Who's there for *you*...

Twiceasnice, I'm so glad that the lovely people on Gransnet are so supportive to you. I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time - I hope you have plenty of 'real life' support too in family and friends. Even strong people need support and arms around them at times, and you are no exception. I wish you continuing strength, courage and love. xxx

Thank you Kittylester much appreciated. It,s lovely to find that lots of people are happy to help you.

Meant to add one more person before I posted. There is one very lovely lady on Gransnet who I have been private messaging and who has been so sympathetic . You know who you are I send you a big thank you. I find Gransnet immensely supportive on lots of issues and love being on here. Thanks to all!

Great that help was there when you needed it Twice as I'm sure you have been there when needed for other people.

I have relied on myself for many years through some very difficult times and I know I have been see as very"strong" by others and someone who can be called on to fix things and I have always been happy to help if. I could. However last month something awful happened to me which took me right to the edge of being able to cope and I have been overwhelmed by the support given to me by friends, colleagues, and professionals alike. My daughters and my best friend of 50 years have been especially wonderful and I could not have managed without them. No help from my husband whomI am divorcing he is the cause of it all. I say do ask for help when you really need it we all have a breaking point and in January I reached mine

Having said all that up there ^^, GN has just come up trumps in soop's kitchen so I must add to my list the wonderful Gransnetters, who are anything other than invisible and silent when necessary!!

I am the strong one in the family who copes when others hit a wall. the problem with that is everybody tends to overreact if I am the one who fails, so I keep stumm.

But the backstop is I do know they will rally round, just be in a state of shock for a while when it happens.

I have a good family and great friends but I find it difficult to take my problems to anyone else. It is a bit like talking about money, at work I could strike an excellent deal or ask for a rise for someone deserving; for charity I can push and push but I was never able to ask for a rise for myself!

I think the fault must be my own, I seem to always put others first and listen to their troubles. Yesterday during a conversation with DS talking about doing something for someone else DS didn't want me to because it might affect my health. That hadn't occurred too me.

DH is great but sometimes needs to be told rather than noticing. DSs are each great in their own different ways and friends are kind but if I don't tell them there is a problem how can they help?

I ring a friend to talk.

But ultimately, It's just me, as carer for my husband with multiple health problems. Our two grown sons think we are OK.

If I ended up ill myself, I'm sure our sons and our friends would turn up. But when I'm screaming inside, that's where it stays - inside.

I feel incredibly lucky as DH is always there for all of us!

After him my three daughters would cover the spectrum of support eg, angry, sympathetic, practical etc. My sons wouldn't be so much use . My younger brother would be quite good and I have a couple of close friends and a lovely sister-in-law!

But, I do tend to keep things to myself, at least initially, so would probably say myself.

I have never been in that position, thank God. I agree with jingl and would probably rely on myself to sort it.

Yes. Losing your DH and your daughter is unimaginely sad. I am so sorry.

Rowantree

Agree, Jingle, especially about not burdening the kids, but it would be nice sometimes to have someone to have a bit of a lean on, even though I reckon I'm a reasonably strong lass with a fair bit of the old common sense. Johnny Depp would do.

Me. Because no one else can really do it for you. DH is helpful sometimes. I don't feel it's fair to burden the kids, however tempting that can be.

In the end you have to sort it out for yourself, using the all important commonsense.

Dragonfly, you've had a huge amount to deal with, that's clear. Thank goodness for Gransnet. We can support each other. Gransnet is a revelation to me.

My kids, but I try not to ask too often for help, don`t want to overdo it.

PS thank you. I understand from other threads that you've had some struggles. It's good to know how GN helps so many people. It's beginning to feel a bit like home to me.

In fact ps you may not realise it but you sound distinctly more upbeat than when you first posted. I remember clearly how harrowing your first post was.

Dragonfly1 I second anno's comment and if I may say I was left in a strange and alien (to me) part of the country, not knowing anyone, deserted and alone. I found (by chance) this forum and it has pulled me through 15 months and counting. OK I still don't know anyone or anywhere as I am quite a private person but still here and kicking - sadly being kicked too but coping after a fashion. Please do not hesitate to talk if ever you reach anywhere near the depths I did. There are many on here who will share any problems.
Take good care.

anno thank you.

Dragonfly, I hope you feel you can unload on us. There's always someone who can share your problems.

I've lost my hubby, eldest daughter and best friend in the last 3 years. My only brother died in 2000 and my dear dad is 90 and getting quite frail. My other darling daughter is a star but has her own family and problems. I don't feel there's anyone left who's really there for me.

I have been reluctant to let the coping mask slip when with the DDs but did have a bit of a moan to DD1 the other week. I have some good friends who are great for an "off load" but I supose when the chips are down it does devolve on to the family. DH has manifold health issues and becasue he has been the centr of attention for so many years, I doubt how much use he would be - he would want to help, but I would not be able to put things on to him. I suppose like ffinocchio (sp?) I still think it's down to me with the wonderful support of my cyberfriends. Haven't quite hit the depths yet - but you'll know when I do!

I am lucky enough to have the support of DH and 3 DDs. Sometimes when I have tried to keep things to myself they have been upset that I didn't share with them so that they could help. I know I can count on other family and also a number of friends. I am very lucky and I hope they feel they can depend on me too.