Withany's bridge

No lecture, Withany but a gentle suggestion? How about just acknowledging his emails but no responses until you've consulted your solicitor? Hope today is better than yesterday

withany I'm afraid I must lecture but only in the nicest possible way and with your best interests at heart. Cease all communication via email or skype or facebook or by whatever means people digitally do in this day and age. Trust me it will come back to haunt you and bite you in the bum. There is nothing a solicitor can do for you if you have already given away all your trump cards in previous communication which rest assured he will be keeping and copying. I appreciate you are emotional over the situation, who wouldn't be, but you must stop handing him everything on a plate as no matter what you say or claim afterwards it is assumed you made the original statements with sound mind and body therefore afterthoughts will be argued as being almost inadmissable. If you must communicate do so by letter and get it cleared by someone who is impartial before you send it. That way you can rewrite it a dozen times before it is sent whereas an email is gone with a single click of the send button. Keep your powder dry was the advice I was given and all emails I exchanged are being used against me. Like you I was in no way capable of making an impartial and rational decision so agreed to far too much to my cost. It cannot be undone. I do however appreciate that you need to get things off your chest and want to vent your spleen. That is totally understandable, just try to convince yourself that revenge is best served ice cold. Whenim64's advice is sound advice, please try to take it.
Sincere best wishes from one who has been there.

withany, it's a long time since mine decamped, but please don't communicate directly with him. All communication should be between your solicitor and his, as this is clearly not going to be an amicable arrangement.

Be careful withany not to cut your nose to spite your face.

From what I understand, you don't want to split finances 50/50 with your husband because of what he's done - that's understandable. However, you could run-up very high legal fees and wipe out any gains in the percentage.

Thank you all, in my defence it was 2 .30 in the morning. My head hears, my heart had caught up, but after 45 years a lifetime almost, I just responded as I would have to anyone asking the same question.
As far as divorce costs go I am not liable for his costs not even half of them, mine are taken care of.
My solicitor says he will need to come to a financial agreement with me before divorce commences, or home sold. If he doesn't and judge has to make the split, I am certain that the court will award me adequate funds to rehome myself, I may even be awarded the whole property, who knows, but he will have to take legal advice eventually and he will be told the same as me, he is not entitled to 50 per cent, and I am not going to give it to him.

On a lighter note, when I put my shopping on conveyor belt tonight the last item was bread, the chap behind me put 5 loaves of bread down and about 6 boxes of frozen fish. I said are you going to try and feed the 5000, with the loaves and the fish. He turned then so that I could see him face on and yes you've guessed he was a vicar... He did laugh, but I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.
Off to see solicitor with list, and hopefully I will be able to kick hubby into touch as soon as he comes back
Take care everyone.

Do not assume that you will get more than 50%. My friend's husband walked out and went to live with another woman and he got half the house, half the value of the timeshare and tried to keep the car her mother bought. My friend's solicitor was a woman and she did her best but there was not enough to buy a house and friend had to move back in with her mother.

Hi Harrington, each case is different, there are different reasons for being awarded what amount. My solicitor tells me because of certain actions my hubby has made he will not get 50 per cent, so I am having to trust what she says as the truth, sorry your friend did not fair well out of such a terrible thing.
Very late, just souped son in L.A.
So night everyone

Withany unless you had a pre-nup your husband's behaviour doesn't affect the 50-50 split of assets, but if he has run up debts independent of you and it can be proved, that does. You do have to provide the verifiable evidence, though.

Wouldn't the fact that he cleaned out thejoint savings account count towards his share of the assets?

Is it impertinent to ask why a 50/50 split would not apply? Not prying but I always thought that unless there were dependent children and assuming joint ownership of the home, assets had to be divided equally.

Depends on his explanation, sunseeker and the timing. Speaking from experience of a few women who have been ripped off by husbands claiming they were clearing joint debts to friends, paying for agreed purchases etc. A good solicitor will delve into this, but it costs.

I don't understand the title of this, slightly unusual, thread. Is there an actual bridge somewhere?

I do that too Withany - type one thing and something entirely different comes out.

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jinglebellrocks you may find this thread hilarious, the others who have read it do not. You are being too flippanr for words requesting the next episode. If you cannot say anything helpful, say nothing.

maybe the boxes of frozen fish were the type that are in breadcrumbs/batter etc

Whatever Charley!

That would be packets of fish. Not boxes.

Oh charleygirl I took it as a light hearted anecdote (darned good one too) - so lighten up , please?

Changing the subject just very slightly, DH could always stand for "Dick head"

Ooooooh!

OOOPS, phoenix , Not for me , it couldn't !!!!!

Or any disparaging 'D' word as a preface to husband, e.g. dim, dozy, dastardly, damn...

withany I sincerely wish you the very best of luck in your efforts. Only you and your solicitor know the why's and wherefore's so are best placed to have a good indication of the split. You are aware of what happened to me, I was deserted and my ex is going for 50% of everything, including property in my name only, and wants me to pay rent for living in what was our joint home until such time as it is sold in spite of the fact that it was she who walked out without any warning at all. The law is not designed to be fair, in fact in many cases it isn't, it is designed to be legal and compliant with current legislation. I do hope you manage to achieve what you are morally entitled to. I am sceptical of lawyers and accountants and would never count my chickens before they are hatched but we live in hope that at sometime the sun must shine on the righteous. I hope so. Keep your spirits up and we are all rooting for you.

I thought awarding costs against someone in court was the judge's prerogative, not something that litigants could decide in advance.