fed up, and far from home.

Good luck ps.Hope 2014 is your year

LOL Goose - I used to have green hair till I had to attend court and give evidence in a trial (my daughter had been assaulted) and decided that green hair might not be a good look. Never went back to it but considering it now. Both daughters are encouraging me to return to green hair, but I fear comments from MIL and others - it never used to bother me but I'm a bit more sensitive these days, dagnabbit!

Recognise the 'paranoia mountain' you talk about....!

I am learning to keep my marf shut and am trying to keep guilt tripping to a minimum - my mother was the Queen of Guilt Trips and used to send me 'Are you Dead?' letters when I was a student if I didn't phone every week (I had to use a phone box as we didn't have our own). If I am hurt by my daughters' actions or lack of them, I try to deal with them without Casting Nasturtiums, but it's not always easy or possible and I am still learning and getting it wrong!

seasider thank you for the thought. As much as I know I should get out (I used to love walking) my brain just will not allow me. My ex and I used to walk along the river (I live adjascent to a country park along the River Weaver) so memories are such that I have become agoraphobic and just stay indoors. I'm sure it will get better with time at least I hope so.
As for a pint I'm afraid I have not touched alcohol for 14 months (medication and all that) and to be honest never frequented pubs other than for a meal and social drink with my ex and perhaps work. When I lived in Hampshire (a test valley village) the local pub was the hub of the village so often popped in. Sadly my life now is unrecognisable to what it was and I guess that is another side to how I feel. I am determined to recapture my life, I have never given in to anything in my entire life, however its just times such as these when isolated and alone when the darker side comes to the fore; consequently I can feel for those going through similar feelings. You are right however I know I need to get out and to socialise, god knows my doctor & psychotherapist tell me often enough but as withany will know what we know we should do is not what the brain permits us to do. Hopefully time is the healer all claim it is.

Ps . Can you not get out for a walk or even a pint in your local? I know from my time as landlady there will always be someone to chat to. How about joining a bowls club or similar. Getting out and about does not leave you as much time to brood on the past. Withany when my husband left me my family were 70 miles away and it was my close friends who got me through it so think carefully before you move away and do not make any hasty decisions. My husband cleared our bank accounts so please protect yourself financially. I know how hard it is but you will get through it.

ps that was a lovely and sincere reply to withany's last.

withany re moving, maybe you could do what I have done each time I have viewed a house when moving was on the cards. If I saw a house that I liked I would write down the pluses and negatives. You should do that for Bucks and Cambridgeshire. I do not know the price of houses or flats in each but that comes into the equation as well. Good luck.

withany hang on in there. Sadly there are no words which will be of comfort to you when you feel as you do. I and many others have been there so understand how you feel. Just take it hour by hour and day by day and if you need to shed a tear do so. You have described all the emotions I had a year ago and as someone on here told me you may never get to know the reason why but I accept that is the question you want answered above all else; I'm pleased to hear your son is visiting tomorrow.
Feeling unloved, unwanted and having wasted a life is a natural reaction and I'm sorry to say a feeling which may last for a long time yet. I am 14 months in on 2nd January & still feel like that. It's probably worse when you know you had no say in what happened. Your point regarding if he had died is a valid one and in many ways preferable in the sense that at least you could grieve in the knowledge that he was gone. As it is you are grieving but in the knowledge that he is still alive and in your mind having a wonderful time in a lovey dovey world. You must try not to think of things like that it will only inflict more pain.
Do not make any hasty decisions regarding your future although the temptation is to do so. Be careful what you say and agree too when the time comes too as it will be used against you when push comes to shove. I adored my ex and gave her everything she wanted and continued to do so after she left and moved in with her boyfriend she even got me to state various things in writing regarding assets etc. which is now being used against me by her solicitors so please be aware. Not that you will be able to stop yoursel if you feel anything like I did but forewarned is forearmed.
Try to stay positive and I wish you the very best and a peacefull night - I know its hard think of anything but them. Bless you, I just wish I could take some of that hurt away from you, I know how it is eating away at you.

Hi PS you are right, we have made it this far, you are also right about the tears, mostly self pity, frustration not knowing why he did this, and fear for the future. I feel very vulnerable, not sure where I want to move too, can I really start all over again. Seems like I will either be alone in Buckinghamshire with elderly cousins and 3 old reliable friends, or on my own in Cambridgeshire near youngest son and family. Frightened of making the wrong choice. Like you PS I haven't seen a sole today, I did have telephone calls from a couple of friends and a lovely Skype with my DGD on Christmas day. Yesterday was got through. Today I am tearful, tomorrow my son and family are coming early afternoon I'm a 4 hour drive away from him. Sunday, when they go, I will have to stop myself getting in the car and going home with them.
DH and new love. Of his life have not posted any musical duets, on YKC in fact DH posted a old song, said he hadn't posted to the site in a month.
She was conspicuous by her absence (she is a moderator on the site) whilst they were in Washington, then Harrisonburg, onto Lafayette, then back to her home in McGaheysville. She also posted an old recording. There has been no announcement, even just to say DH is visiting from UK just nothing. Find that a bit odd, wonder if his health problems have kicked in, the truth is probably they are so wrapped up with each other, they haven't recorded anything yet. Sorry everyone back in the doldrums, no good with my own company. God forbid if he had died, I could grieve and at least feel that I was loved. As it is, I just feel unloved, unwanted, with a wasted life (except for our children and their children) and a very uncertain future. This loneliness is a brutal house mate.

withany it's Friday night and you have made it, as we all have. Some easier than others but made it nonetheless. I would imagine quite a few tears have been shed, some in self pity, some in reflective regret and some in anger. All are valid and I would imagine a form of relief. Tomorrow is Saturday. New years eve will be another hurdle with all kinds of imaginings of fun and jolly times others will be having while we are not and hopefully we will get over that too. Please feel free to let your feelings be known it may just help you cope.
I have not seen or spoken to anyone face to face since Christmas eve so am looking forward to work on 2nd January but I find coming on here when I'm feeling sorry for myself helps. You will get there with or without help and do heed what Kate has said. Sadly ex's have a tendency to make unreasonable demands when they have left a relationship and the law is not designed to be fair just legal so please ensure you are protected.

withany you have been amazing. Just look at where you were two weeks ago and where you are now. You're a strong lady .I'm glad your DH didn't contact you - that would have been unsettling. Soon be Saturday . One thing worrying me is if/when your DH runs out of money , please make sure he can't clean you out.
Sleep tight. Hugs x

Well GN's its almost the end of boxing day and thank you for your support, it has made Christmas on my own more bearable than I thought it would be, you have lifted my spirits and kept me going, just the week end and New Year to get through
The weather forecast for tomorrow is bad so I think my DS will come on Saturday, I know I will cry when I see him, so no makeup on, panda eyes is not a good look, and with wrinkles even worse. It will just be so wonderful to hug him... nothing thank goodness from DH since Xmas eve. am just about to let the dogs out for their last... the wind has got up and its lashing it down with rain, don't think they will be out in that for long. going to wind down now with a last hot drink and maybe a bit of reading, so good night everyone.

riverwalk point taken (I think). Perhaps 'old school' isn't the right description, but I love writing and receiving letters (which is a rarity now days as it's all done soullessly on line) however I haven't got out of the habit of replying too quickly, because to me a letter is the equivalent of an on-going conversation, and I'm eager to get responses/reactions. My daughters are all conventional, so no, I don't have it all ways

The little beggars, they know how to wind up mum and they succeeded!

Hi, everyone just took my dogs out and the little devils vanished, and became deaf to the whistle, I managed to trudge up the field, lost wellie at one point, soggy grass and mud not nice to tread on, reclaimed wellie still no dogs, panicking now, its getting darker still no sign of them. Made it to top of field and one of them Mags is about 300 yds down the mountain path but no sign of Jac, he's only 11 months old and as daft as a brush. Got Mags on her lead marched well sort of marched down mountain path and there is Jac sitting down looking up into the sky at a seagull!!!.
I said quite a lot under my breath with muddy foot in wellie as we came home. I wish I drank I would have had a double.

So glad you had an enjoyable time Galen. perhaps you are finally charming the OG

Goose you describe yourself as 'old school' but then go on to say that you wear DMs, have pink hair and tattoos!

It's not surprising that your daughters don't toe the line on conventional Xmas niceties!

Ya can't have it all ways!

Well, it was quite nice in the end. We had Xmas dinner on the Xmas eve evening and they stayed until about 3pm on Xmas day, then Angel next door had invited me to share their Xmas dinner in the evening. Had a lovely time , even the old git was in a pleasant mood (unheard of Might have been helped by the fact I provided wine and champagne which mellowed him.

Goose you sound "perfect" for GN.............LOL lol pink hair! sounds wonderful

I'm friends with a young man at work who tells me that his mother may take up to a month to return a phone call or message from him or his sister. He says she is of the "no news is good news" brigade. He says she really is a "free spirit" and concedes that he doesn't know anyone else with a mother like that. He seems quite happy with it, laughs and shakes his head when he talks about his mum.

goose Unconventional is good! Why don't you try to ignore your dd's 'reaction' in the same way? Just accept the inevitable slow response for what it is. (I know it's easier said than done though)

I do phone them once a fortnight and keep in touch via email. Problem is I'm of the 'old school' and respond to emails the next day, if not straight away (I always did with written letters years ago) but now I have to wait weeks until I get a response to any emails I send them - and I can't get used to it - it's a lesson on the lines of 'mind the gap' - there's always a chasm between my sending and receiving replies, enough time for me to build up a paranoia mountain - 'did I say something wrong?' (if so, what???).
bikergran I find DM's very comfortable and I've always been unconventional, I'm described as Bohemianan, so am inclined to ignore other's reactions, which can be diverse and hurtful at times. I also have two (small) tattoos and pink hair. I might get evicted from GN for this confession

Yes, I did try contacting the girls, but phone's were switched off yesterday.
Things are better today as one of them remembered to pop in to see me for an hour on her way home from three days with her father and sisters, which was nice and far better than nothing. I think you're right about 'younger ones' having a total different philosophy regards keeping in touch. Mine seem to spend half their lives with their finger's/mind/eyes glued to some little gadget, keeping in touch with friends, but when it comes to keeping in touch with their mum - well, it doesn't seem to matter. Must be a generation thing

Elegran I could have written your post. I've always stressed to my dd and ds that I love hearing from them and I know how busy they are. I'm always cheerful when they ring (I have caller display) and it's now paying dividends!

Thank goodness!!!

Elegran, I agree with what you are saying. Guilt tripping DC can lead to duty calls or visits and this is not ideal. I hardly hear from DD but she has a very busy life, I know where she is and if I need her I just e-mail or write a line on facebook.

Goose Perhaps you should start a nautical range of DM's with Port & Starboard (Red & Green) it will certainly beat L&R (Left & Right).