Withany's bridge

What a story Withany sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs to you xxxxx

Withany stay strong we are rooting for you!

I'm glad you've posted tonight withany, I was beginning to worry about you.

Well done x

Good for you withany! Remember, the best revenge is to live well. Stay strong

Well done Withany and glad you got the bank account sorted. It does however illustrate that you are at his mercy moneywise. He could empty any joint accounts at any time. Best to set up an account in your name only and transfer 50% or whatever you think is a fair percentage (bearing in mind that he has already unilaterally taken the cost of his flights and 'holiday' etc.) from the joint account/s into your new one. If you have income of your own then arrange for that to be paid into your own account and if their is joint incoming coming in, set up a monthly standing order to have half of that transferred to your account.

Sorry to be so dictatorial but having worked for Women's Aid and then Family Mediation, I have seen far too many women unexpectedly left destitute when their spouse has simply closed accounts or emptied them.

Happy Happy new year . What a brilliant effort by you . well done!

Well done Withany - keep strong. The foundations of that bridge seem pretty firm to me. Keep us up to date with how things are going.

I agree with Granny23. You must look after yourself financially because he could easily wipe you out when he discovers that his money is running low.

withany I'm a bit confused.

In your original thread some weeks back, if I remember rightly, you were advised by me and others to sort out the bank account/credit cards straight away as he could clear you out and run up debts .... you said you had done this.

Yes, as others have said, disconnect from all joint finances and sort your own out asap before he has a fit of pique and leaves you high and dry. I speak from experience. My ex-husband waited to see my salary go into our joint account, then froze it that day to try and stop me divorcing him. I don't know if banks can freeze or close accounts today without permission from both parties - this was 27 years ago, and the bank manager was an old school friend of my ex.

You sound so much more upbeat now, Withany. Great stuff!

Happy new year to you all, and thank you for your support. Please don't worry Riverwalk, I did sort out finances, he cannot get to mine. The only reason I still have access to the old current account is because he uses it to continue paying the D/Ds (they were already being paid from this account before he walked) he agreed to pay house insurance, contents, dog insurance and her medication, I just check the money is there, but The water company has taken the final months payment the T.V.'s license last 1/4 payment has come out, I had forgotten these so I needed to put those payments back. He hadn't agreed to pay them, and I don't want to give him any ammunition on that score. My finances sorted to my satisfaction, he is just stropping because I wont agree to a 50% split on our home and assets, I have no intention of paying for the privilege of having my life blown apart with GNs support and messages, I intend to build this bridge and chuck him off it, he doesn't know what's about to hit him. with any luck the water will be teeming with piranhas, what fun...

Withany , way to go , girlfriend !

yes withany you go girl!!!

I should have realised you would be all sorted moneywise Sounds as if you are on a roll now - 'rolling, rolling, rolling o'er a river'

Well think I will have to make an adjustment, DH rang me yesterday out of the blue, I expected him to reply by email. In my naivety alright stupidity I had asked him if he was coming home early because I had seen a property I would be happy to move to but Agents wouldn't accept offer, because this one not on the market and not likely to be until March.
Anyway he said no he wasn't coming home early but he would if I wanted him to he would help me, sign documents and so on he could come home for a couple of weeks. I told him no I didn't want him to come just for a fortnight he needed to sort everything out not just an estate agent, well see what you can do I am happy to talk to estate agents etc. I put the phone down took dogs out for walk and found myself sobbing into my boots, don't know how much was shock, how much was anger and frustration. My son rang I told him what I had done and he told me that DH was probably ecstatic, I was playing right into his hands, he would help me get what I wanted then at the last minute use it to get his 50 50 share. I was so blinded by the bungalow being somewhere I have lived and knew, that I had thought no further than that. Anyway then had to email DH and tell him bungalow was off, didn't want him to come home early would see him in March. I did sleep surprisingly well.
I think I am going to put a huge gate on my bridge, password protected so that he can't come up behind me and pull me down.
So it was tears before bedtime yesterday, but am up and hopping mad at myself today. Good job I bought a hard hat

Have you got a friendly solicitor looking after your interests, withany? If he has the power to pull strokes such as you and your DS are describing, perhaps some additional support might be useful.

Hope you're seeing your solicitor very soon Withany. This whole business of assets and property is a minefield that even your metaphorical hard hat (very fetching, by the way,) won't protect you from. There are so many things to be taken into account that really only a legal eagle is going to be able to help you effectively. Sending you strength, and .

Agree with when get to a Solicitor, I would make a list of all the things you want to ask to make sure you don't forget anything.

I am still finding this whole situation very surreal Withany, it is almost like a soap opera, I am sure you could write a book, your posts are so prolific.

withany and I sincerely hope that when you write DH you do not mean "Dear Husband" ...

Well PS gave him a great name Spineless B, which is very apt. I also find my situation surreal cazthebookworm. You have no idea what a nightmare this all is for me. Yes I do have a solicitor who I see next week. I don't know about kind, I am told solicitors are not your friends they are just there to tell you what the law says!! No idea how old mine is but I think I have lipsticks which are older. However, she got to grips with financial split on my first visit.
My list gets longer by the day, and to be honest I shall be glad to see her and get things started.
I am quite pleased that I have managed to set up new mobile iphone my little furry monster Has chewed the other one, and also my replacement kindle fire. I am using kindle at the moment, but I really hate the predictive text. I type one thing but something else appears. Anyway another day got through, start of a new week, tomorrow I see how much weight I have lost on the complan diet. 2stone 3 lbs since November. Tuesday I am going to hairdresser see if I can have a new hair do. With luck by the time SB comes back I shall be a size 16, and looking gorgeous! Even if that's only in my head, I need a confidence boost. Rejection a bitter pill to take.
Thank you for your support and words that keep me going. Take care everyone.

withany I sometimes despair at the antics some men get up to to the extent that it is at times almost an embarrassment to be a male. Fortunately we are not all the same and similarly not all females are the same. Do ensure you are protected however, he decided to leave, he made his bed, so must now lie in it. I confess some of the ladies on here helped me 14 months ago with messages of support for which I am grateful so I'm certain they will be a comfort to you too.
Good luck

Well walked right into his trap... I had a bad night last night wandering around at 3 in the morning, turned on emails and yes there was one from SB saying he had seen the bungalow I was interested in it looked lovely, he noted it was part ownership was I happy with that etc. Idiot that I am I said didn't think I would ever be able to own home again, this was an option as was a mobile home, both lease hold but better than paying rent to a private landlord with no secure tenure, said I was seeing solicitor soon and get things underway.
It wasn't till I went back to bed and woke up this morning at 6a.m that the penny dropped... he is sounding me out so that he can say I am happy to part rent, so I don't have to be given a bigger split that 50% when he sets out his case for that amount.
Emailed him and said well done walked into his trap but no I was not happy to part own or rent anything I wanted the security of owning my home as I had since 1982, I had just been looking at options.
Where he thinks I would find the rent money from I don't know, he wouldn't care anyway, he is just thinking about his share, he hasn't grasped the fact that we have to agree financial settlement before divorce can proceed, and house goes on the market and even then our home may not sell, and unless I find what I want to move into I am not going anywhere anyway and he will get nothing, he will have his empty one bed flat, or he may be back being a kept man with the bitch from Virginia but where ever it is it won't be with me.
Please don't lecture me too much GNs I feel bad enough as it is