The Gransnet Olympics !

I do hope the sailing team don't make the stupid mistake they made in yesterday's practice. They forgot to put the plug into their bathtub and slowly sank over the first 100 yards.

If they put the plug in, they are in a good position for a medal.

The rescue boat is already in position.

G&T ???

Please does anyone know what has happened to the procrastination team? I thought we had a strong team and a good chance of a medal but they seem to have wandered off somewhere.

Some events for the menfolk here bit.ly/2bawXGd
Can I enter DH for the belt loosening!

lolly beige - did you really need to ask? We will need slacks and twinset with optional shawls and lap blankets!!

......and don't forget the little slot for the She Wee....

I have another one for the men, though I know a few women who could have a good go. The slalom round the kitchen avoiding picking up any dirty dishes.

I would put money on myself in the 'bending to my toenails and getting back up again' event.

I have been reading in the DM about what Olympians eat for breakfast to keep them in tiptop condition. Can you please state truthfully what you are eating and the quantity so that I can be sure you are at your very best.

I've supplemented my healthy branflakes breakfast today with a small portion of leftover spinach and paneer curry and a couple of Freddos that were going begging. As the only person so far in the team for the over 60s relay medley-with-swimming-aids-including-mainly-doggie-paddle team, I need to keep my strength up.

I hotly dispute the allegations about what happened when I ended up in the diving area last night. I'd been told by some jobsworth to leave the toddler pool where I was practising (some tosh about dive-bombing upsetting the children, pah) and took an innocent wrong turning. I was befuddled simply because of the axle grease on my glasses and it was nothing at all to do with the teensy swimming trunks the divers were wearing. And I just tripped into Tom Daly's jacuzzi by accident, due to temporary bunion related instability. Anyway, I'm pleased to report that I seem to have got away with it been exonerated. The axle grease was a great help in getting out of the clutches of those security men, btw.

I have just been reading about the benefits of turmeric on another thread. I am therefore including turmeric lattes in my training diet. Delicious with the bacon butties and chips. ☕️

Maggie, that caused a 100 yard dash to the loo and I almost made it!!

nan, my diet today so far has been a bowl of rice krispies, a biscuit with cream cheese and two galaxy ripples. Guaranteed tip top condition for any event you want to enter me for.

Two chocolate digestives and some porridge. Howzat?

Maggie I hear they are looking for someone to blame for not winning gold, just bronze. You had better keep a low profile!

Will do, trisher. As I'm still banned from the training facilities I am practising my underwater start technique today in the GS's paddling pool I can stay under for nearly ten seconds now with the help of DGS1's Peppa Pig snorkel set. It comes with flippers to give me that extra edge on pushing off. As they're a wee bit tight I've cut in a little triangle on each to accommodate the bunions.

Don't worry maggiemaybe on the replay they cut to the Chinese diver who nearly lost his trunks, so your little accidental slip into the jacuzzi was not broadcast.

No breakfast for me alas, as I'm preparing to go for gold in the Losing Half A Stone And Putting It On Again event.

I'm confident of winning.

Beige Kitty OK. Just need to check how to knit on YouTube. May need to get back to me in 4 years as my heart is in it.

The lifeguards are standing by Maggie but please note they are wearing specially re-inforced bathing trunks which protect them at all times.

Spoilsports

Anyone know how our sailors got on ?

They have sent out the search party for the GN sailors. I suspect they are in some sleazy bar. As for the other Olympians haven't a clue, too busy looking after you lot .

Breakfast was a very healthy poached egg on a small piece of toast; however, some sustenance was needed by 11.30 am so I had a latte and a small cake when we were out.

Is that why the bath-tub is sinking do you think?

I have knitted some small Union flags to stitch on to our beige outfits, but Seb Coe said we are not allowed to claim to be British, he has disowned us all