Gransnet forums


Present for first grandchild too?

(36 Posts)
vsitting Tue 16-Feb-16 12:10:50

Would you give a present to your first grandchild on the arrival of the second? I am inclined to as I would be giving a small gift for the newborn but not sure what to give a 3 yr old too. Any ideas?

grannyactivist Tue 16-Feb-16 12:16:16

Congratulations vsitting on your new grandchild. Yes I would (I did) give a little gift to the older grandchild. My three year old grandson is really into dressing up at the moment and there are lots of lovely, cheap costumes in the shops to choose from for girls and boys.

Alea Tue 16-Feb-16 12:21:00

Absolutely! Lego/Duplo/ dressing up outfit/puzzle whatever your DGC is into.
Babies don't need a lot of fuss, bother, attention or gifts, but we do it because we love welcoming a new baby. Imagine the feelings of the older DGC who suddenly feels left out!

vsitting Tue 16-Feb-16 12:24:43

Thanks! First time I've done this Chat and sort of surprised to have such prompt and nice replies. My 3yr old grand daughter is also into dressing up so I'm off to the shops!

Cosafina Wed 17-Feb-16 09:51:00

Isn't it a joy, coming here? Congrats on your second DGC! flowers

Lupatria Wed 17-Feb-16 09:53:54

i believe in treating my grandaughters all alike. when my daughter had her second i gave a present to both of them - the same when my son's wife had their second.

not only that i tend to give an "unbirthday" present to the one not having a birthday when giving the birthday girl her present [does that sentence make sense?].

that saves any jealousy over the birthday girl getting everything and the other one getting nothing.

fortunately i didn't get that as my son was born on my daughter's 3rd birthday so we had presents galore on that day and every year until they both left home.

Daffonanna Wed 17-Feb-16 10:00:30

As they're all into books and stories we usually give the older child a book that they can "read" to the younger sibling . We have a lovely photo of our 2 year old grandson showing his baby brother a simple book of animal pictures and making all the noises . Now they're older he still reads to him .

Albangirl14 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:05:48

I have a 3 year old grand daughter and she loves sticker books and cutting and sticking activities so I think giving time and the things needed to do something together would be helpful when everyone is looking after the new baby and Mum. She does love dressind up as well!

NanaandGrampy Wed 17-Feb-16 10:07:48

There is always a gift from the new arrival to the older child. But we don't give a gift as well.

We also don't give unbirthday gifts instead we explain right from the start that it's not their special day so they don't get gifts , BUT for the first couple of years they do get to help the birthday child unwrap their gifts. Once the birthday child is able to unwrap on their own then the older child doesn't help.

It's never been a problem and they all look forward to their own special day.

sweetcakes Wed 17-Feb-16 10:12:59

I agree with the new baby thing a pressie for the sibling so they don't feel lonely but I won't be draw into the whole birthday thing if it's not their birthday they receive nothing I'm sorry but I've seen parents not only spoil the birthday child but also its siblings too under the heading of oh bless I can't leave them out to !! And grandparents do the same to it didn't happen years age why the sudden change

Nellie54 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:17:16

Definitely. Why not choose a tree or plant which you could plant together?
Always works with mine.

Imperfect27 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:20:45

We were introduced to 'unbirthday' gifts by my first daughter's quite elderly godparents when it was the first birthday og her little brother. we thought it was a great idea and have kept the tradition going into later years. No unbirthday gift cost more than £1-2 and as the children grew older (and then there were four smile) it became part of the tradition that the birthday girl / boy would give out the token gifts before they opened their presents.

As for new arrivals ... I haven't reached second GC stage yet, but with our own, the new baby always brought a gift for the older sibling/s and the they brought something in return. I was very touched when my eldest son recently made a point of buying a little blue elephant for our first GS when he was born. DS had received a little blue elephant from his bog sister when he arrived in the world.

As you can see - we are a family that love traditions!

Imperfect27 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:21:42

Tch - make that 'big' sister ...

kittylester Wed 17-Feb-16 10:22:02

We have always bought the older child a present when a new baby arrives but we do not buy unbirthday presents for the reasons stated above - it's not their day.

annifrance Wed 17-Feb-16 10:27:42

Always. lego/duplo. and whenever I meet a child with a new sibling I ignore the baby, talk to the child and then ask what have they got to show me, what is the baby's name and ask all the questions to them. They soon lose interest but they don't feel left out or usurped.

Granarchist Wed 17-Feb-16 10:35:35

I was interested that my 3 yr old DGD reminded me yesterday what her baby sister had 'given' her when she first saw her in hospital over 18 months ago. Memory like an elephant - so yes a present 'from the baby' is lovely but I'm not sure she needs one from everyone else?
My father used to bring us back presents whenever he worked away from home - that stopped on the day we greeted him with 'what have you brought us'. A good lesson learnt!

Persistentdonor Wed 17-Feb-16 10:36:23

Totally agree with Alea.

I have a 7 week grandson in Oz. I knitted a cotton hoody for him, and sent it with some cute seat belt buddies for his big sisters.

Older siblings are inevitably going to experience a level of displacement. A small token that they are still important too will help salve potential bruised egos.

I have always made a point of chatting to an older sibling about their new baby, before asking if it is ok for me to have a look.

annodomini Wed 17-Feb-16 10:37:33

As well as a gift for GD1, the best thing you can give her is your time and attention when the baby is, inevitably, getting a lot of admiration.

Imperfect27 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:46:49

Yes, older sibling needs to feel they are still important. As our children grew we never had nay problems with jealousy or unkindness between them. I do think it helped to start off positively.

Imperfect27 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:48:21

Just realised how prissy that sounds! What ?I mean is - common squabbles apart - they did get on and they don't bear any life-long resentments which seem common for some.

Smithy Wed 17-Feb-16 11:09:45

My first grandchild was 12 when his little sister came along so never occurred to me to buy him something. He seemed very happy to let her have all the attention! Also don't believe in unbirthday presents. think there's too much emphasis on presents these days.
Sorry don't get me wrong, I love them to bits and I am as generous with them as I can be. I have also opened little savings accounts for them which I think will be more beneficial.

mcem Wed 17-Feb-16 11:12:13

My daughters (37 +39) still have the Care Bears which were a gift from the baby . The gifts were sitting in the cot trolley when they came for the first visit. We've kept it going with presents from tne new arrival to the older siblings but never 'unbirthday' presents!
I always speak to the older one when I visit a new baby and usually find they're delighted to do the introductions.

helmacd Wed 17-Feb-16 11:16:55

Easy - buy a book and read it to him/her; you are giving a small present and also your time and love, the latter two being particularly important when there is now a 'usurper'.

Imperfect27 Wed 17-Feb-16 11:20:19

Unbirthday presents evidently seem OTT to many people. They really are only token things and more for fun than anything - and not given because we felt there was a 'need' for them, but just as a bit of a smile as the years have rolled on. However, like many others here, I think the trick is to pay lots of attention to the older sibling /s when the new baby arrives as they are bound to be feeling a bit thrown.

NotSpaghetti Wed 17-Feb-16 12:18:01

We also buy the older child/children small gifts when a new baby arrives. My parents did this for our family and bought my second child a beautiful drum when our third child was born(!)... needless to say, we don't do inherently noisy and/or startling things!!!

With regards to other children. Lots of love, cuddles and stories are best for the older siblings. There are good pre-birth books now for the prospective older siblings. And we like to explain that when they're born, the new baby may well be able to hold their finger in their tiny hand and may soon be able to smile at them and will think they are really special. I hated it when my first child was told she would have a little brother/sister "to play with" as this is clearly nonsense
Like mcem, I always speak to the older children first when visiting a new baby.

We don't buy unbirthday presents - it seems important to focus on the special day for the birthday girl (or boy), but we do usually buy a few token flowers each year for the "mum" as a sort-of thank you.