Difficult discussion and I have to be the one to do it.

I too would be very happy to do it for you. "DD cannot visit unless you agree not to smoke while the baby is in the house." End of. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't get to see the baby. I would not even be happy about the baby being in a smoke-ridden atmosphere from years of smoking and wouldn't take the babe anyway.

I'll do it for you willingly. Can't stand cantankerous old people

A bit extreme!!

As soon as our first dgc was on the way my dh was under instruction by me to smoke in the garage and he did so happily, that was 9 years ago.

On one occasion we travelled long haul to visit a new dgc. DH is step father/step grandfather but we all get on so well and 'step' never really is a consideration. It was confirmed beforehand that dh only smokes outdoors. I was asked to ask dh to hang a shirt at the back door and wear it when out smoking and change back out of it when returning indoors.

Will it be a long visit? I'm thinking her home will be pretty smelly even if no-one smokes at the time.

Could it be phrased as helping the young parents to keep off smoking, to not smoke around them and their baby?

She must be asked not to smoke, it may not have harmed her children but it has abd dies harm children, explain it increases the risk of cot death, good luck

I'm really surprised that anyone would seriously consider smoking around a baby nowadays. Yes you need to have that conversation with DM and as annsixty says she either agrees or stays home.

I'm afraid I agree. If she wants you to visit and she wants to see the baby she has to do without a smoke while you are there or go outside.

No but I agree it has to be done.
If she wants to see her GGC she will have to do it,everyone has to make sacrifices at times and I would not have anyone smoking near my child whether it is her home or not.