Tell me it will be okay!

So sorry to read about your situation ELLAKEAT, yes we never know when our lives can be changed in a blink of an eye. When you reach a time or place in your life when you feel happy & contetend without responsibilities, it is perfectly understandable that you would be feeling as you do.We always paint a worse picture than it may actually be. Try to take a step at a time, and perhaps see what outside help/ groups associations their maybe available in your area for your mum. Also perhaps be cautious in time & help you give her intially, so that she doesn't get to rely on you for company etc all of the time. Goodluck, & best wishes

Thank you norose and sorry for all the typos in first post, typed too fast under stress!

Just waiting for them to arrive. Dad still in same condition, thankfully my brother is with him at the moment, but i will need to make th long journey to visit tomorrow.

My stomach is churning. I need to get a grip, dont i?

Oh Ella what a lot to cope with so suddenly, of course you are nervous anyone would be. When things have calmed down a little sit quietly with your husband and take stock of the situation. Don't try to do everything yourself, get and accept help where it's available. Take one problem at a time and care for yourself too.

No problem,Ellakat, I didn't notice any spelling mistakes ( possibly I make the same ones?) Deep breath, take it a day at a time & don't be afraid to speak up & say you are unsure if something will work or not, & don't shoulder all of the responsibilities. It's easier to add extra later but much harder to stop doing something once started. When I was growing up my gran came to live with us ,I was aged 7 ! It was decided I would have to share a bedroom with her( she didn't like being alone!!) my sister had a room to herself! hence why I say take your time & primaraly arrange things that suit you best , that way hopefully it will lessen the loss of some freedom that you are currently (understandably) concerned about , big hugs, be strong

Oh dear I hope your dad improves and that you can sort through your MiL's problems. It's awful to feel so overwhelmed by things you have no control over. Drive carefully tommorow.

So sorry to hear about your dad. Take some time in the next few days to reassess things, just one step at a time. I wish you and your family well. Xx

Ella That's a lot to have to deal with at once, but I'm sure you will manage. Take a deep breath and go and see your dad, while your husband looks after his mum. Then, together you can decide on your next move.
Don't rush any major decisions.

My mum was called Ella

That's sad to hear you are being pulled in all directions Ella, but other posters are right to say it's natural for you to feel concerned about future events, especially the MiL situation.
My husband and I were told by another family member that there was "no alternative" but that we should have MiL come to live with us. My husband would not allow it, (we are both busy working and would have had to adapt the house to accommodate her). I'm sure your husband has thought things through and wouldn't have wanted to put you in a difficult position, but you do need to tell him how you feel about the arrangement long term.
I hope things with your dad improve.

Ella the advice already given is right.
If you can pause to draw breath.
Tomorrow visit your father.
And then perhaps seek advice from age uk & citizens advice.
My MIL lives in sheltered accommodation
The lady next door moved in at the same time as my MIL
She had to leave an abusive situation and had been given a sheltered flat as an emergency.
She had family but wanted her own place with a safe front door that the sheltered flat gave her
Eight years on she is still living there quite happily.

If you give your MIL a home right away ( not just somewhere to stay till things get sorted) then authorities will see it as problem solved.

When you get some facts around you, re what your MIL is entitled to you will feel more in control & no longer being swept away on the rollercoaster
Good luck

Just want to say that there is lots of good advice here and that you will cope - it's what we do! Please come and tell us how you are all getting on.

So sorry to hear about your Dad - I guess that has to be your priority at the moment. Time to tackle the MIL situation when you know how things are with your Dad.

We had a similar situation with my FIL and we did resolve it in the end - firm but kind was the route we had to go down.

Just concentrate on your Dad for now - lots of good wishes to you and your family.

Thank you all for your lovely messages.

MiL is here, just had tea and settling down for the evening. The dogs have been relegated to the floor ?

Visiting dad tomorrow and just taking the weekend to let things settle. Next week we will need to face up to the future.

I will no doubt be back to have a good whinge, but thank you so much for your support.

EllaK I'm off to bed, but couldn't read and not post. There's a quote by Winnie the Pooh that's doing the rounds at the moment that says 'You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.' Probably apt for the situation you're in right now.

ellak, sounds the right way to go. It's understandable to have the impulse to rescue your mother in law, but please do think of the weekend as a time to draw breath rather than the beginning of something permanent. If there is a Refuge near you there will be a phone number you could call for advice about next steps. Perhaps see your home as a Refuge? Women (and men) move on from them. The CAB can advise on financial issues. I am sure your mother in law will be grateful for the comfort and safety you offer, if your husband agrees talk gently about lack of permanence but be careful not to panic her. One step at a time. Your dad has to take priority over decision making at the moment. I really hope you find him stable when you visit with a hopeful prognosis. As ga says, you will get through it, we do find the strength. Please come and tell us how it all progresses, offload if you need to, no one will mind. Take care of yourself, too.

Oh, big hugs for you today,EllaKeat.
Yesterday my head was buzzing like a hive but I couldn't catch MY bees . I was given support on here , just a few words of steadying advice . Later on in the day , my hive was under control .
My daughter, too , is coming out of an abusive relationship . Women's Aid, the Police and the social work department have given her huge support , advice , practical and legal advice . I never knew that such help was out there ( Maybe because I shun asking for help). I'm sure they'll help in your situation , too. Take it, they're fabby . x .

I was going to suggest Women's Aid too.

Just as things can change for the worse in 24 hours so they can change for the better, try not to feel swamped because often things do work out better than expected. I am sorry to hear about your dad that is a worry........

Have you got a large mirror in your house? Go and have a look in it and see what a wonderful person you and how kind and know that karma will find you and support you, when you least expect it.

Sending love .............

Not had any experience, but I agree with you I would feel anxious about it to. If it was me I would sit down all 3 of you and chat about expectations and find out how independent she wants to be I.e washing her laundry/ cooking etc then discuss a way for it to work so you all fit in and have your own space.Ground rules are a must and must be done from the outset before someone is upset by something then it's harder to sort out. Good luck

Ella please dont feel bad about your feelings, we would all feel the same way. We are here to help you

as I know how it feels when the roof falls in on you and your own expectations of a life without responsibility suddenly dissapear ..hope all goesxwell today with dad

Ella 6yrs ago my husband had to collect his sick father and, after making sure his mother was ok having been taken into hospital with bronchial pneumonia that morning, he had no option but to bring his dad down here. He lived with us for 6 months before finding a bedsit in sheltered accommodation. It wasn't the easiest time as I was running my business from home and husband out at work. But I found out what financial help he was entitled to and once settled in his own place he was so happy and so are we! CAB are there to advise as is your GP as you may be deemed to be a carer if your MiL needs looking after. Every cloud has a silver lining so it is said and it is true - hopefully the lining will shine through soon for you all.

EllaKeat Take a deep breath. It might not be as bad as you think it will be. So sorry to hear your bad news. Parents get old the same as we do. One day your children will have the same responsibilities as you.

If it looks like it is going to be full time care for your Father that is needed get a professional in. Do not be blackmailed in to doing what you find impossible to do. That will cause resentment.

Anyway, I hope your Father feels better soon. You know you are doing the right thing by your MIL. How could you leave her in an abusive relationship, I am sure she is very grateful to you for taking her in when she needed help.

I hope you will find that MIL is a Godsend when your GD arrives. Children and old people usually get on very well.

When MIL arrives be sure to get advice from something like Age Concern about paying for clothes and other things. You can sometimes get more help than you thought. Not sure what you do about money, you may have to take over Power of Attorney or something and she definitely needs to talk to a solicitor I would say. Sometimes the council/social services can offer help too.

Thank you all so much for your support, it really is making me feel stronger and not quite as selfish and guilt ridden as i was last night.

Barbaralynn, thank you, that is just what i needed to hear ?

I will keep popping back and updating if that is okay. Just writing it down seems to lift a load!

Many thanks to you all.