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Birth partner to daughter

(30 Posts)
apricot Wed 04-Mar-15 19:53:28

I heard Esther Rantzen say she was going to be this. Personally I'm appalled at the idea of anyone's mother being there during the most painful and undignified hours of her life.
I didn't even have my husband present at any of my births. My mother wouldn't have been much use as apparently her own babies came from the stork, sex and birth were never ever mentioned.
My daughters all had their partners there, as has been the norm for many years and I don't know any of their generation who choose to have her mum present.
What do grannies think of their daughters or granddaughters having their mums in at the birth?

baubles Wed 04-Mar-15 19:58:02

I see absolutely no reason why not if it's what they both want. I would have been my daughter's birth partner if for any reason her DH hadn't been able to be there.

baubles Wed 04-Mar-15 19:58:51

Oh and giving birth wasn't the most painful time in my life.

tanith Wed 04-Mar-15 20:00:41

I was with both my daughters when they had their first child it was an experience I wouldn't of missed for the World.
Why are you appalled at the thought may I ask?

My oldest granddaughter is expecting my first GGC in July and is only too keen to have her Mum and her partner with her.. what on earth is wrong with that?

Pittcity Wed 04-Mar-15 20:02:47

I think it should be the decision of the person giving birth.

Leticia Wed 04-Mar-15 20:03:30

OK if they want it. I saw it as a private thing for me and my husband- much as I love my mother I most definitely wouldn't have wanted her there.

Leticia Wed 04-Mar-15 20:04:09

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way.

ninathenana Wed 04-Mar-15 20:04:29

My friends mother was present at the home birth of one of her DGC 34 yrs ago, in fact she caught the baby as he shot out so quick he almost landed on the floor ! If DD's then hubby had been on deployment overseas at the time I would have been with her for the birth of my first DGS.
I don't see the problem if that's what the pregnant lady wants.

apricot Wed 04-Mar-15 20:09:26

I didn't say it was wrong, only that I wouldn't have wanted it.

thatbags Wed 04-Mar-15 20:10:03

Nothing to be appalled about as far as I can see.

Leticia Wed 04-Mar-15 20:10:59

I wouldn't either but we are all so different.

loopylou Wed 04-Mar-15 20:12:59

Each to their own choice- I didn't have DH there, he didn't want to be there and that was fine by me. I have friends who were their DDs birth partners and they loved being asked

Lindylooby Wed 04-Mar-15 20:14:03

I have been birthing partner for one of my daughter's and one of my daufhter-in-laws. Was really honoured to be asked and would love to do it again
completely up to individuals, my other daughter definitely would NOT want me with her.

merlotgran Wed 04-Mar-15 20:15:58

I was on stand-by to be with DD2 with her first baby because SIL was on his way back from a Navy deployment as she was taken in early to be induced due to pre-eclampsia.

I was quite disappointed when he arrived in the nick of time but of course it was better for her.

absent Wed 04-Mar-15 20:23:21

Absentdaughter asked me to be present at the birth of her first child and I duly flew from London to New Zealand to oblige. Her husband was also present at the birth. I was the only one who stayed awake throughout the whole magical process and the second person to cuddle the new baby. It was planned that I would be there for number two but she was very premature so there was no time. I would happily have been present when her now approaching three-year-old son was born, as I was once again in New Zealand, but I was occupied looking after the other children. I assume that will also be the situation when number six comes along next month. At least I no longer have to fly thousands of miles to be helpful granny.

I would have been quite pleased to have given birth without the presence of my then husband. It was a somewhat troublesome birth and when absentdaughter finally arrived, the obstetrician held her out towards him, saying, "It's a…", waiting for him to inform me of the sex of our child. To which my husband inspirationally replied, "Baby".

annsixty Wed 04-Mar-15 20:29:51

I didn't want anyone who wasn't a professional at the birth of my first in hospital. My DH came at visiting next day as was the norm then. I had my second at home 5 years later and it was so fast he had to help the midwife to get my clothes off so was there by default. My DD was living temporarily with us when she was pregnant and her husband was still overseas, how ever GS was 10 days late so he was home before the birth which was a relief to me. I feel it is such a personal thing and a personal choice as to who is present.

annodomini Wed 04-Mar-15 20:50:51

The last person I would have wanted in the delivery room was my mother! ExH was there the first time, until they decided to use forceps when they turfed him out. By that time I was beyond caring! Second time round, he had gone off to tell his work colleagues he'd be missing, dropped in to see if anything was happening with my labour, midwives told him not imminent so he went off again and 15 minutes later missed the whole thing!

Mishap Wed 04-Mar-15 21:46:51

I was there during the labour for my first GC - just as well really as it finished up as an emergency C section and the registrar frightened her to death by listing the possible complications in a most unpleasant way. I was able to reassure her and her OH that she was far more likely to be run over by a bus on the way home than suffer any of these.

I as there for the birth of my second GC and it was a wonderful experience - my mother died two days later so it is a memory with mixed emotions.

I was nearly there for the third, but he shot out just as I was parking the car!

The other three babes were born without me there at the choice of their parents - they wanted to do it together - fine by me.

HildaW Wed 04-Mar-15 22:01:03

apricot....sorry you feel this way. When I had my daughter (2 weeks late and very roughly 'induced'....I still maintain that doctor wore knuckle husband had walked had out on me only a month earlier and I was in a dreadful state.
I was taken down to the delivery suit not knowing what to expect and ridged with fear. Some wonderful member of staff (I never knew who) had taken it upon herself to contact my Mum who had managed to get to my side a few hours into a very nasty drug laden labour that went on all day. Throughout the ordeal the only voice I heard was hers calmly repeating the instructions that I was, through fear, not hearing from the staff. She remained by side through it all and was there to receive her first grandchild in her arms. Later as I slowly began to recover and 'come to' and realise I was starving she produced from nowhere a packet of Cadbury's chocolate minirolls that I fell upon and remember with relish to this day.
I will always bless her for that day - it was the turning point of my adult life. She gave me the strength to come out fighting for mine and my daughters future. I divorced the so-and so and stood on my own two feet looking forward to a much better future.

Second time around and with a sweet, bemused but very supportive second husband I was a mere four hours in labour.....and he treasures every moment of his daughter's birth. Each to their own I say, but I think love has got a lot to do with it and if you can bring your child into the world surrounded by a feeling of love....then so much the better.

absent Wed 04-Mar-15 22:13:28

apricot I appreciate that you wouldn't have wanted your mother present at the birth of your daughters and nor did you want to be present at the births of their babies. However, I don't understand why you should be so shocked and horrified that other families do choose to share this event.

ginny Wed 04-Mar-15 22:21:11

I don't see any problem if it is what both parties want. Certainly don't see why you should be appalled.

rubylady Wed 04-Mar-15 22:34:56

I would have done it for my D, had the circumstances been different. As it was she had her boyfriend and I was happily at the end of a telephone, both times.

I wouldn't have wanted my mum with me though, I had my OH with both and even though he wasn't much use really, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else. He did complain, however, when my DS was born that I was squashing his feet as I was on the floor (on a covered mattress) leaning back onto him and he was on his haunches behind me. Aw, poor lad got squashed feet, I'd have done it more if I'd have known he was going to leave me being a single parent four years later! grin

rosequartz Wed 04-Mar-15 22:46:40

It was always mother and other women in the past and still is in many cultures. It is only relatively recently that fathers have been allowed at a birth.
Thank goodness they are as DH was the only other person present when DC3 was born!

Penstemmon Wed 04-Mar-15 22:48:06

It was a real family affair when DGD1 was born. I was DD2s birth partner as her OH is very panicky and she worried he would be more hindrance than calming help! I was there, her OH, her Dad ( DH!) her sister and her sister's partner! Obviously we were not all in the room at once, mostly it was an all girl time, but all popped in and out of the hospital during her 12 hour labour and all waited into the early hours for the arrival. I was with her when DGD was born and 30 seconds later emotional dad was right there too for his first cuddle of his daughter! When DD2 had her second baby I was in hospital so her OH did do the business & was fine!

DD1 had both her babies at home in a birthing pool with just her OH and a midwife there for the actual delivery.

We are all different and we should feel comfortable to make personal choices about this emotional experience.

posie Wed 04-Mar-15 23:13:55

I was with my DD for the birth of both DGS's alongside her DH. I was delighted that she wanted me present!

I definitely wouldn't have wanted my own Mother present but we didn't have the close relationship that that I'm lucky enough to have with my DD.