Paying for a wedding

Not an easy one this. I am sorry to say that the expectations of brides... and at times, grooms too- have become totally out of hand recently, and the cost astronomical. Does anyone have up-to-date figures on the average price of a wedding these days!?

I think it depends on your finances and the finances of the other parents.
The bride's Father may well want to host the whole thing. If not ( although I do know several who did just that) then don't worry about the amount others will give, decide on what's a sensible amount for YOU.Take into account the age and finances of your son and girlfriend, they may earn lots between them . Don't feel co-erced into giving more than you are comfortable with.A wedding can cost as little or as much as you want it to.just to say, a friend of ours offered their son to pay for the flowers for the church and reception, and the photography involved. Big mistake! They went for the most expensive florist and photographer in the area and the whole thing upset our friend, both the amount of money and the fact that they did this.So, offer an amount of cash!Good luck.

IF you want to contribute, work out a sum of money that you are happy to give and then just let them know how much is available.
Gone are the days when there were hard and fast rules and the parents paid up. Even when I married first time around nearly 40 years ago I quite expected to pay for most of it and was just very grateful well parents offered up an amount of money.

Young people today all live such varying lives....some live together for years, some have quickie weddings whilst some still seem to expect that dreaded 'Perfect Day'. Help out if you want to but let it be an amount that you are happy to give and then let them work within a budget they can afford.
I've just been perusing the wedding photos of a good friend's daughter. Small village church followed by Village hall decorated with hedgerow flowers and home-made bunting. DIY cold buffet that featured supermarket bought salmon poached and served whole with salads. Wedding cake decorated with DIY flowers and the loan of a lovely old classic car for the bride. It was the sweetest looking wedding I've seen for a long time and they were on the tightest of budgets.

We have given them each the same (or equivalent) amount of money and then let them decide how much more they wanted to add. Some of them had more lavish 'dos' than others but it was up to them how they spent it. I think we bought the cake for all of our DDs but the MoTB was in charge at DS2's wedding so we let her choose (and pay for) that as well! DS1 got married in Japan and the bride's father would have been offended had we offered so they used our contribution for a good honeymoon.

Forty yrs ago my in-laws bought us a dining table and chairs, that was it ! We paid for 98% of DD's wedding as her and H2B had no money. His parents contributed nothing.
I would offer what ever cash I could afford. I agree with roses don't offer to pay for specific items.

When DD1 got married they wanted a big castle do, but were totally prepared to pay for it themselves, and were in a position to do so. We wanted to contribute and so did SIL's parents, so we agreed that we would each pay a third, which was manageable. When DD2 married, she wanted a much more low key affair, but we gave her the same amount with a little allowance for inflation (it existed then!). I'm sure the in-laws contributed too, but it wasn't discussed. When DS hit 30 with no immediate plans to marry, we gave him and his partner their "wedding fund" to do with as they wanted. I think it's destined for work on their house, which is fine by us.

My advice would be to set a figure that you're comfortable with, and that you can afford to give to the other DC further down the line. I've read that the average wedding these days cost about £24,000, but to my mind no couple should consider spending more than they can afford themselves. Contributions from parents shouldn't be expected as a given. The wedding that HildaW describes sounds delightful.

When we got married in 1977, ninathenana, my in-laws bought the church flowers, sharing the cost with the parents of a bride who got married the day before us, and my parents paid for the reception (40 people at £2.50 a head - I came across the receipt the other day!). We paid for the rest. I hired my dress and veil to save money, the vicar refused to let us have the church bells as it would have been "a waste of money", and we had just enough left to pay for a coach trip to a Llandudno B & B for our honeymoon. Happy days - I need a misty-eye emoticon!

When DS got married, DiL's parents, especially her mum, were bending over backwards to pay for everything - she's their only daughter - and kept thinking of little extras! I wasn't allowed to put my hand in my pocket and as far as I know, my ex didn't offer. As for the happy couple, they were back at work after the weekend! I think their trip to Thailand the previous year was a honeymoon before the event!

I can't abide these expensive weddings, such a waste of money and so many seem to end in divorce anyway. Two weeks ago DH and I went to a very low cost affair - something like the one described earlier on this thread. The church was decorated with flowers and cuttings from the garden, the bride's siblings provided the music and the transport, the reception was at a campsite and guest were asked to 'donate a dish' (I've since heard that 'donate a dish' is very popular these days). It was a delightful wedding, fortunately with excellent weather. I'm not too sure about the donating a dish part (seems a bit cheeky) but it obviously kept the cost down. When my DD was married, she and the groom wanted to organise it, so we gave her the sum we were prepared to contribute and they added to it themselves. They were both in professional jobs and earning good salaries.

In other words, each wedding is completely different. prefer the low cost ones really, it's just meant to be a happy day for all, not for the bride to act like a princess.

Probably most of us agree on this. However, what do parents do, when their 'children' ask for help for a wedding- but then go all 'fashion magazine over the top keeping up with the stars'???

Well said, roses. 'A happy day for all' is what it should be. The trouble is when the bride is not happy unless she has spent a fortune on the day. granjura - that's a good question. Some couples seem to spend large sums of money on a wedding that could be better put towards the deposit on a flat or a house - but, there, I'm probably not the romantic type!

We gave DS and DDiL a fixed amount and her parents gave the same. The rest was paid by DS and DDiL and they organised and chose everything for their very laid back and idiosyncratic wedding. It was a lovely happy day and very "them".

DD has been with her partner even longer but they have not married and are unlikely to do so. We gave them a lump sum to get them on the housing ladder instead of a wedding. That was their choice.They are a much more reserved and pragmatic pair and are very happy and well suited.

DH and I had our Golden Wedding in July but we have both said that if we were young today we would not bother with a wedding. I didn't enjoy my wedding day at all and couldn't wait to get away from all the fuss to be alone together! I hated being the centre of attention!

In 2007 ds wedding we paid for cars, flowers and cake. We knew the cost beforehand. It was quite modest and a cheque to the bride's parents for £1,000 more than covered it. They paid for the reception for 50 guests. The couple went away for the weekend and then back to work.
£2000 gift to the couple.
Mind you, it cost £6000 for 6 of us to travel to the wedding.

In 2005 other ds and bride had a double wedding with bride's sister. All the trimmings and vintage cars etc. We paid £1,500 for the flowers on that occasion.....

DH (second marriage) and I married in 2005. My outfit, party with dinner for 50, and a weekend away cost less than £1,000.

My first wedding in 1973 cost £1.25 per head at reception and £60 each for week in Venice.

When our daughters were married, we paid for the reception, evening buffet, disco and DJ, and the bridal car. The lads parents paid for the cake and flowers, and the church costs, and the couples paid for their own clothes, and bridesmaids or their families paid for their dresses.
When our sons married, we paid for the bridal car and flowers, and the church. On top of all that, there was also a wedding present to buy of course.

Forgot to add, the 2 girls and eldest son`s marriages ended in divorce, they`ve all remarried, but paid for he weddings themselves second time around, we just bought the wedding present.

As others have said, I think it depends on how much you can afford and how much you would like to contribute. I actually think if someone wants to get married it is their responsibility to pay for it. I'm sure most parents would like to assist if they are able but there should not be an expectation that they will do so and any lavish expenses should be borne by the couple in question.

Personally, I think this whole wedding thing has got completely out of hand. It certainly doesn't seem to ensure a long and happy marriage since the divorce rate is, I believe, almost 50%.

41 years ago we got married for a little over a £100. We were buying our first house and both of our mothers were widows with very limited means. I got an Ossie Clark for Radley dress, which I then wore for about 5 years as my party dress, a John Donald ring and I made my soon to be husband a liberty print shirt. We invited our 2 mothers and had 2 gate crashers and we had lunch at a local restaurant. OH had suggested we marry then as my mother was visiting us and it would be good if she was there, he then arranged everything in the 3 weeks we had. The last thing he did arrange on his own. Weddings are a lovely time to get together but as lots of us have said, some have got totally out of hand. I arranged a party for ds who had married abroad, 6 years ago and it was in a lovely place with gorgeous food, etc. We paid for everything and it came in at under £8000, that's with a drinks bill of £2000. I think when you use the word wedding rather than party the bill can double.

Like KittyLester we gave a certain sum to each of our 3 DD's with the option of a wedding/deposit on a house/elopement/holiday/whatever! They all plumped for a wedding which were all completely different. In addition, I paid for the wedding dresses (all under £300) and in one case, flights to Oz and accommodation there. My Dad had recently died, so I felt happy spending some of his money like this. He would have been delighted. However, they all know that if things go pear shaped (hopefully not), they will all be on their own if they go round again. I bought a plain iced M&S cake and decorated it accordingly for 2 of the weddings along with a load of cupcakes. Really can't understand why people pay £££'s on a cake which most people leave on their plate! Flowers were given as a wedding present by a florist friend for 2 dd's. Classic car in one case belonged to Father of the bridegroom. So, savings can be made..... and a lovely time can be had by all.

My first wedding was organised by and payed for by my parents. I had little say in it. That marriage ended 19 years later. I have since remarried and my DH had never before been married, so we did the whole thing, white dress, (well champagne), service and reception in local hotel for about 120 guests. No official photographer, my only regret, the whole thing cost about £10,000 and I don't regret a penny. It was a lovely day and we both deserved it. My son gave me away and my daughter was my bridesmaid. Both my parents were present.

I'm just hoping DS2 and his GF get a move on and marry while DIY weddings are still popular. They go to loads of weddings and are always impressed by the ones which cost the least. She caught the bouquet at the last one, so we are hopeful!

I agree Eloethan, because in the past the bride went from her parental home
To a home with her new husband, and was probably much younger than today's brides, who are not only older, but most have better jobs now too and have often lived with their partners for years.Therefore are better placed to pay for wedding costs.

Well - in 1964 I married my first husband and the total cost was £100 - which had been left to me in an Aunt's Will. A registry office do, with small reception with immediate friends and family in my rented flat.

5 years ago my son was married at a very large and impressive venue, 150 guests, a 3 day celebration (we paid our own hotel bills) and I believe the total cost was very near to £50,000 (paid for by the bride's parents).
They now have two beautiful children, a lovely house - but are asset rich and cash poor. The wedding was brilliant, and memorable - but from where we are sitting now, I am sure they would be glad to have funds, rather than memories. Maybe I am wrong................

My DD said, very wisely, I think, that she wants a wonderful marriage rather than a wonderful wedding. She and her long term partner are probably going to tie the knot next summer, and I daresay it will be fairly low key, but very beautiful. I'm charged with making the cake - ooh - err!