You really can't..........

When i was a child, we had a rhyme in our house, of impossible things.

One fine day, in the middle of the night
The ocean caught on fire
The blind man saw it
The deaf man heard it
The man with no legs, ran to get the engine
The engine came with three dead horses
Ran over my dead cat and half killed it

I remember dad and I one evening proving that all those things were technically possible


But - you can't slam a revolving door

Feel someone else's pain.

Talk out of your posterior.

Laugh on the other side of your face.

Go to town on the spring cleaning.

HurdyGurdy, our version of that (from school, if I remember correctly) was

One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords
An shot each other.

My granddad was fond of saying

'I see' said the blind man
to his deaf and dumb daughter.

Probably not acceptable wording now, of course.

My favourite was my son "wearing his legs down to his knees."

Jump out of your skin
Swallow your pride

"I've got my eye on you!"

Eat your words
Make a pig of yourself
Turn the air blue (think we might have had that one aready)

Ana not heard that one, but Grandads were always a rich source of old sayings, mine used to say 'a wink's as good as a nod to a blind horse' .

Turn green with envy
Be gobsmacked ( unless somebody does actually smack you in the gob)
Have two left feet
Keep an eye out

Pull the wool over someone's eyes.

Wind your neck in.

Tie yourself in knots
Sharpen your wits
Fly into a rage

Push up daisies

Give a damn.

Speak for yourself *Lona&

Die of boredom

Ana Full version is
"I see" said the blind man
To his deaf and dumb daughter
Who was sitting at the corner of the round table
Sucking the dry end of a wet carrot.
But as you say not acceptable any more!
You can't
Put the oven on

You cannot-
Boil a kettle
Be Over the Moon
Go to the ends of the earth
Nothing (except hair products) is enough to make your hair curl
Your stomach cannot 'turn'

You cannot walk to the ends of the earth for someone. Or bend over backwards unless you're a contortionist . Or spit tacks.

Button your lip.
Zip your mouth.
Turn yourself inside out.
Meet yourself coming back.

Knock into the middle of next week
Have eyes in the back of your head
Feet of clay
Spit feathers

Try the patience of a saint

Cry your eyes out