Do we stay near our family or move somewhere we like?

WE have the opposite problem, do we stay where we are or move near our Daughter ?. We live 10 min from the Essex coast in a very quiet part of the country, we have lived here 47 years and have lots of roots here. Our Daughter lives near Leicester. As far from the coast as you can get, very busy and just not a county that grabs us. Much prefer the little villages of North Essex. But as we get older and getting nearer to being unable to drive, we are undecided what to do.

Hondagirl That is one of the classic grandparents dilemmas. I have no easy answer but I do not think I would like to leave the UK.
If my grand child was over somewhere as far away at that I might feel differently.
Right now DD and grandchild live 50 miles away the other side of the Peak District to me. I love the Peak District and the rest of our British scenery. I feel I would miss our lovely countryside and the lovely villages too much if I moved abroad.
I fully understand your feelings about the Peak District and Yorkshire Dales and such areas.

Someone else will be along soon to give their thoughts.

You can't please all of the people all of the time.

Hondagirl The view you have of the UK may be true but your visit next summer will let you know if it's the UK you want now.
You have got six or so months before you come and I am assuming that no decision is to be made until after then so, let the stress go if you can. The world is getting a much smaller place with Skype or Facebook or web cam so wherever you are in the world you can keep in visual contact with your daughter and grandchildren.
Pompa your heart seems to be on the Essex coast, your daughter probably lives a very busy life and may have limited free time and although I don't know her circumstances may move again? You would need to find new roots and support network if you move.
Your life and friends and roots are in Essex and your support network also I guess. Your daughter drives, I assume, and she could come to visit you or perhaps there is a reasonable train service to Leicester from your part of Essex.

You have to put yourselves first. You moved over and it's very nice but as you say you're not living your own lives.

Come back to the UK and see how you feel. You may be seeing it through the rose tinted spectacles of nostalgia. Remember how cold and damp the UK is even in summer

Queensland sounds nice. Have you considered moving to the next state rather that across the other side of the country? My sister lives in Adelaide, South Australia and loves it.

hondagirl we have made two major moves of home and location since 2003, to be near family and have no regrets about either move. It has worked for us BUT you do need to maintain your own life - outside interests, new friends etc. It is not good for you or your family to build your life solely around them. I appreciate that both our moves were in the UK and did not involve a huge change, such as you are considering.

I also wonder whether homesickness for the UK would be replaced by homesickness for her family if you came back here? Watching "Escape to the Country" does need a bit of a reality check too - they do edit the films to make places look extra enticing!

It is a tricky one and I hope you can reach a decision which makes you happy. What do your daughter and son think?

Hello Hondagirl.
We were possibly faced with the same situation as you find yourselves in. Our DS and DIL returned back to UK from OZ, to start a family. But they have not ruled out going back, especially as DS is still working for the same global company.
After visiting, which we did enjoy, we decided that we would not go and live there, if they permanently returned.
Some of our reasons were similar to your doubts. There are always visits and Skype.
Not very helpful I know. Hope it all works out. X

Hello Hondagirl

I can't help you with your dilemma, only to sympathise and empathise.

We have one DC here in the UK and two in Australia - even so they are not that near to each other.
Getting older, pensions not increasing if you emigrate to certain countries, failing health with no NHS, etc all have to be taken into consideration too.

Yes, it does rain here a lot, but then Australia is not wall-to-wall sunshine, and when it is, it can be too hot. I don't think I could live in NQ in the humid, hot summers.

I would just add that I have known one or two people who have moved a long way to live near DC and DGC only for the DC and family to move miles away to another area with work, leaving GP stuck somewhere they do not really want to be!

More thoughts:

Have you applied for Australian citizenship yet? It could be a good idea to try to obtain that before making a final decision. You could then have the option of going back to Australia if you decide that the UK doesn't really suit you after all.
Flights from Australia to the UK tend to be much more expensive than when booking from the UK end out to Australia - if you were thinking of making the journey every year it is quite a consideration too.

I live in Australia and it is very common for people from the UK to experience homesickness, move back to the UK and then return permanently to Australia. When I lived in the UK I missed things in Australia and then missed things in the UK when I have moved back. I think you will always have that feeling though there is nothing you will miss more than your grandchildren.

Going back to the UK for two months in summer really won't give you a proper indication of how you would feel if you move permanently back to the UK. Could you instead rent a place (possibly furnished) to live for a year or two and then decide.

Not all Austrlian houses are characterless, it really depends where you live and what you live in.

I'm not sure what houses in WA are like but there are some wonderful Queenslanders - in Queensland!
I quite like the fact that there are a lot of bungalows too, which is a consideration as you get older.

Wow so many replies and so quickly! Thank you all.

We had thought of applying for Australian citizenship which would give us the option of returning here if we did go back to the UK. It can take up to 6 months though, so we decided we didn't want to wait that long before going on holiday and it's difficult to plan as you never know when you will be given a ceremony date.

We also thought of returning for a year as suggested. However we would then need to wait even longer for citizenship as you are only allowed to be out of the country for max 90 days the year previous to applying. I think it would also delay the start of our being able to settle and make a life for ourselves. I think at our age we need some stability sooner rather than later. It's more the fact of still living in limbo I think and that we cannot continue like this. My head says one thing, my heart says another!

Hello Hondagirl what a dilemma for you but I think you have the best plan whereby coming back to the UK for two months next year will, I think, give you your answer.

We moved home after,living abroad for 10 years as the feeling of permanency and being settled could only be realised at home.

Also should you decide to return to the UK, Amsterdam, which is a great city, would mean you could see your son more often.

Knowing you have a plan, I hope you can relax a bit until next summer when you will hopefully find it easy to make your decision.

This is just so hard hondagirl- and my heart goes out to you. We moved to my native Switzerland (OH is British- and I lived in UK all my adult life, 40 years) 5 years ago when we both retired. We love it here, and our grandchildren are just a quick hop on EasyJet or TGV/Eurostar or 1 day in car- and yet at times, I yearn to be able to see GC weekly, rather than about 5 times a year. The thought of them being on the other side of the world would be just so difficult. So sincerely hope you find a way of making it work for you all- tell us how you get on.

Pompa - I too am (was) an Essex girl, having been brought up mainly in Hadleigh. I went to school in Rayleigh; and spent lots of time in Southend and Canvey Island. I miss the sea now, as I have lived all my adult life (after uni in Brum) in the wilds of the Welsh borders - very beautiful though and I would not swap it.

I do not know how to help the OP with her decision; but would just say that with an OH with PD and some mobility problems of my own, living near our children is a great blessing for us; so maybe you should factor in that health and independence may not always be yours and having family around is, without making oneself a burden, something to be treasured. Your ability to jet around the world to visit those you love may be impaired as time goes by. And GC are a great joy!

I always think the best thing in these circumstances is some sort of compromise, where visits to UK can satisfy the homesickness without burning ones bridges completely - but this does cost money of course!

My kids [several] are moving all over the place, workwise. Their choice. And they move for a couple of years to work abroad for the same company for example.
We dont have any gc yet. And are staying put for the time being.
But I have run it by my husband about eventually having a camper van, so that we have a much more mobile existence.
Is that something that you may consider.
Even a moving home in Australia. And one over here.

That's a good idea, soontobe - join the band of 'Grey Nomads'

www.greynomadsaustralia.com.au/

I never knew such a thing existed. Thank you for the link. Havent anyone in Australia currently personally. But worth knowing for the future.
It may help hondagirl. I would have thought it might help the living in limbo bit for them.

There are lots of them on the road. We haven't ventured off very far ourselves but it would be a good way of seeing more of the country and finding out where you might like to settle (if over there). We have met up with some Grey Nomads when we have been camping with DD and family.

I have a GS only 12 miles away here in Germany. Now he's a teenager , we hardly see anything of him and when he goes to Uni or abroad himself that's it!
I love where I live in South Germany even though I come from South Yorkshire and know Derbyshire and Yorkshire. If the family went to Australia I definitely would not follow them. I would miss the culture, the architecture and the continental way of life. I am not an outdoor person.

I feel that deep down you want to stay in the UK and just think, your grandchildren will grow up and may love to come to the UK and visit you.

A rock and a hard place! What a dilemma. I don't know your financial situation or prices of homes in Australia. Would it be possible for you to afford two small homes and spend summer in UK and Christmas in Oz?
That way your son could visit you regularly. Agree that getting used to Skype is the way to go too if you are not already doing so.

Like here, it depends where you want to live.

The OP mentions Queensland (a vast state), but I know that some Brisbane prices are sky-high. Sydney is very expensive too.

Not so long ago Australian house prices were cheap compared to the UK but they have shot up in the last few years.

Yes, we have thought about this, but for us I think it's also about having a decent social life with a good circle of friends as well and being able to do the things that we couldn't do when we were working. Currently our life just revolves around our family although hubby has started playing bridge,

We even thought about doing 6 months in Oz and 6 months in the UK, but I don't think we would be able to build up a social life apart from the fact that it would be very expensive as you would need accommodation and car in both places, not to mention the cost of flights.

Sorry, not used to using this forum. The above message was in response to soontobe's suggestion of becoming grey nomads.