Are you a good mother?

Some thoughtful points here thatbags. I remember once having a heated argument with some other mothers when mine were small who said the only thing they wanted for their children was for them to be happy. Now I didn't want my children to be unhappy, but I did want them to put as least as much back into society as they had or would receive from it and that it was important to instil that into them. Their own 'happiness' would often have to take a back seat.

I never thought that aiming to make my children happy was a good goal. My aim was for them to be trustworthy, kind and principled. I reckon happiness, or at least a feeling of self-worth, hat I reckon happiness partly depends on, a contentment that you are doing, or trying to do, your (imperfect) best is more important.

Here's an interesting clip by Jenni Murray about her body image and the effect her mother had. I remember Jenni when she was a young TV presenter on local news and she was in my antenatal class, sitting on my floor with her partner. Interesting how someone so successful is still affected by the kind of mothering she had.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01pr6cw

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01pr6cw

I'm a fan of Jenni's but I do wish she stop blaming her poor late mother for everything!

I get a bit fed-up of her witterings sometimes, particularly when extolling her latest diet.

Some time back I saw a picture of her with her young sons, one of whom was quite overweight - is his mother to blame for that?

I'm sure she'd be hurt if in the future he writes articles on how his upbringing made him fat.

I heard her talk on woman's hour on Monday, from what she was saying her mother was quite abusive to her about her weight.

I think I have been ok! You would have to ask my children. They both still speak to me! DS was a stroppy beggar for a while as a teenager but he turned out OK in the end.

I was lucky that DD was always a very easy going baby and child she could get melodramatic but had a sense of humour.

When DD was at the "I don't like you any more" stage when her will was crossed, I would just reply "Tough! I am still your mummy and you'll have to put up with me looking after you until you are big." It seems to have worked OK with no resentments.

My mum was very warm and loving but I wish she had been a bit better about doing our laundry more often and buying us some decent clothes so we didn't go out looking scruffy and smelly. I still resent that, it set me up for much bullying which added to my shyness.

My parents were not really hard up, my dad was a teacher before salaries improved relatively the later 60s. I think my mother had a thing about anything fashionable being dangerous and daring, pop music included. She managed to instill a sense of shame, prudery and lack of confidence in me and my sister.

In other ways she was very good. With small kids she knew how to chat with them and allowed us to make dens behind the settee with her clothes horse, mud pies and other child friendly messy play.

Hmm its a tricky one to post on. It's amazing how these feelings last long after the event.

My mother was an excellent mother, under very hard circumstances. I had a lovely gran too. So much love.

I know I did my best but I sometimes wish I had the knowledge I have now, then.

I became a much better mother when my children had their own children and now get many surprised remarks about how well I handled situations similar to ones they are now facing

Reading all the posts is rather comforting, as it reassures me that most Mothers, mostly manage to do their best for their children but sometimes fall short of their own high standards.In other words, we muddle through.