Presents for grandchildren rejected

Takingthemick. I wholeheartedly agree with what you say about this generation, the 30/40 something!. Their lack of good manners, their fowl language their 'we know better than you about almost everything' and of course their parenting skills??.

Happygran. Take a step back and let the dust settle. I suspect this is not intirely all about the Christmas presents as I suspect there's more going on in the relationship with your DS and DDiL. Time to have a " heart to heart" and listen!.

As GP's I think our best gifts are our time and the making of happy
memories. I am very sorry for OP's sadness, and think the situation was handled very insensitively by her son.

I know how you feel as I have done the same thing to I had a big scare this year and did not think I would be here for it this year so bought far too much my children were not happy

Just tell your son to get over himself! In my opinion he has over reacted by saying you spoiled Xmas. Obviously he has no problem with spoiling yours! A quiet word would have been the adult thing to do. I agree with previous posts that you should give him money and tell him to get on with it next Xmas.

As ive said before, many times with sons its always a minefield. Mostly because of the DIL wanting her own way all of the time.And the son just gives in for a quite life.Ive two sons and no daughters.Only my eldest DS is married and has 3 sons.Thankfully although ive gone overboard in the pastBuying expensive presents we just font have the money now.And i do think 8 presnents per child is too much.I still spend £40or 50 each per grandchild for xmas and a bit less for birthdays.I do consult with the parents as the children have so much i dont want to duplicate.This xmas went really well.But in the past ive had my son on the phone complaining and him being very rude just becsuse i gave my eldest DGC afew snall family photos.As i said its a minefield these days.Happy gran i no how you feel .Ive been in that poistion.But things have been slowly improving with my dil .Especially since she had her third baby son in november.Good luck hsppy gran ?

It is so easy to get carried away at Christmas and maybe 8 presents plus money and outings is a lot for young children, but your son could have dealt with this issue in a kinder way. Don't overreact happy gran. Next Christmas is a long way off.

I stopped the stockings for my grown up children a few years ago and have never done stockings for my GC.this I feel is something,their parents enjoy doing. I usually buy three pressies for everyone with one main present and two about £15 each.

Don't let this incident spoil your lovely relationship with your GC or son. And put the money you save towards a treat for yourself.

I think the son behaved outrageously,it's up to you how much you spend and how many presents you give them surely.sounds to me as if they have weird ideas anyway generally re not being taught to say Thankyou etc for presents.I think I'd speak to the son before next Xmas saying roughly what you'd like to give them or like someone else said give money but I certainly wouldn't be dictated to and much more f that sort of thing I'd tell him where to stick it and just put the money into a savings account to have when they are older but make sure there's a note with it for the kids to read if your not around then.so they understand why they didn't get presents when younger.

It's made far more difficult as you have their cousins opening stuff at the same time I agree.
I don't think 8 gifts is excessive at all ,it's not like you are giving them 8 X boxes etc !!just small presents.

A lot depends on how many grandchildren one has because obviously if like me you only have one so far you'd be able to spend more on that one than a work colleague of mine who has 18!!!!

It's Christmas! If you can't spoil your grand-children at this time, when can you? I think your family were totally out of order to say what they did. It's rude, ungrateful and hurtful. They should apologise, not you.

Happy New Year, Happygran. x

It's really hard to get things right. Don't beat yourself up about it. I bought each of mine a main present and one tiny present. The little ones wanted Build-a-Bear vouchers and I gave them a toy costing under £5 with it and the big ones had a selection box and their present. Two years ago, before my DD split with her husband I did the same and then the other grandparents arrived with a vast box of presents, at least ten each and then the brand new bikes were produced. What was worse was that they had bought the children the same presents as I had, as well as all the rest. As you only bought yours small things, don't feel bad as your son was appallingly rude. The best thing is to give money or a voucher next year and see if your son complains then!

Dear Happygran - aw don't be upset. Very silly and ungrateful of your son to give you a telling off about your generosity.

To make you feel better I hope ..... Arrived at my DDs house to find her rushing about the grandson's playroom literally chucking toys into a huge Ali baba basket .... Bemoaning how much stuff he had blah blah.

There was no way I could hide the huge Xmas sackful I was dragging in for GS. Part if me wanted to laugh & say "if you think he's got a lot now, wait till he opens this lot".

My DD and I are avid boot salers .... Everything is so cheap that I had bough a mass of stuff. But so had she! I only bought 2 NEW pressies .... Pjs and superhero bath stuff.

But she kept on moaning about all his stuff and he kept asking for MORE!!! I told her to please bring my new stuff round to ours since his playroom here is full of babyish stuff and he's clearly got far too much at home. He spends 3 afternoons a week here & the rest of the week at nursery!

I guess what I'm saying is that our sons and daughters are somewhat insensitive to OUR feelings. In my experience a mother's place is always in the wrong .....

I can totally relate to how you feel and a good intention on your part has resulted in you feeling upset and disappointed. Tell your son how you feel but I have a gut feeling that your DIL may have given him an ear bashing .... Or am I being cynical.

All that said, I've made a resolution that next year our GS is given a max of 4 gifts ..... Something special, a nice book, Xmas chocolates and a small fun gift.

The sack is now a relic. The fact that we don't spend much is irrelevant .... He's one spoilt little boy!!!

I hope your grandchildren loved their presents .... And I hope your son calls you to apologise for being mean.

When are people gonna realise that us wonderful grandmas occasionally get it wrong cos we're only human. But everything we do is based on love.

My house is very empty and quiet today as my DS DIL and new GD have returned home ....

Wishing you a very Happy New Year x

Go on mumsnet and see all the posts from parents complaining about all the tat that grandparents buy. We have to live with it all and it's so much clutter!

The OP sayes she bought a few dolls. Fact is the child will already have had a few dolls. My 3 year old has a handful. So a few more means nothing to her and just adds to clutter

I think it was thoughtless and showed a lack of respect and insight.

Greatnanny, is it also good to hear that these parents are raising these children not to have good manners? That they aren't encouraged to say please or thank you, if they don't want to? Does it not disturb you that these children will not attend school because the parents don't accept teachers 'disciplining' them?

How do we define a spoilt child anyway? I personally prefer a polite child with boundaries who is 'spoilt' on one day a year to a child being reared with no manners by rude parents.

I think 8 presents each is rather a lot, given that they presumably got presents from other people. However, why weren't some of the presents simply put away and perhaps brought out on another special occasion nor as a special treat? It seems a shame to upset you about this.

My son and his partner also complain about presents with lots of components to them and we tend to keep such presents at our house to lessen the clutter at theirs.

Oh Happygran, I am sorry your gifts were rejected. Your son and daughter in law, should be flipping grateful that you care!! My mother used to buy carefully for my daughter but got anything for my son, and it hurt to ser the look on his face. She use to visit us, bring books for my daughter but not even a bag of sweets for my son. In the end I said something, not that it made any difference, it got to the point, where they wouldn't visit her and my dad, because of the way she treated them. My in laws were completely different, wonderful ,spent time playing with them etc. Alas they passed away, then my mother six years ago, my son didn't go to the funeral, and I wasn't going to make him. The point I y trying to make is, your son and daughter in y shouldn't be so horrid, that you are buying them gifts because you love them, not for any other reason. Big hugs, you are a caring grandmother, and they should be beeping grateful you are !

Dear Foxie,

"Serves you right" Everyone is allowed to an opinion but there is no need to be so unpleasant & rude. Comments with manners would be nice

If it makes you feel better, we did something similar last year and resolved not to make the same mistake again. Instead, we felt we had maybe disappointed them!

I suppose lots of more fortunate children are over-indulged at Christmas and it would probably be better to rein in the very natural inclination to treat our children/grandchildren and instead buy some toys for local charities to distribute. I always intend to do this but never get round to organising it. I have decided to definitely get my act together and do that next year.

It doesn't matter whether it's a lot of presents or not. Your son should be grateful in my view. And they can always keep some for later in the year-or address the issue some other way, depending on how old the children are. If it hasn't put you off next year, I would do the same actually if you want to, and it makes you happy,
and say it's a grandmothers prerogative. If they feel it's overindulging the children, then they can explain that to them. It's their problem,not yours.

HappygranHow rude of your son and entitled to his I'm king of the world attitude. I'm so fed up with that generation and their know- it- all- ness.
Gee I'm sure bringing eight presents when they are that young is going to ruin their lives. Keeping them out of school and social interactions is more likely to do that. If the parents were so concerned why didn't they have a discussion BEFORE Xmas and let you know specifically what they would like for their children? I hate the control they have but if you don't want to end up on the Granset board of estranged grandparents than I suggest you play their stupid game and ask them ahead of time what you can buy.
I had a sister in law who never allowed her children to eat cake or any other sweets for years. When they got old enough to do what they wanted they used to gorge themselves on it at family parties. Gave me a good chuckle anyways.

I feel very sorry for you Happygran. Your son did not handle it very tactfully, and should have mentioned it before next year's shopping trip. My Mum used to want to shower my four with lots of gifts, but she was clever and used to put them all in one box, so they only technically had one present each from her!
I saw someone on a breakfast tv show recently saying a sensible rule for children gifts is this--
Something they want
something they need
something to wear
and something to read.
A handy little rhyme meant as advice to parents, but it could easily apply to us grandparents.

I used to buy toys every now and again ,always in charity shops, never spending much, then one day my DGS said 'Daddy says you have to stop buying us toys' and he repeated it again and again and got quite upset about it. So I decided there and then that there would be no more toys. So now I don't buy them anything, even at Christmas and Birthdays and it's breaking my heart. Spoilt Christmas for me too. you are so right Happy Gran - it's hard to know what makes them happy.

Curb your enthusiasm and generosity next year and just get one small gift each, and expect a proper thank you letter. See how they like that!

Happy. I feel your pain. Neo liberals are the opposite to liberal. My son and dil are the same. They won't let you speak. They get offended. They want to control every aspect of what their children receive. Eat. There is no discipline. Just gentle hands. No gender specific toys or actually mentioning. This is a boys toy. It's got to the point I don't want them here. They are so mean. Cheap presents for everyone and don't contribute either with money or help. Lie in bed and let everyone else look after their out of control children and criticise what you think and do. That rant feels good. I have to tread on egg shells having been sworn and shouted at in the past.

Happygran I've read the first page and no time to read more, but have to say you are obviously a very kind, caring and generous nan & mother. Your Son & d.i.l are very ungrateful, they didn't even 'Thank you' for the gifts. It's Xmas, so it's nice to spoil your GC, I'll bet your GC loved all the presents to unwrap and loved you for giving them. Buying all your GC the same amount is very thoughtful indeed. I hope your Son is ashamed of himself on reflection.

Next year I'm sure you will be mindful and maybe just get these GC 2 presents each, this is what your Son should have kindly put to you, with a big "Thank you" at the end for all the gifts you gave.
I'm trying to add up how many presents I brought my darling little GD..possible 8 or more and Boxing day a Tree present when they came to me
I've been 'cut off' from my beloved youngest D&GC by her nasty H, so only one GD to buy for [money in savings acc for other 2] My ND & s.i.l were thrilled at the nice present I bought for their baby D, It was one big one [dolls house], one that goes with the big one [furniture & family] and the rest little ones and white choc snow man & father Xmas & clothes. GD loved the doll's house and played with it all Xmas day Chocolate in cupboard to be given little at a time.

I gave one present each to their children because they don't take birthday presents and Christmas presents home they don't want. It's so hurtful because I think carefully about what they would want.

Hi Happygran. Ignore all the negative comments and sod the lot of them. If you want to buy your GC lots of presents at christmas then do it. Christmas is for the children. Just make sure they know the true meaning of Christmas.i dont think 8 small presents should warrant a "spoilt" Christmas.