What weird phrases do you use?

I thought it was 'couldn't stop a pig in a passage' ( bandy legs) although in the UK nobody has bandy legs now.Inspector Montalbano does though.
No, I don't use odd phrases and think they will die out with our generation as the younger ones don't use them or know what they mean.I don't think that 'dragged through a hedge backwards' is an odd saying but a sensible one!

If I complained to my mum that I had spots, she would say 'no man will get down off his horse to look at you'

May I just add a French one which always makes me smile:
"Il y a du monde au balcon" exclaimed when a woman shows ample cleavage. It means something like "Cripes, there's a crowd on the balcony!" It is not meant as a compliment!!

We get "balconnette bras" from that expression, I think.

Alima yes, she used it for both genders.

One or two I've used for a few years:

"About as much use as a chocolate Teapot", or "About as much use as a chocolate Fireguard"

For use when asked about the weather, my Grandad had one that went along the lines of:
"It'll either rain or go dark before morning!"

Can't remember which family member said this one, but if as a child we were to ask what are we having for tea, the reply would come bacK;

"Legs of chairs and pump handles"

I can remember one or two similar, but they generally had less publishable words!!

When we asked what was for dinner we were told either "three jumps at the pantry door" or " a layer for a medlar".

When I was a child and my mother was going out I would ask her where she was going, the standard reply was "There and back to see how far it is".

"It may be only an inch out but think of that on the end of your nose."

and

"It's as black as night over our Bill's mother's" ....there is a storm brewing.

I just love, 'fur coat no knickers' . Not sure where ' red hat no drawers' came from, but it was used by my mum!

Oh I recognise so many of these sayings. One my mother used, whenever we asked something, and I've never heard it anywhere else is "let me and my heart take counsel for war is not of life the sum." I still use it from time to time. It usually brings things to a halt and gives me time to think.

Nice to have a good giggle first thing in the morning. I remember so many of these sayings.
I also remember a couple from my mother "She's no better than she ought to be" and "flighty little piece" come to mind. Anyone else heard these or did Mum make them up?

Whenever I asked my late dad where he was going it would be "To see a man about a dog!"

Aren't these wonderful!
Durham pal uses,"No show without Punch", Wiltshire friend,"Fred Karno's Army"-Fred was a silent movie film-maker and the films were all slapstick.
There's a very moving Victorian or Edwardian poem,"Christmas Day in the Workhouse" about an old pauper who has lost his wife because the workhouse would not take her in at Christmas, so he has some strong words for the workhouse guardians and their,"charity"
I have heard it as,"Fine words butter no parsnips" which I took to mean,"Talk all you like but it won't improve matters"
Keep them coming folks, this is lovely!

I had a rather stern old-school maiden lady colleague when I joined the Inland Revenue in 1961 and she used to say "Steady the Buffs" if things got a bit hectic.

I never knew what it meant but always supposed it had something to do with an army regiment. She alternated that with "Steady Barker" but I have no idea who he was!

If some task such as sewing isn't finished perfectly, "It won't be seen by a blind man on a galloping horse." I used it the other day and my friend had never heard it before.

'Fur coat and no knickers': All top dressing and no substance.
'Standing there like one of Lewis's':Doing nothing, but looking busy, like one of Lewis's department store (Liverpool) staff.
‘Money in fair words': Refusing to reveal the cost of something.
'A blind man on a galloping horse won't notice': When something wasn't perfect, but 'would do'.
'Bullshit and feathers': DM's favourite curse.
If I asked what was for dinner, it was always 'Pig's bum and jam on toast'!
Around here it was 'Couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel'.
But best of all, and I still use it today, if my DGM didn't believe what anyone was telling her, she'd say "I've heard ducks fart in deep water before"!
I'm beginning to think my family weren't what one would call 'refined'

kathyd
Snap!

My father had some choice and hilarious sayings but these days they would all be labelled by words with the suffix 'ist'. They were also often uttered in accents which would attract a sideways look by an Islingtonist. He used to chant:-

'Out in the jungle
Living in a tent
Better than a prefab
No rent!'

Says OXO on the back of buses but they don't sell it

These have made me chuckle. I remember when asking whats for dinner '3 jumps at the cupboard door and a bite at the latch' and 'He couldn't stop a pig in a gantry' Also 'shes no better than she ought to be' there and back to see how far it is' and on asking about where someone was going on holiday being told 'Wor Gate at bottom of wor garden!'

My MIL used to say 'Stop mithering about' and 'It's just according'!

Uncle used to say 'She had a face like a slapped arse'! Two more of his was 'Get thi arse in gear!' and 'She'd turn milk sour'!

'were' not 'was'

My favourite of many my dad used is "if I'm not back for 11 wind my watch up" heaven only knows what it means but I like it as a daft saying.

Gagagran - "Steady Barker" was the catchphrase of the comedian and actor Eric Barker - 1912 to 1990 - who also appeared in many of the Carry On films. Much of his comedy was in the days of radio rather than television when he starred with his wife Pearl Hackney.