If you feel bullied

One post was deleted because of its content and that person apologied to Margaretm.

There are many ways to feel 'bullied'.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I read the post before it was deleted, and it wasn't directed at margaret.

Oh Flip! I've gone out and missed everything again.

I guess some sensitive souls will feel bullied at times. But when you think about it it isn't "real" life - you can walk any time you like, and totally ignore the thread.

You and me both, merlot !

I must say , as a relative newcomer, I've been reluctant to post on controversial subjects , because of the rather immature playground bullying of a few GN's.

I have only felt, well I would say "got at" rather than "bullied" once, and it was a situation involving nasty messages too. But I wasn't alone, and it was soon sorted out.

You are so right, whitewave about the need to distinguish between debate where you might not like what is being said, and being bullied. But isn't it, then, a question of perception? If you are in the minority in a debate, or are not used to that sort of cut and thrust, you might well take it personally. (I am using "you" in a general sense!)

Equally, sometimes what is said needs to be thoughtfully written!

I think there's a rudeness where others would see someone with convictions, giving a strident response. Overall it's a shame as I do believe there are so many that choose not to post and I understand that completely. All depends what you want from the forums I suppose. Some chat, discussion, sharing of interests, me too. Some want to soap box, stir things up a little. That's okay unless it gets unkind. I think my strategy will be lurk when it suits me. My favourite forums are Books and to my knowledge, my experience, there's less friction there.

Yes, but against that Whitewave there are those who think they can say what they like, in a rude or patronising way which just wouldn't normally happen in 'real life'. They feel protected by the anonymity of a forum and lack if face to face contact.

Next of course someone will say that the written word can be misinterpreted, which of course is true, but all too often some posters know exactly what they are saying. Snide remarks designed to make others feel small or ignorant, which is what M74 referred to I think.

So why should someone have to walk away to escape that?

I'm sure jingl isn't the only one to cry into her fish and chips, a brave admission. I too have experienced that.

Real bullying is very unpleasant; here on G'net is more cut and thrust debate I would say, and we all have our own opinions. Sometimes it does us good to have the other side of the story presented, and we can then think about how we now feel after reading various comments.Nobody must make the original poster feel 'small' however much we may disagree with the post, just put our opinion up and leave it at that.If I don't like the way a thread is going, I get out fast and don't return to it.I'm old enough to not be bothered by it anyway,but if someone is having a hard time [in the real world] I can understand why they then feel upset.

And me. (Sheherd's pie, though)

Sorry, that was to Aka.

Corned beef hash.

Got it Ana hence my reply

That is what I mean Aka it isn't real life, because we can't hear the tone of what is being said or look at the individual face. It is up to us as GN'rs to try to remember this and ensure that what we write will not give offence but at the same time we must protect the individual's right to say what they believe - a fine line I know but we are all pretty ancient now and should be able to understand that.

There will always be people who dislike confrontation and those who love it. I have a foot in both camps!!

Some posters make me want to put my knickers on top of my jeans!

Yo Ho! What like John Major?

I don't know what thread this refers to, but since belonging to some other forums where there are very forthright male posters I've developed a thick skin.
Whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know. Like PM's Questions?
As a newish member I think you're more sensitive to the tone of responses.

Can I join your club merlot and Phoenix- I always miss everything!

I had a nasty reaction some long time ago from someone, who still posts albeit under a different name, to one of my comments . I had a lot of support from other members who know that I am a jolly , timid wouldn't say boo-to-a-goose character and I now avoid this person like the plague. I never comment or react to anything she writes.
I do find that some people think that only their point of view matters; I don't agree with a lot which is discussed and very occasionally fight my corner, but life is too short to battle against those who are entrenched in their views and don't accept that others have a totally different view on things, so I just don't enter into controversial subjects, which is a shame but there you go.

The problem with the controversial subjects is that you have to be 100% certain that your opinion is correct or you'll soon be backed into a corner by the 'take no prisoners' brigade. In real life you can offer a view that might be a bit off track and not expect to be shot down in flames by someone who is so rude you would probably cross the road to avoid them.

It is a bit like driving isn't it? People behave in a quite different way and say things they would never dream of saying normally.