Rant

Oh dear. Families and farms. Everything is fine until the DCs get married (or similar)

You have to realise that farms can be very daunting places to outsiders. It's a way of life that might just as well be on the moon if you are not of that mindset. You say the little boy 'follows your rules'. If those rules are for his own safety then that's fine but you do come across as rather bossy.

Maybe your DS's partner is not feeling well because she is in the early stages of pregnancy. She's bound to feel tired if she is suffering from morning sickness. Cut her some slack.

This sounds as though you don't want anyone else to have your son's affection. You're going to lose him altogether if you're not careful.

That sentence puzzled me too she makes no effort to fit into our ways I can't imagine what ways they might be. Why should she ?

"A son is your son until he takes a wife" his family are his priority now.

Everytime we try to talk to them they instantly start the 'You don't like her' campaign
It depends what you are trying to talk to them about!

If you are phoning up to ask how she's feeling (pregnant and miserable with a rotten cold) or how the little boy is then I don't see why he should respond with You don't like her.

I don't know how old he is, you say she is not fitting in with our ways - does she need to? Why does she have to change to adapt to your ways? Does he work with his father on the farm or does he have another job elsewhere?

Sorry, but I do think YABU

Why should she fit in with you!? It comes across that you cant stand the woman and if we pick that up god knows how she feels!! All sounds a bit petty to me.

I have every sympathy with you , OH used to run the family farm and things went the opposite to your experience , I had to bite my togue or walk away many times , now I am a MIL and try to be kinder to my DDIL

Yes.

It's early days in their relationship and the young woman is probably feeling insecure at the moment. Your son has left home, leave him to it and don't pester him to help out on the farm.

When his partner sees you are no threat to her she'll come round, just be polite and carry on having the little boy when they ask. Your son's loyalties must be with his own little family now.

Its a new relationship and sounds like your sons first serious one so its all new to him and he poor lad is finding his way and growing up and away, and I'm afraid its something you are going to have suck it up or make things worse. You have to bite your tongue and not criticise him if he runs to her side. I've been where you are with my own son and learnt that we have to let our children go and hope one day they find their way back sometimes they just don't but that's the chance we take when we have them in the first place.
I do know its not easy.

Oh dear ! your son has left home , he. has a new family ! You will only lose him of you don't loosen the apron strings , he will be you son but at a distance , it is normal