Article about wife who put up with 35 years of husband's cheating

Unbelievable, she's lived a lie her whole married life.

Not surprised , more like her sadly

I don't think my self respect would put up with that! She had 4 children as well! I'm astonished.

In that situation, I would carefully gather together evidence, money and other assets and when I had enough - boot him out!

x

I know someone who has put up with affairs for the sake of financial security and a very good lifestyle. His affairs are no secret either. As J52 says I value my self respect more.

I read this and felt irritated by, and sorry for, the woman. She seemed conditioned to perpetuate the passive, grateful woman role - wasn't he tall, good looking, and an army type while she was the 'right sort' - ie would put up with his philandering while breeding more of the same? I can't work out if she felt she'd made a mistake and was telling her story as a cautionery tale or was feeling smug that now he's given up other women and they do the cooking together so her 'blindness' was worthwhile?

Personally, I'd have been gone long ago.

Having now read the article, what a miserable life she has lead. Definitely not worth it.

He's only 50, how could she ever be sure he won't stray again? She must have spent so much time watching him and checking up on him.

Her tactic of keeping him at arm's length worked was successful in getting him to marry her.

Annie, if I have understood your post correctly may I send you love and

My first husband was unfaithful for most of our marriage, even during my first pregnancy, but I didn't know until years after our divorce, when he wrote a book and told everyone! My children were disgusted with him.

I certainly couldn't live a life of suspicion and uncertainty like that woman. It would surely affect your health in every way.

As a child of a father who cheated repwatedly on my mother I remember begging her to leave him. Her reply was to say "where would we go?".
This was in 1973 where thins were very different to things now. There are so many options that a woman can do now and there is no need to "have to stay for the sake of the children" because like me I knew what was going on and I hated my mum for staying (but we did stay & I did still love her)

An acquaintance has done something similar , but she has headed off some of them , family arrangements were suddenly made that precluded the meetings , children needed Dad to see them at Uni to sort out accommodation just when a date had been arranged . I only knew because her children were friends with ours and were aware that Mum was manipulating things and giggled about it , that and the gossip on the street ! She waited till he was between affairs and took off on holiday alone with his credit cards and came back when she had milked as much as she could . They are still together

I think it would be difficult to know how one would react until placed in the situation!

So this jerk believes he got away with it all those years and that his wife is a blind fool?
Or that he is so wonderful that she was willing to ignore his philandering, which tbf does seem to be her view too.

Kate does seem to believe that they have reached the safe waters of companionable grandparenthood, but who knows.

I can sort of understand why she stayed and I believe there are many women who stay for the security.

It wouldnt work for me , I just couldn't keep quiet

On this subject, but referring back to my post "Believing in Nothing" my brother has had numerous affairs that his wife and I have known about since 2007. They met when she was 14 and he 16 as she lived only 2 doors away. She says she will only ever love him and has stayed true to him. I think one of the reasons he is so depressed presently is that he is 67 now and not able to attract the women that he used to. His/my dad always was a strong believer of commitment but his father was a philanderer. My brother's wife has had a quite luxurious lifestyle with my brother, but when he lost all his fortune, she stuck by him. Now, she won't talk to me because she thinks that I had some hand in his "sheniigins". I know he was very young when he got involved with her but all the same, I think she is very brave in sticking by him. I couldn't.

All his children know of his behaviour as he left and lived with another woman for a year, but still worship the ground he walks upon. Such is the power of a "good personality"!

It was her choice to turn a blind eye for the sake of the lifestyle she wanted and a happy stable home for the children. Many women have done the same the world over.

Tom Jones's wife Linda springs to mind.

I think it's different if the man/woman is honest about it and the other partner has agreed to tolerate it, unlike this situation where there has been deception all round

I wonder if you were married to the same man I was! My ex-husband wrote all about it in his book. It can't be that common an occurrence and he has been married 5 times!!

Unbeknown to me my first husband was a serial cheater. He was a local doctor and many of his affairs were conducted with his patients;it was only when he was sacked that it all came to light.We were married 20 years and he started the first affair 6 months after our wedding. Ironically they are now married, though there were many others along the way. Putting up with this behaviour has its own dangers I believe; other people may judge you for it,and your children will suffer huge embarrassment. Mine had guessed long before me,but had not told me because they feared the upset it would cause. What an unforgivable dilemma he put them through. I can never escape the fact that 20 years of my life turned out to be a fiction.

This is to Lona.

No Melanie, it wasn't your ex!