Malapropisms

On holiday with three other friends as a teenager - I felt hungry and announced that I was "ravishing"

Funnily enough I'm sure I've used that for "starving" as well, whitewave

Should have said "ravenous " bell

Yes, of course ! ?

One of my aunts was famous within the family for her malapropisms, many of them medical. She looked after her eldest blind sister who had been taken to hospital after a fall because they thought "she might have fractured her pelmet". On another outpatient hospital visit the transport people were looking for a Mr Someone and my lovely aunt helpfully suggested that he "might have gone to the palmistry". She was lovely and never really minded that we laughed at her mistakes and had a good laugh too when we explained.

MIL had a builder round about some building work. She told us it would need a lentil to support the new window.

A work colleague of my husband, taking about his very pregnant daughter, said ' She's going into hospital next Monday to be seduced'.

When I was 23 Iwas in a Birmingham hospital for several weeks. Most of the other women were elderly and very Brummie! Sadly a woman died in the night and another woman said, in a broad accent" they give 'er artificial perspiration but it dae do no good"

My nanny saw the cherryopodist/ chiropodist and the thisalo/ physio.
My friends friends husband had ammonia/pneumonia
She has an incliner chair, departments in her handbag
And bought her husband a cd for Christmas from the HIV shop.

What a brilliant thread ! Making me laugh out loud x

Yes, it really does cheer you up.

A friend told me she had been a posthumous (proxy) godmother!

I've been in hysterics reading this thread. What a wonderful way to start the day. I've read some of them to DH between bursts of uncontrollable chuckling and he started me off again telling me of his aunt who loved horses douvers before a posh meal in a hotel.

The other day I was discussing the Egyptian pyramids with my grandson and told him that a mummified body was then placed in an oesophagus.Cue much laughter from my daughter who had overheard from the kitchen!

My nana used to have evacuated milk on her tinned fruit. I notice that one poster had dislocated coconut, well my nan's was desecrated! !

DH just told me another; same aunt who loved horses douvers asked for gatucks. The waiter offered a selection of gateaux. She replied, ohhhhh, gatto. You want to get these reprinted son, it says gattucks here.

Another of my mother's (not strictly a malapropism)
The cooling towers on the Wolverhampton road were so well camouflaged during the war, that if you shut your eyes, you couldn't see them!

And what about all those men who have "prostrate" problems?

My Mum sadly suffered with vascular dementia before she died and couldn't remember words correctly. We never corrected her, just smiled to ourselves, but now some of those words have become part of our family vocabulary, so if people hear us they must thinks we are daft.
Varicose veins were vicus veins
the paracetamol man was the paramedic
and the colonoscopy was called a colonial!

I once had lunch in a restaurant which advertised 'Open crap sandwich'.
I had the cheese!

Oh I don't blame youNannanoo

My granddaughter came up with the best one. She was told the apple pie was slightly warmed, but told her mum ," dad says the apple pie is scartly wormed.

I too have been laughing out loud, especially at the ejaculaing pilots, which I read out to DH.
My grandmother used to say a lot of malapropisms. She drank 'typhoid tea' and when she cooked the walls would 'run with condescension.' We also have some deliberate ones in the family (overheard said by others) such as saying 'It's quite imperial to me' and wall paintings are 'Murials'. But the funniest one Ive heard was years ago at a laundrette where a woman told me that the driers were a bit erotic today.

When she saw a woman cosying up to a man, my Auntie Sheila used to say, "Look at her fornicating round him". Not sure whether or not she realised what she was saying.

My friend once said her neighbour was erotic. I think she meant erratic!