Ageist 'compliments'

Suggest that you look at the lyrics of the song "My word, you do look ill!". I don't mind being called "Young Lady" . . . hope I am a lady, and it's nice to be called young, especially when I feel about 120!

I wouldn't really object to any of the 10 things listed to be honest, though yes, I'd rather be called Madam, or love, or pet, than young lady. And yes, *NanaandGrampy", being called Ma'am by a cowboy is just the best, especially if he tips his hat! Forgetting things at my age? Yes, I said that myself today at the optician's when she realised I'd been wearing my contact lenses in the wrong eyes for the past 6 months You don't look 60-whatever years old? I'd take that and thank them. Being described as adorable? Well, I am

The only time I can remember bristling was when I took something back to M & S as it was too big and the assistant said I could order a replacement online if I could get someone to show me how to do it..... She was a sweet young thing though, so I let it go (is that ageist and patronising? )

What I hate most is being told I look much younger than my age. I don't. It is just that the person saying it has a stereotype in their mind of what someone my age ought to look like and fails to realise the older people get the more different they look and there is no stereotype for any age.

Blimey. Doesnt bother me MOnica...

I'd absolutely love it, Monica!

I dislike it is because it reflects in the speaker the stereotype and prejudice that older people are fighting so hard to overcome and means that someone else my age is going to be treated less well because they are thought to look their age while I am expected to be pleased because I am going to be treated better than I otherwise could expect at my age because the speaker can opretend I am 10 years younger.

We cannot object to the obviously offensive attitudes to older people if we do not also object to the equally prejudiced remarks made to us in the guise of compliments.

It's people who don't know me (in shops or during phone calls) calling me "dear" that really irritates me. I don't mind quite so much from someone my own age but find it really patronising from younger ones.

The man in the convenience store yesterday said " how can I help you, young lady?". As I'm not a young lady I did feel insulted for a few seconds but I got over it. It's just something he says to everyone. Just females presumably.

The shopkeepers in convenience stores can be let off. It goes with the territory, and they are usually very kind.

In a day centre for old people that I volunteer at, some of the workers call any person they are dealing with 'darling'. It is not patronising; it's a way of showing they care. They do care. All the people who work there show great respect to all the people who use the day centre.

Using endearments to people are not ageist because the people who use them usually use them for everybody, regardless of age and condition.

I agree, which is why I find it odd that so many people object to being called 'dear', even when it's done in a perfectly friendly way (i.e. not obviously sarcastically or disparagingly).

Sheila Hancock once commented about becoming invisible as you get older. I can't imagine that this wonderful lady could ever be invisible. I find it quite restful a lot of the time to be invisible. After years of predatory males trying to hit on me it's a relief (probably because most of the males I meet nowadays are beyond it thank goodness and probably why I am with someone 15 years younger!).

I get on very well with my DCs delightful friends when it's one to one, but as soon as they are en masse invisibility creeps in and I'm the lady that makes the tea - or pours the wine - At one recent party I did have a meaningful ie. setting the world to rights, conversation with a husband but he was much older!

However the upside is that their friends talk to them about their super mum. So that makes it all alright!

Patronising younging down remarks from the world at large are irritating but just not worth getting exercised about.

Gosh lucky you. I didn't have 'years of predatory males trying to hit on me'

#wheredidIgowrong

On a certain occasion last week I would have liked to have heard a slightly patronising comment rather than the hard truth!

Picture this:

Co-op car park full of huge pot holes full of filthy rain water. Driving rain pelting down. Taxi belting along regardless of the pot holes. Me waiting for the taxi to pass by so that I could cross over to my parked car. Nearby, a couple of not that young chaps, 40s I'd say. Taxi sends up a tsunami so I had to step back pretty sharpish or get wet through with filthy water. Chaps started jeering at the taxi driver and one shouted "What the f* you doing mate. There's an old woman trying to get across!". Chivalry is not dead! I looked around and realised that I'm the old woman. I've been told that I don't look my age and dress in funky outdoor clothes, so now I know, I'm just an old woman! All delusions smashed.

You didn't Indinana - those boring men did and soon found out!

.... but you weren't invisible. I think all this invisibility business is nonsense. I haven't noticed anybody overlooking me or not taking any notice of me when they should - and I am very definitely old (I am in my 70s).