Gransnet forums

Chat

If you feel bullied

(274 Posts)
whitewave Thu 20-Feb-14 15:35:05

Perhaps we could have some sort of pax system for those of us feeling bulllied. But people must understand the difference between lively debate where they will read stuff they don't like and actual bullying, and I am not sure after re-reading the thread that there was any bullying going on, well at least nothing that I would feel bullied about if I was Margaret74

Nelliemoser Sat 22-Feb-14 21:49:29

I have seen people saying they will PM someone when they want to pass on some confidential or personal information, I cannot see what is wrong with that.

granjura Sat 22-Feb-14 21:10:46

Agreed petallus- and it was quite unpleasant.

Charleygirl Sat 22-Feb-14 20:21:09

Margaretm74 changed her name to fleaintheear but I have not seen a reply from her to any of the posts. Have I missed her do you think or has she gone for good?

whenim64 Sat 22-Feb-14 20:05:01

Careful Petallus! You'll be 'the old guard' in some people's eyes next time it kicks off and a new member decides to make an exit! grin

I just like being around when it's friendly and we can have a heated debate without falling out smile

Galen Sat 22-Feb-14 19:36:40

I joined nov 11 si I've been here a long time also. I did change my name though.

Galen Sat 22-Feb-14 19:35:28

And me!grin
If we were meeting at my house, I might say ill pm you my address!

petallus Sat 22-Feb-14 19:35:19

Galen I feel I have been on GN long enough to talk about 'the old days' with nostalgia of course smile.

Some of the GNetters who were around then are no longer.

absent Sat 22-Feb-14 19:20:03

I want to meet Phoenix for coffee too but I don't think a pm will cut the – er – mustard. grin

Ariadne Sat 22-Feb-14 19:04:22

If I PM someone it is usually to share something that is pertinent to them but not of interest to everyone, or may be too detailed (e.g. courses, or personal experiences that tally with theirs) That is the only time I'd say "I have PMd you".

Otherwise, it is just social engagements. For example, I might want to arrange to meet a local GNetter for coffee! You know who you are! Oh, in the interests of transparency, that is probably Phoenix!

Ana Sat 22-Feb-14 18:57:34

Yes, I know what you mean, petallus.

Galen Sat 22-Feb-14 18:55:54

The 'old days?'

Penstemmon Sat 22-Feb-14 18:40:16

A good example of how individuals see thing so differently!

Some think announcing a PM is a negative act like 'whispering behind your hand' whereas others considered it as open and transparent!

I thought a comment + wink emoticon next to someone's name at the end of a post could be considered a bit like whispering behind your hand but others considered it an innocent sign of support/like mindedness.

So easy to mis-understand each other.

petallus Sat 22-Feb-14 18:32:23

Ana you probably remember the old days when there were some very argumentative threads on GN.

Someone involved in a dispute with another poster would suddenly announce they had received many messages of support from other posters through the PM system.

And there was a definite feeling, sometimes, that groups of 'friends' were PMing each other as well as contributing to the thread.

This gave a feeling of insecurity to me and some others.

So, mentioning that you are PMing someone is a welcome improvement on that scenario as far as I am concerned.

Instead of secrecy there is transparency.

Nonnie Sat 22-Feb-14 18:26:02

Perhaps someone who does it could explain? It feels as if perhaps they want us all to know for whatever reason. I suppose if I had PM'd someone and expected a response and not got one after a reasonable time I might PM again and then if no response I might put it on a thread but when I have PM'D someone they have responded so it hasn't been necessary.

Eloethan Sat 22-Feb-14 17:58:36

absent grin

absent Sat 22-Feb-14 17:50:17

I can't help feeling that this is a bit of a storm in a molehill.

Ana Sat 22-Feb-14 17:38:28

I agree, merlot. petallus, how on earth can it give a feeling of 'transparency'? I'd have thought 'secrecy' more apt! confused

petallus Sat 22-Feb-14 17:15:28

I like it when someone posts saying they have PMd.

Gives a feeling of transparency.

merlotgran Sat 22-Feb-14 17:13:48

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the announcement that a PM is winging its way is the Gransnet equivalent of whispering behind your hand. It also smacks of self importance. Just do it. It's private so we don't need to know.

Galen Sat 22-Feb-14 17:11:11

I only check my GN inbox if I get an email telling me I have a pm in it from someone. This email doesn't always happen

Ana Sat 22-Feb-14 17:07:59

I meant check their Gransnet inbox, Galen.

Galen Sat 22-Feb-14 17:00:45

Not always. Sometimes for some unknown reason the email saying you have a pm doesn't work! (Probably because you've done something to upset the Flying Sphaggetti Monstrr)

Ana Sat 22-Feb-14 16:49:06

I've often wondered that too, Nonnie. They're probably just urging the recipient to check their in-box, but it can make others feel uncomfortable.

Nonnie Sat 22-Feb-14 16:44:26

By PM if you like! grin

Nonnie Sat 22-Feb-14 16:44:12

Why do people write on the forums that they have PM's someone? I've wondered this for a long time as surely the one who has been PM'd knows. Please someone enlighten me.