MIL

My grandparents had the right idea. When I was little, they regularly sent me a kind of junior book token called a 'book tally' (each worth about 1/-) and when I had enough I was able to go and pay for a new book with them. 70 years later I remember them for the gift of reading. My other granny was less affluent but lived round the corner and I remember her for the love and care she gave us and the times we went on bus or boat trips with her. Grandparents will be remembered for many things, but not for the big expensive toys that are consigned to the depths of the toy box after a week or two.

How is you cat ethel?

Please, please do not complain about being sixty. I have a friend who is terminally ill and is only fifty. Life is good.

I sort of lay my offerings at their feet.

Sometimes I think it's a bit like the adoration of the magii.

I enjoy giving presents to my grandsons. It's one of the things that brings me most pleasure and happiness. Joy, in fact.

I disagree with the attitude that we are supposed to spoil them by over purchasing and cluttering their homes with uneccessary, and sometimes inappropriate, toys. In reality, that Gran indulging your own shopping fetish and showing off (or worse, abusing credit.)

Grans should by what is needed and wanted, and perhaps strive to add a bit of extra, but if you really want to benefit a child with your excess money: put it in savings for them.

oP, the wonan's son is the one to speak to her to preserve whatever relationship your daughter has with her. But if he wont, she can declare that gifts outside of a certain range at holidays and birthdays STAY AT GRAN's to play with there. Pop them back in her car at the end of the visit, leave them in the spare room when leaving her home. Let them be her problem.

Don't be too shocked by this, jings, but I think I agree with you.

Do you think so, Jingl

Yes indeed ! It makes you wonder whether to respond or not. [confused}

Indeed yes, Jings Hence all the "winding-up" that she enjoys.

I think Ethelbags has possibly got an online persona that is nothing like the real Ethel.

Hi ethel - I'm certainly not going to berate you as I don't have to walk in your shoes (so to speak) and I know nothing of your life. However, if you do have hang-ups about your past, talking with a professional may help you learn to overcome some of those things or, at the very least, put them into perspective and not allow them to dictate your mindset so much.

I will echo the sentiments of others though in that your GD will not remember most of her presents but she will remember special days, special things (panto, making gingerbread men, going out and collecting pine cones and gluing glitter on the end bits to make some decorations) and I think it is a good thing to encourage children not to be materialistic and not to believe that happiness comes from possessions or who can have the best (insert whatever comes to mind).

How old is your GD?

a lovely post Elegran and do please read it in the way it is meant. There are lots of people on here on which to offload , and many people who have family and health problems that many of us cannot even imagine the difficulties of. You said in the past that people take advantage of you/dont pay for massages/dont want you because you are overweight. It is more likely because people can pick up on your mood, and there is nothing relaxing about having a massage done by someone who is resentful, it is bad karma! Now take a deep breath, smile, and enjoy your birthday with your family and friends.

Ethel You need friends. Friends who will tell you when you are being unreasonable, shut you up when you go on and on about all the ways you are disadvantaged and encourage you to be positive about life. It does not sound as though you have too many of those in real life (probably because you are, it is true, a glass-not-even-half-full person and you are not slow to show that.) Gransnet is full of virtual friends, listen to them. They have a lot of common sense, and they are not out to do you down.

In my street live two elderly sisters who are exactly the same. It is hard work holding a conversation with them, because they see the black side of everything, from the parking habits of their neighbours to international politics, and they talk of nothing but how they have been wronged by this and that person or agency. I stop and speak whenever they are in the front garden, but most of my (younger) neighbours avoid them like the plague, not surprising really. So added to their other complaints is "the dreadful attitude of young people today"

You see what I mean? You get back what you give. If you give aggro and misery, you get back aggro and misery, doubled. If you give goodwill, you get back goodwill, doubled.

Some of your posts are bitter and resentful about your childhood and your present life, and others say you can't help tongue-lashing others. If you genuinely want to stop and be more pleasant to others but are unable to change your mind-set, then do get some help to steer you on a different course. It is not easy to change the habits of a lifetime, but this 60th birthday could be a good place to start on an upward track. Be honest with your GP and ask to be referred to a professional who will work with you. There are others on the forum who know what to ask for.

Good luck. You deserve a better outlook than you have - and it can improve.

Hi absentgrandma, have a good birthday, many happy returns. I know I don't like birthdays but I always wish others to have a good time x

You just have to read some of the postings to appreciate the terrible situations that some people are living with. This has helped me put my concerns and worries into context. That's not to say they aren't real, just that it's easy to for me to exaggerate them, particularly if I am feeling low.

ethel, I looked (or had a gawp, as you put it) at your photo and saw a happy smiling face. I really didn't expect to!
You say you work as a volunteer - do you enjoy this?
When I was working there was a member of staff who always seemed to be complaining about this or that. When taken to one side and asked why she did this, (as it was having a knock-on effect on those she worked with, and for), she answered that she liked moaning and complaining! Need I say more....?

I will be 71 tomorrow( I don't care who knows it!)...and if I make it (God willing) I will raise my full glass and be happy that my meagre pension allows me to enjoy my retirement. Sometimes/somedays we feel more cheerful than others but as other posters have said be happy you're still alive . In a previous thread I mentioned my sister having died of MND two years ago. She was the age I am now when she was diagnosed and in a wheel chair 6 months later. I thank God every day that I'm still here and sometimes I'm angry that my sister no longer is. We should all count our blessings

That saying 'If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem' comes to mind.

Stop being part of the problem Ethel, start thinking about how you can stop yourself feeling so resentful and start being grateful for what you have - then you might be able to see that present-giving is about thinking about what would give the other person happiness and not about impressing them, or making them feel guilty, with how much money has been spent.

That goes for your DD's MiL giving your DGD presents just as much as you receiving presents for your birthday.

merlotgran Oh. Yes......

merlotgran

I would say I'd like to be 60 again but then I remember I can now sit at home and get paid for NOT going to work

It's just a number.
Age has a lot to do with attitude.
When I am old I will wear purple... etc

It is better than 61.