Regrets/turn back time

You cannot change the past or the present, they are gone, concentrate on making the future the best possible.

Just came across this ;

'Never let what was or could have been, spoil what is or could be.'

Makes good sense if not always easy.

I agree with Charleygirl

Rien- je ne regrette Rien! What's the point?

If we hadn't become pregnant at 18, which seemed like such a disaster in 1964, meant I couldn't go to university etc, I would not now have my wonderful children and 6 grandchildren and wouldn't be who I am. I learned a lot, and think, as a rather spoiled only child, it did me good.

Just did everything the other way round, got my degrees, had a career, and am now looking forward (DV) to our golden wedding next year - and I will "only" be 69...

No, no regrets. Just amazement, maybe!

There are many things in my life that I wish had not happened but they did and no amount of wishing will change that.

I've made myself unhappy sometimes dwelling on ´what could have been' but I've got over that for the most part. I'm forever grateful for DH's love and steadfastness throughout our 40 years together.

Now I look forward, not back.

"Mishap" OH says he knows how I feel but can't do anything at the moment. We won't stay in this house forever but not sure if we will be able to afford to move back to where I want to be. I just want to move back now

absentgrandma so much of what you have written resonates with me. I suppose if I had gone to university at 18 I may still have met DH, but if I had taken the job abroad I would not have done. If I had said I wanted to wait a few years to 'do my own thing' before we got married he may have married someone else (and so may I). So no regrets really. Just that old saying that 'youth is wasted on the young'.

I regret marrying. I've done it twice and will not do it again. The title 'Mrs' seems to create in me a need to become a doormat, constantly deferring to 'Mr' - and then secretly resenting it. The mad thing is that on both occasions, I knew in my heart of hearts that I didn't want to be married, so why did I do it? I wanted to live with each of the men but really wanted it to be more like riding your horses side by side.

But my first marriage gave me the sons I adore and my second marriage gave me material comfort and the opportunity to explore my inherent talents. So on reflection, I can't say that I regret them, just that I wish that I had been more true to myself. Both my husbands expected me to fulfil a traditional wifely role - and I did it - for 48 years in total - that's my regret

Ginny if I were your friends I wouldn't move but I guess we are all different. I've joined lots of groups over the years since we moved here and have found that although the women talk to me at the group they keep their distance about being friends outside of the groups. They all have their own friends/family living near so don't seem to need me/us. I even went on one of those church courses as DIL said it might help me to make friends. Nothing came of it despite me talking to many of them about how I felt really down. I do work so that helps but I still keep wishing I was back in my old house or at least area where we had friends and knew a lot of people to say hello to.

OH says he knows how I feel (I keep telling him) but he can't do anything about it. He's not bothered about moving back so he's not feeling the same as me. I just hate being here, try to be grateful for what I do have but its not always easy.

I should have had the courage of my convictions when I was young - gone to university at 18, travelled more, taken that job abroad before I got married (I would have married later, but still DH).

You can do these things when you're older but it's not the same.

I had a good life up until the time DH died. I regret not talking about the small things. Too late now and I will have to live with those regrets for ever. How I wish I could turn the clock back.......

I was married at 20 and we are still married now after 45 years. I don't regret it. It hasn't been a bed of roses believe me but we are still here.

I regret not being kinder to certain people.

I regret running off and leaving a stray kitten up in the woods. It was trying to follow us and DH didn't want a cat in the house. I really regret that.

I have no regrets, those that might be called regrets were inevitable, so they can hardly be regretted. I wish we had our children when we were younger, but my wife miscarried with our first and then I was seriously ill for several years which set our plans back, but there was nothing I could have done to change the situation. Life has been pretty good to me.

I had to choose between Ex and Uni at 18, and seriously regret it. We married at 20, and my parents did nothing to dissuade me at all. No-one seemed keen for me to study. It seems strange now, but my mother was planning to leave my father, and did so only weeks after the wedding. She told me that she wanted me settled and happy before she went, and me being married off, to her, was a better solution than me trying to study whilst worrying about her disappearance. She literally did disappear for well over a year.

During which time I inherited my little sister, dumped on me one day by my father. That was a really tough time, and I regret forcing him to take her back a year later. It made her feel very unwanted by everyone. I managed to track my mother down eventually and we did what my father had done to me - dumped my sister on her, by now aged fourteen. By then my mother had had enough of 'I want to be alone', so almost normal life resumed, but now I quite regret having hidden my anger from her quite so well. She wanted me married off, but her actions didn't exactly help my new marriage to go well.

There seems to be a bit of a common thread here. Perhaps it's the generational thing again, as many of you seem to have the same regret as myself, namely getting married/ starting a family too young, often turning down a chance of further education or parents not willing to support us through uni. In the early sixties, although we were rebelling against everything our parents wanted us to do, there still remained that nagging doubt that we might be 'left on the shelf' if we weren't at least 'going steady' by the time we were 21.

The upside is that many of us eventually carved out a satisfiying life either by returning to adult education, finding our real soul mate or,as in my case , by turning a life-long hobby into a (late) second career. Oh, and the bloke I met in a crowded bar in 1964 turned out Ok. We're still together despite my mother's prophecies of doom! I suppose if I'd gone to uni as originally planned I'd never have met him, so every cloud has a silver lining

I regret -

Only having one child
Not standing up for myself EVER
Being a wimp
Letting my childhood experiences hold me back

and much much more

Thanks for that annsixty I can honestly say that losing our caravan was one of the saddest things I can remember (which sounds so shallow) but it gave us somewhere to get away to. It was only an hours drive away but felt like another world. Once we arrived there I could feel the weight of the world lifting from my shoulders. Sadly we too lost a fortune on it as we were forced into selling quickly and quite literally had to take the first stupid offer. I am not sure about being "young enough to do it again" though. I am 52 but DH is 63. Short of winning the lottery, I very much doubt it. Life goes on though.

don't know how that p got in there

Oopoh, that's so nice Glass.

As Edith Piaf said, je ne regrette rien.

I regret that apparently I made my partner so unhappy that he had no choice but to run off with a younger woman.

I regret letting my Parent apathy get in the way and not pushing to go to University and settling down instead... but settling down with my DH has never been a regret but one the best decisions I have ever made.

I regret not going to university - my parents would have liked me to but no-one made any effort to point out any benefits of it, when I said I didn't see the point.
I also regret kind of letting life happen, a lot of the time, rather than being more pro-active.

I'm wondering about a house move atm, too, and can see benefits on both sides for me, so I don't think I'll have 100% certainty whatever I do.

You don't sound selfish tanith - just human! I would most certainly feel the same in your shoes.

Moving house is such a huge step nellie that I am not at all surprised that you are scared. I always think that it is the one decision where only 100% certainty will do - too much hanging on it.