Presents for grandchildren rejected

I guess from now on I will just have to give money and leave it to my son to explain why their cousins have presents.

Are we talking about 8 gifts the size of a matchbox or 8 gifts the size of tv? I would be annoyed at having to find homes for the latter. Just like to add that I bought DH one book he requested and someone one else has given him seven books all costing about £20 + each and although extremely generous it's embarrassingly so.

Two annuals, one book, playdough, Lego and few dolls and trains, not huge presents.

I didn't realise grandparents had to tread so carefully these days... Not how I was brought up.

One grandson.... one present ... maximum spend £12. One happy little boy. You can't buy their affection Happygran, or happiness. And you could try respecting your son's method of parenting. I don't think that would go amiss, and you wouldn't be spending the day feeling miserable.

I think saying that you ruined Christmas was very harsh and unnecessary. They didn't have to give the children all the presents in one go they could have been spread over a period of time.
Next year maybe talk the present giving over with your son and wife to avoid the situation recurring.
You had the best intentions Happygran so don't beat yourself up about it, at least your family are taking their parenting role seriously.

I neither need or wish to buy affection, I know my grandchildren love me as I am. I don't see the problem in being a little generous personally. You choose to be more frugal as is your right.

I don't regard giving each of one's grandchildren one present "treading carefully". I regard that as simply normal. Your 'normal' is clearly different, happy, but I think you should consider what your son and daughter-in-law regard as normal and be accepting of that. They are not doing anything wrong in having a different point of view from yours.

I agree thatbags!

They happily accepted my paying for all of them to go to a Safari park, a trip to the Santa Express and a zoo membership, oh and I didn't get a thanks for that either.

Well just cut back on all the OTT giving!

Thatbags, I mean treading carefully by having to get pre approval about what I actually buy. As I said I will only give money from now on so problem solved!

Jane I do it because I don't want two of my grandchildren to miss out.

Thanks Christine

I always buy each of my GCs several small low cost presents as well as giving money. Even my 17 year old GS said how much he looks forward to receiving his usual home-made personalized red sack. It was only about 1/4 full but he still enjoyed the thrill of opening it. I don't feel that once a year is spoiling them! I would have been very upset if DD had told me off, but then I know she is just as bad!
Don't beat yourself up Happygran, you are a caring generous grandmother whom your GCs may appreciate when they are old enough to notice their parents' excessive control.

Thank you Shysal, it's nice you understand.

happy, from what you say, it sounds to me that you're well aware of your son and his family's 'alternative' lifestyle. Why then did you decide not to respect that? It sounds to me that you are trying to control and impose your will regarding Christmas presents, against their wishes.
Accept their differences.

I'm sorry you're unhappy about it.

Maybe you can suggest how I tell the grandchildren that they can't have the same as their cousins as I am certainly not depriving them of their gifts if my daughter doesn't mind. I maintain that I didn't go over the top.

I am sorry to be deaths head at this feast, but I think buying 8 presents each for your grand children is excessive. Admittedly, you do not say what they were or how much they cost and if they were all stocking presents from Poundland that would not be excessive, but I suspect you poured your all, money and love, into buying those presents and I suspect this wasn't the first time you have gone overboard like this nor was it the first time it has been a bone of contention between you and your son.

Since when have parents vetted presents bought for their children? Well, for as long as parents have been parents and children have been given presents. I can remember my mother quietly removing a present I was given that she thought was unsuitable for me, and although I do not remember doing it myself with my children I would have if the occasion had arisen.

My DS and DDiL struggle with the number of presents their children are given. They had their children late and few of their friends have children, so they get spoiled at Christmas and birthdays. As a result both sets of Grandparents liaise very closely with the parents over what we give the children, as indeed did my children's grandparents with us.It would not occur to me to give my grandchildren other than the most trivial of presents without consulting their parents.

As many a thread on Gransnet has shown, showering children and grandchildren with everything they want as a sign of love, often results in selfish and demanding children who grow into adulthood expecting to get everything they want and rejecting the givers when they cease giving.

Happy did say what they were. They were 'stocking filler' type gifts. I suggest you read the thread before commenting.

Perhaps you bought gifts that your GC loved which has made DIL fell a little bit put out! I have learnt to run things past my sons &Dils now just to keep the peace. It seems sons have to walk on eggshells these days !much easier if you have a daughter! which I don't so for the sake of making life easier for sons, I check first ?

Karen they weren't stocking filler gifts. Books, dolls and trains.

Personally I think your DS and DiL need a lesson in good manners!.

Their Christmas was ruined because their children were given too many presents?.

Next year ask DiL to give you some ideas and just go along with it, life's too short to let them upset you like this.

Jane, I suppose it's a matter of semantics.
Gemmag, I agree with your comment regarding manners... Gifts should be accepted with good grace and if a son of mine accused me of 'ruining christmas' for buying my very polite, appreciative grandchildren some play dough, annuals etc, I would be very concerned.

Would your son and DIL have objected to just one present each equating to the value of the 8 smaller ones you sent them or would you have been in the wrong doing that also ?? If my son or daughter thought I had sent too much they would have put some away for a later date, simple solution problem solved and all of my DCs & DGCs would have thanked me for their gifts no matter what I bought them.