Gransnet forums


Whole limericks

(62 Posts)
Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 09:29:47

A Virgin Rail ticket inspector
Became conscientious objector,
When a lass in first class
Tried a tentative pass,
And his conscience forced him to reject her.

merlotgran Fri 28-Mar-14 09:35:13

If you want to look sexy on skis
Remember you must bend ze knees
Coz the first thing you learn
Is that if you can't turn
You'll be arse over tit in the trees!

MiniMouse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:56:27


jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 10:38:55

There was an old lady from berks
Who said nothing of me now works
Must go on a diet
Really must try it
So she sat down and had a nice milky coffee and two slices of toast and marmalade.

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 12:06:01

There was an old woman who lived in a house
She wished it could always be quiet as a mouse
As she lay there all day snivelling in bed
Along came a grandson whose name was Fred
He said "get up gran and give it a go
You'll soon need the lav and I'll not fetch the po".

(po is what a chamber pot was shortened to)

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 12:06:52

I know that's not a limerick! hmm

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 12:12:53

If someone else put one on I would stop.

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 12:21:54

A 'netter called Jinglebellsfrocks
Expecting to get some hard knocks
Wrote an unscanning limerick
With rhythms most seasick
And wondered why poets threw rocks.

soop Fri 28-Mar-14 12:28:30

There was a wee lass in Kintyre
Who had what you call a spare tyre
So she sat on her bike
And pedalled all night
La lah la la lah
la la lah
Daft as a brush...that's me wink

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 12:30:40

He he he!!! grin I can duck! grin

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 12:31:36

Now she's as thin as a wire?

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 12:32:17

That's a good one soop. grin we're better than the rest of 'em

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 12:34:17

Better at what Jings ?

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 12:35:39

Writing pomes

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 12:41:02

Pomes yes, limericks no.

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 12:48:14

I know! hmm Only joking missis. smile

DebnCreme Fri 28-Mar-14 12:50:21

An elderly lady got caught in the rain
Causing her arthur-ritis to be quite a pain
She received some new joints
Could then stand on her points
And her walking stick was used not again.

Well, I can dream can't I?

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 12:51:07

But can you write a real limerick, or is it only cod ones?

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 12:52:12

Not you, DebnCreme ! ^You* clearly can. I was wondering about jings

DebnCreme Fri 28-Mar-14 12:53:09


jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 13:03:44

There was a young feller from Warwick
Who went by the name of Sir Yoric
He had a degree
Was clever you see
And now he's directing the traffic.

Yeah alright! I know the last bit doesn't rhyme! (Quite good apart from that)

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 28-Mar-14 13:04:50

And that's twenty minutes of my life I won't get back! hmm

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 13:12:53

So you can do a limeric, just with the end a bit dodgy(no k - end dodgy - oh forget it)

soop Fri 28-Mar-14 13:17:10

Very commendable. jings...

MiniMouse Fri 28-Mar-14 13:20:00

There is a Gransnetter who sings
Who denies having huge bingo wings
When she takes a deep breath
People wish they were deaf
Her flapping brings down most ceilings!