Daughter and sister

I'd stay well out too!
It may all blow over but as no one likes to be painted into a corner so "least said, soonest mended". Let's not go down that road of "controlling behaviour" leading to "counselling" and "therapy"

^ He sees it as his father undermining him.^

and controlling?

I think your daughter was right. Maybe she wanted her daughter to self fund through college. It is not up to the Aunt to give money directly to the daughter.

We have had a similar situation in our family with a grandfather giving a very substantial sum to children just out of their teens without asking the parents. This has caused great upset to my son-in-law. He sees it as his father undermining him.

I'd stay out of it too, they both sound stubborn.

If you try to mediate, they may both turn on you.

I'd stay out of it. They are both adults and don't need you to mediate.

Probably your sister should have asked advice first from your daughter, but quite honestly I think your daughter is being ridiculous and your sister responded like that because she is upset.

One day that little girl will grow up and perhaps want to go to university and won't be able to afford it because her mother was too proud to accept the money.

Everybody has different approaches. I let issues self sort.

This isn't OPs problem. It's a problem to her DD who received the hurtful name calling email.

That's not really 'handling things' though, is it? It's taking the easy option.

Because that is how I handle issues, I'm laid back and let things sort.

It will all sort if you leave it be.

How do you make that out Norah?

It will all sort if you leave it be.

However, as a mum, your DD is the only one involved in college funding decisions. I too would be upset if my Auntie sent a hurtful and name calling email. Auntie should apologize for dreadful behaviour.

It is overstepping the mark, but I can think of worse things to be offended about.
What a shame they've fallen out over it, but hopefully they'll sort out their differences.

sunseeker. Sorry.

I see that I am in agreement with susseeker and ilovecheese.

Your daughter was ungracious, but I do sort of see her point.

May I make a guess that your sister is single?

You are in a difficult situation and I agree with sunseeker, to say give it time. But I am with your daughter on this one, it was not up to her Aunt to open an account for another person's child, without discussing it first. Maybe if your sister could understand she has been a bit out of order, albeit with good intentions, they will make up in time. Especially if they see that it is upsetting you.

I would give it time - wait until they have both calmed down a bit and then speak to them individually and ask if there is anything you can do to mend the rift between them. If they have previously had a good relationship they may both be looking for a way back without losing face.

While I'm sure this is painful for you, however I would never tell her to apologise.
She is an adult and a mother. She is more than capable of deciding what type of relationships she chooses to maintain.
Your sister majorly overstepped and then insulted your daughter.
If your daughter chooses to continue to have a relationship with her Auntie then it's down to the two of them to navigate.
If she chooses to cease having a relationship again that is her choice.
If you force your hurt or opinion on her then you risk her being hurt and in turn distancing herself from you.

What a sad situation with you metga1265 right in the middle. I think they are both as bad as each other because even though it was a lovely gesture of your sister the email was unnecessary. But it would be so sad if they fall out permanently, so I agree with granynot it's probably best that your daughter apologies, hopefully your sister will do the same in return. Good luck. Hope it gets sorted, life is too short for this.

metga what an unfortunate situation, but I don't think that you can do anything about it.

Having said that, I'd be very frustrated with my daughter if I were you! Even if it was a bit presumptuous (or maybe your sister likes surprising people with gifts) it's a wonderful gesture. Your daughter should have put her own feelings/opinions aside and graciously accepted the gift on behalf of her daughter. If it were my daughter I'd be telling her to make the first apology for acting in haste.