Paying for a wedding

We paid for our own wedding, my family were in no position to help, we didn't expect anything. When my children married, I wanted to contribute, I said how much I could give them, either towards the wedding they wanted or towards the honeymoon or house they wanted, let them choose. I got a lot if pleasure helping them both, we missed out on a few things but it was worth it.

There are some somewhere, Falcon, but I've no idea where. 1966 for us, so I expect we'll have to go through the whole bl***y rigmarole again next year! I'm already digging a tunnel!

Thank you for your good wishes, MaggieMaybe.

This evening I've been sticking hessian and tartan ribbon onto numberless IKEA kilner jars, to use as containers for the table decorations. I've almost been strangled by double-sided sticky tape! The flowers are being done by dd's friend who is a florist so at least that's a saving.

Wrt big weddings, dd is one of four children as is her fiancé, plus he has 16 aunts and uncles and 38 cousins! so it's not always easy to have a small wedding. Unless you do what my friend's daughter did, and not ask your parents.

I would love to see a photo if you have any. I was married in 1968.

No, I'm afraid I didn't! I set my face against a hat, much to the disgust of one of the older ladies I was working with at the time who had been brought up to regard hats as essential for any formal situation! I still don't do hats (unless I'm fishing) - even for DS's very formal wedding I refused to wear one. Surprised they let me into the photos really!

GREYDUSTER - It sounds lovely. Did you wear a hat?

When we got married , in 1976, we were buying a house and short o f cash. My parents said we could have the money or a posh wedding. We chose the low key do. A wonderful, glorious day we have always remembered as special.

We got married in a registry office ( husband divorced ) and my Mum and aunties put on a,spread. The weather was glorious that Spring so we were all in the garden. Fabulous day. We left about 5.00 seen off by everyone.

How things have changed!

A sort of very pale cream! Bought it in a sale at Selfridges!

Hi Greyduster - did you have a white suit?????

I had the wedding you wanted, Falconbird, for exactly the same reasons - I've always hated to be the centre of attention. I have often since had the sneaking feeling that DH would have liked us to have a 'proper' wedding.

I so wanted a low key wedding at the Registry Office. I was only 21 and wanted a white suit I had seen in County Casuals - white mini skirt and boxy jacket.

My mother who had recently been widowed went "mad." She wanted to show me off at the local church in a white dress etc.,

Because I was missing my dad (who had been in favour of the Registry Office) I gave into her and hired a dress. It was beautiful, similar to the one worn by Princess Kate at her wedding, The church was crowded with all my mum's old friends having a good natter about how I looked etc.,

Mum paid for everything with money dad had left. We hired a coach to take the guests to the wedding reception and it was all good fun.

BUT in my heart, I still yearn for the low key wedding at the Registry Office and me in my white suit.

I can't understand the trend for big weddings. My son had one with an evening do, a disco and a Beatles Lookalike Band. My late husband and I paid for the entertainment.

Incidentally, I won the "Bride of the Week" competition in the local paper. I was so embarrassed but mum was bursting with pride. So much for my low key wedding.

My children's weddings were all very different and all delightful. We paid what we could afford at the time and they were suitably grateful. All of the children contributed substantially to the costs.

Only one of my DSs had a wedding. It was a lovely day and I think the venue was cost price as DiL's father worked there. The couple paid for most of the rest themselves and I gave £1000 for the special honeymoon as I was working then and had some savings. They split up after less than 3 years! My other 2 DSs never married and also split up with their partners. Forgive me if I feel a little cynical about weddings!!!
My own wedding was Registry Office followed by a casserole(prepared by me) for both sets of parents at our flat. My dress was 'Young Maternity' at C&A with a wedding ring that cost £8. That marriage lasted less than 8 years and should have ended at least 3 years before that!

We were happy to pay for our DD's wedding and were pleasantly surprised when they insisted on paying half. It was six years ago and wasn't lavish, her dress cost £150 in a sale and the alterations were £200 to make it fit. We had 18 months to save as they planned well ahead and it was one of the best days of our lives, we loved every minute of it.

When DD married she was living with her DH and they paid most of the cost. Her dad (ex-DH) is well off but only offered her £1000. At the time my finances were stretched but I wanted to contribute. I paid for the church,flowers, DD's tiara and towards a coach to transport the guests to reception. I bought a plain 3 tier cake from M&S when it was on offer ( cost about £50) and they agreed to let me pay and then collect 4 months later! The florist made fresh flower decorations for the cake and we hired a stand. DD made all her own table decorations and favours. I was always a bit miffed that ex-DH said he would give the same amount to his step-daughter but then spent thousands going to her wedding in a very exotic location! ( divorced within 5 years!)

My son got married this year. They organised and paid for it themselves and we just gave them a sum of money that we were comfortable with.

My parents paid £30 for the three tier pentagonal cake that a friend made and another £30 for the rest of the food that the same friend organised. Another friend said we could have a reception at his house. We did. My parents also brought fizzy wine for everybody.
I paid for the fabric for my dress (not white) and made it myself. I crocheted a rather splendid cotton filet shawl. No veil (no chance!).
My inlaws took all the family members plus three of my old school friends to the theatre for the evening.

My second wedding cost the register office fee, punting for six people (including my two elder daughters) on the Cherwell, and a meal out for the same six plus my landlord in the evening.

Two absolutely splendid days. I just don't do, nor require in order to make a day special, showiness and ridiculous expense.

Don't count on it Loopylou, one of my daughter's said she couldn't stand the the thought of being the centre of attention and after being bridesmaid for her sister seemed even more determined. A few years later after spending months knee deep in bride's magazines and hours on the internet she had a fancier and more expensive wedding than her siblings....her sister's nicknamed her "bridezilla"!!!

When DS got married the first time, they wanted a very small wedding and paid for it themselves, although we offered to contribute. In the end they accepted us paying for the flowers and giving them a party in the evening. We also bought them a washing machine and a tumble dryer when they moved into their new house. When he got married the second time (my first DiL died) it was a very much more lavish affair, which they also paid for themselves, but as a wedding present we paid for the photographer, which was just under eight hundred pounds. My daughter and her partner show no signs of wanting to get married. "We might get round to it one day" is their usual response when people ask (not me - I know better!). But they have only been together twenty four years! Plenty of time yet!

My DD & SiL chose a spectacular London venue but were savvy about the cost of everything. e.g paying corkage on champagne & buying 50% off bottles from M&S was stil half the price of the venue's cast. I paid for the brides dress, £1000, (my OH keeps banging on about cost per wear!), and gave them £5000. The cost of table decorations was atronomical but I bought, via a floristry website, fishbowl vases for £4 each & bought wholesale flowers the day before. So yes the wedding was expensive but blank chequers were not written. But most importantly it was what they wanted & chose to do.

When my DD got married last year I gave her what was about the average amount for weddings.I told her spend more and find it,spend less and keep it.Garaunteed to concentrate the mind.i think she came in on the spend less side!As they were in their mid thirties they organised it themselves lots of friends so only close family invited.

My eyes are watering at some of these figures

My parents paid for my sisters' and my (38 years ago) weddings. My in laws didn't even offer and MIL said she wasn't inviting any of their side of the family (I should have seen that as a clear warning of what was to come!), so we asked who we wanted from DH's side, whereas my parents pretty much dictated who else was invited.

When DS married in Venice DDIL's parents insisted on paying and even organised our luxurious accommodation in a nearby city. Incredibly generous of them and we paid for a gorgeous meal to thank them on the eve of the wedding.

We gave them money towards their new home.

DD says (if and when, not even on the horizon!) she'll just go off and do it. Sh can't stand being the centre of attention and the thought of a big wedding turns her cold.

When my DH was made redundant, nearly twenty year ago, I used some of his redundancy money to buy our two daughters a national savings certificate each valued £1,000. That was to keep for their weddings. Value has more than doubled, but daughter 1 doesn't intend to marry and has cashed hers in, daughter two not getting married yet so it can carry on increasing for a few more years. It won't stretch to a fancy wedding but she's happy with that.

Our DD3 married in April this year. Both sets of parents gave a sum of money ( no idea what his parents contributed ) and the rest they paid themselves. It was a beautiful and informal wedding and a number of friends and relatives contributed by making things for the wedding rather than giving a gift. I made the invites, table decors, table plan and other things. A friend made the little bridesmaids dresses and a cousin made the cake. Her sisters bought her accessories and paid for her hair and make up to be done. No special cars were needed as we all got ready at the venue which was included in the reasonable price as was the room for their first married night. All arranged in less than 6 months.

Weddings don't have to cost the earth. My mum gave us £2000 for our wedding in 1985 and my FiL paid for the wine and champagne for the reception. I made my own dress and arranged my own flowers, while my mum made the cake and a friend decorated it. I only had one bridesmaid so was able to get her a dress in the sales. We had a reception for 100 guests at a local restaurant and I managed to have money left over which I gave back to my mum. My husband paid for the honeymoon. We were going to get relatives to drive us but when there was enough money we hired a car to take me to the church and both of us to the reception. The only thing I regret spending was the money for a photographer as some of the pictures were no better than the ones taken by guests!