Being called by my first name

I noticed when after an op, I had care workers coming in and they all asked ''Can I call you XXXX or Mrs XXXX?'Of course I said they could use my first name.

My bank when I go in to say change a DD etc, always ask the same question. My GP surgery and the pharmacy use 'Mrs XXXXX'.

I remember feeling a momentary sadness for one of my grandmothers who lived to the ripe old age of 95, that there was no one left to call her by her first name. I wouldn't have dared!

My DH used to hate being addressed by his first name, as he'd always been known by his second name too Jalima.

He used to tell callers that they must mean his Dad, who'd been dead for several years...

I haven't been Mrs Wells for 40 years since my divorce and Ms is always awkward verbally so certainly prefer people to call me by my first name. If someone trying to sell me something calls me by first name they get short shrift anyway. With other people I much prefer my first name be they young or old surely respect in this context is old fashioned and out dated. I expect people to treat me with respect but that is nothing to do with what they call me.

I don't mind but its nice to be asked first

I dont care what you call me as long as it aint "hey you"!!!! I always give my Christian and surname when announcing myself would never take offence at anyone using my first name. - sorry, but i could not be that "tight arsed"!! !!

My Granny died over 20 years ago, she always called all her friends Mrs, even though she had known many of them since they were young women! How times have changed, one of our neighbours who must have lived here about 20 years, told me once that he had no idea what our surname is! The best laugh we ever had was when a wee boy in our street called me Big Kerry - apparently to differentiate me from a child of the same name!! My husband has a fairly unusual name and folk often call me that. I am ashamed to say, I usually reply, as I know they must be trying to speak to me.

My niece and nephews called me 'Auntie M' when they were young; now that they are well older (all 30+) they call me Auntie M or just M; I don't mind which. All my children's friends and friend's children called me by my Christian name, my choice. Most of the tradesmen I've known for years use my Christian name apart from the garage mechanic (who I've known for years) who, despite being invited to use 'M', persists in calling me Mrs D.

What I cannot bear (and is probably quite illogical) is getting mail addressed to me by Christian name, instead of Mrs. M. D. Likewise marketing emails from companies I've bought stuff online from. So now, when I'm ordering online I fill in the 'forename' box with just 'M'. At least it guarantees that letters and parcels are, in my eyes, correctly addressed! It's a bit odd getting emails starting 'Dear M' but I can live with that

I worked in a local secondary school for 13 years pre-retirement. All female teachers were universally addressed as Miss, all the male ones as 'Sir', regardless of marital status. Children were often quite unable to tell me the surname of any of their subject teachers...

I've been married 47 years but have always heartily disliked being addressed as Mrs *. I would always prefer to be called by my first name, to me respect is often apparent in the tone of voice or facial expression than the particular form of address used. Someone can address me as Mrs but still sound or appear rude and dismissive and that I don't like!

i don't mind it personally but I know that my 91 year old mother hates it - even more she hates being referred to as 'sweetheart' or 'lovely' by shop staff and nurses!

Here in rural France the formal Madame/Monsieur is the norm and then there is the complication of "you" : "tu" (informal / young children and "vous" formal. One uses the formal address even with neighbours until asked to use the informal address and first name. One elderly, french widow will now address me with "tu" but says she would not dream of using "tu" to my husband in case he thought she was too friendly!
It has taken my hairdresser six years to feel comfortable in using my first name and that is only because we have the same name which he finds hilarious - although he pronounces it the French way .

Isn't it good manners to address someone formally until you have been invited to do otherwise. I get so annoyed by people assuming that they can call me by my first name. We are not friends, I am old enough to be their mother, in fact in some cases, their grandmother! This is something that my children in their twenties and thirties don't understand. I think that it is a sign of the times and makes me sad that we are losing something rather important. It's part of a much wider picture.

It all depends on the people who are calling you I think.Certainly everything is less formal now.Hospitals usually ask you how you would like to be known, or should do.
Banks and business should be formal with your name.
I make appointments with hairdresser and others using both Christian and surname together.It seems stuffy to do otherwise.

I don't mind;it seems to be the way of the world now. I've noticed no lack of respect as a result. GC's friends call me Grandma Golden and I don't see it as a problem. GC call me Grandma and IL's call me by my first name. 'Mrs' to me sounds a bit 'frumpy' and old fashioned these days somehow although I would always ask an even older person than me how they would like to be addressed.

My DH has the same problem Jalima and has always been known by his second Christian name and he absolutely hates his first name (which was his dads name). I can never understand why his parents named him the wrong way around.

Personally I answer to anything.

I was often called 'AuntyJi' when I was in Bangladesh. I gathered that non family females of a certain age were called Aunty and the Ji is a term of respect. I wondered if it would then translate as Madam? It was always used in a very relaxed and friendly way. I loved my time there and I think it showed

That's just reminded me my ex husband always used the term pet for me When I was living amongst a West Indian group they all presumed it was my Christian name so everyone called me Pet

I refuse to call anyone anything else. That's your name surely? Why would I say Mrs..... Miss...... I think its a very pompous thing to want to be addressed in that manner.

I have to ring people as part of my job, some of them I already know and some I don't. I tend to look at their age and if they are older than me (I'm 57) so over 60 I would call the Mr or Mrs initially, if they are younger or same age I use first name. The exception is if it is a foreign name then I use the one I am most comfortable with hopefully getting the pronunciation right. I am not selling anything but providing a service to people who have already registered with us.

I worked on a psychiatric ward in the early 2000's as a ward clerk, and we always called each patient by his/her surname. The young ones preferred to be called more informally, but to many of the older patients it was a sign of respect. By the way, I still meet some patients in town, and it is Mr or Mrs ----, or a friendly given name if one of our "boys". My Mum always called her neighbour Mrs K-, until the day before we moved away after 8 years when they finally called one another by their given names!
I just hate it when someone calls us "guys"!

I have kept my own surname for about 20 years, mostly to do with work and being known as 'XXX XXXXX' However now I am older, health professionals add 'Mrs@ to my maiden name.

I sometimes feel like I've turned into my mother or even my paternal grandmother!

Some of you have commented on the sad loss of politeness, respect and formality in society. I personally love good manners and taught my son good manners. It saves a lot of problems, if you are mostly polite, you wont swear, use rude terminology without thinking of the feelings of the person/people you are talking with, etc....

I agree with mazgoli that it's only polite to ask first how a person prefers to be addressed. It annoys me particularly in hospital when health workers call older people by their first name, usually in a patronising tone and volume, a name which they've read from paperwork and written on a board behind the bed. My father-in-law was addressed as Henry by nurses young enough to be his grandchild. He never went by Henry. People who knew him called him Harry. The same went for my mother-in-law. She was given Mary Lilian at birth but was always called Lilian. To hear nurses and doctors call her Mary was galling, especially when I reminded them over and over that she was not called Mary! I wanted to tell them she was perfectly lucid and intelligent and not a child, too! People of their generation wouldn't consider contradicting officialdom so they put up with yet another indignity. What's wrong with Mr and Mrs? Those titles and names confer respectability and are on the official forms too and not likely to offend.

When I was at school I had a friend by the name of Shirley, and as a joke we called her Shirley Bassey. My mother addressed Shirley's mother for years as Mrs Bassey until one day the poor lady had to tell her the truth, she was Mrs Unwin.

Another point raised bu Jane10 (what was it like living in Bangladesh?) is the Aunty prefix.

I have 2 aged aunts, one said long ago, oh call me by my Christian name. The other prefers 'Aunty XXX'.

Enjoy your Saturday evening Gransnetters