Photos on headstones.

Derived from Roman Catholic/continental shrines?

I have not said anything about toys on children's graves. Quite another matter.

How judgemental we can be about other people's choices. Customs and practices in the UK are changing, possibly as a reflection of the fact many of us are more widely travelled and less bound by Church convention than in previous generations.

Our local Church graveyard has a number of graves for infants or children. They're festooned with all kinds of toys, windmills etc and so well cared for. What's to criticise about that or about someone including an image of their loved one on the head stone. We chose a traditional head stone for my parents, added mums name when she joined dad but if one of my children had died I suspect I'd have been in the windmill/soft toy club

I respect others point of view regarding photos around the house but I like having them. I have both my sets of GPs, DH's GPs and mine and DH's DPs.

Not tacky at all,picture on my Mum and Dads headstone is encased in a lovely cameo type frame and completely weatherproof.

I do remember seeing these in Spain and I think it's really nice. I honestly can't see the problem.

A touching post grandmac

Did want a picture on beloved husband's headstone but can't remember why we didn't go ahead with it. But I go regularly to cemetery and tend his grave along with those of our infant son and my parents. All of them have properly tuned wind chimes and candles in lanterns, and my son has 2 little statues showing a baby and and an angel. In years gone past before little lanterns became available we would put a candle in a jam jar, if we could keep it alight long enough in a very windy coastal cemetery! And also at Christmas they all have little trees complete with battery run tiny lights and baubles. All really tacky I know but it comforts me to see them there. It personalises a very impersonal space. (I have never resorted to plastic flowers though!)

It is common practice here in Malta also. Judging by the age of some of the photographs, it has been the custom here for many years. Personally, I can't see anything wrong with it.

That's right aggie. Many have been there for years, and seem untouched by weather, including months of snow.

the pictures don't get tatty that I have seen , they seem to be encased in acrylic or something like that and incorporated in the headstone

I have photos of my wonderful parents dotted around the house- and it is a joy to see them. As said, very personal.

Katek, I have no framed photographs of my parents in my house, my siblings do, it is a very personal thing

Photos in the house don't fade and get weather beaten. For one thing.

I'm a bit confused Annie. I completely respect whatever people choose to do in these circumstances. It's such a very personal thing that it must be entirely up to any individual or family how they deal with grief. I'm just saying that I personally am not good with photos. My parents died in 1998 and 2000 and I've never displayed a photo since. Too painful for me.

Photos on headstones seems like a harmless practice. When you are grieving no one cares about tackiness. Grieving a loved one is a very painful process both psychologically and physiologically It is unavoidable and a normal part of life. Photos have a purpose whether they are in an album, on a wall or on a headstone. They bring alive a moment in our lives, they make us smile.

I like looking around graveyards/ cemeteries from the historical point of view.

If photos had been around, the past would have yielded so much information.

The historians of the future will enjoy looking at the memori.

I personally might not want imy photo on my gravestone, but I cannot see what harm it does.

x

Won't reply to your post at 16.30.44 jingl- as it is plain daft and would make me a bit of a prat .... (dig deep, dig deep...)... really.

But Katek, photographs around the house do the very same. Your daughter has photographs around the house, I have never had one photograph of my late husband in my house , I even put our wedding photographs away, our daughters were five and seven when he died. Now they have their own homes they have photographs of their father , in fact they both have our wedding photograph framed. It's such a personal thing and surely should be respected

You've just reminded me of that tiny, embalmed child in the Palermo catacombs, Bellanonna. Her grief stricken parents just couldn't let her go. I wonder if that is what disturbs me about photos?? It's as if we're holding onto something that no longer exists. The memories are there of course, but inside the head and heart we don't need a photo.

That's so sad KatyK x

Anya...just to clear up a point, SIL died very suddenly and unexpectedly 2 years ago leaving DD1 and DGD who was 6 at the time. To keep his memory alive the house has lots of pics of him for DGD which is as it should be. I just find it difficult with the whole photo thing.

The photos are used in northern Italy and I will be visiting a church cemetery there later this week. It's in a mountain village where everyone knows everyone else. I have never thought the use of photos to be strange. It just seems an alien concept to us I suppose as the custom is not used here.

That sounds rather nice.

It is definitely a continental custom, and I like it. My grandfather is buried in Orkney and I never knew him but when I visited his grave I saw a Norwegian soldier's grave with a photo and that gave me the idea so I placed one there. I don't know how long it will last with the weather but I think it's a much better idea to have them as part of the gravestone, as in Europe. Looks better and is permanent. Those who find such things tatty - or ghostly, or whatever - would be horrified by Austrian cemeteries: they put little Christmas trees on graves! Quite pretty in the snow, actually....especially at night. Perhaps this is also done in Germany? I don't know.