Article about wife who put up with 35 years of husband's cheating

I just hope they have a happy ending.

He's still young enough to continue having affairs.

Imagine if she ends up being his carer.

Each to their own, I guess, and maybe we shouldn't judge... it would definitely not work for me though.

The lies and deception IMO mean that he does not respect her, and that is what would kill it for me.

She's given him the best of both worlds - I doubt age will stop him now, though his opportunities might be less.

To be blunt. I think he's a jerk.

My brother in law was leading a double life, children included.
Even when the proverbial hit the fan my sister in law still had him back.

Reported - again!

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They deserve each other.

A late cousin of mine knew her husband was having an affair for 30 years and she did nothing about it. He was having the best of both worlds. My cousin was neglected, lived on benefit and was left on her own most of the time. Their son who was mortified when he found out refused to speak to his dad again, my cousin died and her husband eventually went into an old peoples home, his son still never spoke to him and would never talk about this to anyone, after the old man died the son had a nervous breakdown and said he was unable to grieve about his dad, he is now unable to work and spends days wandering around like a down and out although he has a lovely home. The point of this is to say that, infidelity has an effect on whole families not just the spouse.

Brave lady annsixty. I wish you well.

What very sad stories we are hearing. I feel so sad for you. My own marriage is now 57 years long and my H has Alzheimer's but it was happy until the illness took over. It is still not unhappy just different.

I put up with it for 36 years for sake of kids and then decided enough is enough. So divorced now. Kids still love their dad despite the affairs. I do feel sorry for him now though as he has bad health and I would have taken care of him like the marriage vows say but I feel I had no choice but to split for my own sanity. I'm happy but still love him in a way but too late now and can't go backwards.

I wouldn't have cared if my husband was unfaithful, I didnT love him and only stayed to keep a roof over the children's heads. He didn't love me either. I'm sure marriages like this were common years ago.

No I stuck in a relationship for the sake of family because I didn't want their lives disrupted years later the relationship broke down after 27years and that same family told me I should of done it years ago it's distressing for everyone whenever it happens.

Kittylester ,thank you but not me,i was only married for eight years , he died. I know women who stay in those marriages for different reasons, I couldn't cope with one betrayal , well I don't think I could but thinking of it perhaps I could, I say this after missing my husband for forty years , string of affairs no way

It happened to me with my first husband too - that was in the late '60s.
Like annifrance I stuck it out for a while because of our 3 young children, and I just didn't know where to go. And the children loved him, he was good to them, still is. I didn't want to burden my parents either.
In the end I told him enough is enough, and he actually left.
It's very damaging though, the wounds are still there.
I would never have put up with it for 35 years.

I saw that article too and I thought the woman who wrote it showed quite a lot of cold-hearted calculation.

It isn't that easy to provide a decent home for yourself and your children if you don't have a well paid career/good education, even if you a former partner pays substantial and regular maintenance (which many don't) and I do understand why many women might try to overlook an affair.

However, I can't understand how someone could put up with such disloyalty and dishonesty time after time and still want to have sex with them and bear more children with them.

She said, in the last paragraph, "my prize for sticking it out is every anniversary celebrated, every quiet moment relished" But then she says "Very occasionally, I look at him and feel so angry I could scream ...... I outlasted any woman foolish enough to think the affair would lead to something and, in the end, it was worth it." There seem to be a lot of contradictions there. I can't understand how someone can have "quiet moments" when what seems to be festering in the back of her mind is a corrosive memory of serial unfaithfulness and her collusion in such disrespectful behaviour.

Exactly the reasons I ended my first marriage. Self respect, women become second class by putting up with it. I did however wait until I knew I could manage with two small children on my own. Of course a marriage breakup is damaging to the children, but I imagine less damage is done by acknowledging the truth and going it alone than living the lie.

A very old friend of mine is a serial philanderer, whose wife (the right sort for a military man) has finally cracked and thrown him out - the cause being his latest relationship with a woman half his age. I tried to talk him out of the situation when he realised no-one would look after him if he became ill, but he has always maintained that until now he has never strayed. Do older men become blinkered as well as forgetful?

Not quite the same but my MIL stayed with a man who hit her and was verbally abusive for about 30 years .It did stop when they were 60 ish ,just before I met DH
I asked her once why she stayed 'Because I'd lose the house'(no mention of DH) This was a woman who worked too,though not well paid
There was a family history. FIL parents did divorce in later life for the same reason(there were other issues) and DH grandmother lived with her daughter .

I warned DH before we married that if he ever laid a finger on me I and any children we might have would be out of there so fast he wouldn't see us for dust .I had a good job and owned my own house before we married so I suppose I was confident I could support us .He does have a quick temper but has never threatened or hit me
Appearances are quite important to some people?

My father knew, and my husband knows.....if you ever stray, you're gone!
If a man doesn't want to be with you, and only you, why on earth would you want him?
My mum was a very strong and confident woman, and I was brought up to be the same.....I love my husband totally, but I would never allow him to treat me badly, I have far too much self respect for that!
I also absolutely believe that 'a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle'......I'm with my husband because I want to be, not because I need to be!

I think her acceptance of the situation is disgraceful. No wonder women are still regarded by many as second class citizens. She was a teacher, so she could have left him and made her own living. Imagine staying with someone like that for the 'lifestyle'. I'd much rather have a proper life and some self respect. Aargh.

Did you see the article about Mary and Jeffrey Archer about to be 50 years married? Much the same. She put up with his phalnadering and believes that he is faithful now?

I certainly couldn't do it. One drunken episode I might forgive, but sleeping around and deliberately being untruthful? Nah!

No Melanie, it wasn't your ex!

This is to Lona.

Unbeknown to me my first husband was a serial cheater. He was a local doctor and many of his affairs were conducted with his patients;it was only when he was sacked that it all came to light.We were married 20 years and he started the first affair 6 months after our wedding. Ironically they are now married, though there were many others along the way. Putting up with this behaviour has its own dangers I believe; other people may judge you for it,and your children will suffer huge embarrassment. Mine had guessed long before me,but had not told me because they feared the upset it would cause. What an unforgivable dilemma he put them through. I can never escape the fact that 20 years of my life turned out to be a fiction.

I wonder if you were married to the same man I was! My ex-husband wrote all about it in his book. It can't be that common an occurrence and he has been married 5 times!!

I think it's different if the man/woman is honest about it and the other partner has agreed to tolerate it, unlike this situation where there has been deception all round