Baby Showers

A South African colleague organised a baby shower for me with a group of close female colleagues. It was just a lovely relaxed lunch, with small gifts of a baby music CD, nappies and just lots of well wishes. I didn't have the chance to see much of them after my DD1 was born and so in a way it was nice to have the chance to spend time together before it was all hands on deck with the baby.
I've also been to baby showers of American and South African friends, it really was just a friendly gathering of friends and very symbolic of the network of support that you need when you're going through this stage in life. The American one was more about party game-playing and placing bets on the future baby's weight, sex and time of birth etc, which I honestly find all a bit OTT, but still overall it is a pleasant way to spend an afternoon.

Wow, this has been a remarkable journey! I searched on Mumsnet and it would appear very few people are in agreement, the mums included. One mum-to-be had loads of invites sent out by her friend and only her neighbours, 2 work colleagues and close family came. There really doesn't seem to be a hard and fast rule and I'm rapidly going off the idea of even attending.

However, I have come to a decision. The baby will be born in Cornwall and goodness only knows when I'll get to see it (I only see my great-niece once or twice a year). So I'm going to finish the playmat and give it to her at the shower. I did look in Next today but the cheapest body suit was £7 and the quilt hasn't cost anything like that, since I already had most of the fabric!

Thanks everyone for your contributions. I fear this will be an ongoing argument.

Now, relax and b-r-e-a-t-h-e

Growing up in the 60s and 70s... I had my senior year (age 18) prom, not anything as extravagant as they are today... yikes, things have gotten out of control! My boyfriend and I went out to dinner (you get a lot of grown up attention if you are in formal wear) as you do, then to the prom for dancing. After that we changed to shorts and tee shirts and drove to the beach to crash out in sleeping bags with about twenty other couples after a beach bonfire, roasting hot-dogs and marshmallows. Those were the days!

As people did not live together before marriage, we had bridal showers to help the new bride set up home. Anyways, now people don't usually need home essentials as they probably already have their own homes or are living together.

I much prefer a bridal shower to a 'hen night' or bachelorette party as they do there. Hen do's here make me cringe. And to expect someone to fly to Ibiza or Vegas for it is very cheeky. My niece had three in one year and it drove her broke. My soon to be official DIL is having a local spa day, then dinner out. No drunken revelry on the cards.

Baby showers are useful... usually given in the 8th month when we know all would be OK. Nappies and other baby consumables that get expensive as time goes on were the usual gifts, not posh baby outfits. Women who knitted would make layettes or receiving blankets, etc.

If it's her first child, it's an almost-final chance to do something adult for quite a while. Take something along for the Mum as things will be all about the baby for months if not years afterwards. I do like the idea of your playmat but keep it till baby is born.

It's a lovely ladies only party with some games, food and small gifts. Have an afternoon of chat and laughter with family and friends. I think the size/value of gifts depend on whether you expect to see the new baby fairly soon after birth or not, for instance my daughter had one where friends from work who were not going to see her again for a few months brought gifts, but some close family members who would be around in the first few weeks brought nothing or food.

I really dislike baby showers too, and would never go to one again if I could avoid it.
A closer friend of my daughter's had a baby recently and her "Best Friend" organised it and told everybody that only gift vouchers from certain shops would be acceptable - very mercenary I believe... Most of the guests ignored the rule and took presents.
It turned out the the mum-to-be was not aware of the gift ruling and was very grateful for the lovely gifts that her real friends brought for her!

Why oh why do we have to follow America and then adopt their traditions. I am thinking not only of baby showers, but of the highly commercialised event that is Halloween. Many things are driven by big businesses and I read recently that Easter is now nearly as big as Christmas with cards, presents and Easter Trees! Then there are those ridiculous cards celebrating nebulous things eg to grandma on Mothers day!!The world is sometimes a very shallow and easily influenced place.

I could never understand proms and baby showers - all imported from the USA. I am very old so these don't appeal at all to me, certainly not my children - bah humbug!!

Would it not be more appropriate to share the joy of the 'new born' than the 'anticipated.'?
Christenings can be formal and mainly involve relatives
and I can well remember how my DD's felt after the birth of my GD's and how they missed the company of their friends.
So what better than to have your shower 'after' than before.?

Friends in the village i used to live in announced that they were expecting a baby and made it clear "Mummy to be" would bE accepting pregnancy gifts as she was so proud of herself and felt she deserved a treat.I gave her....... my congratulations but then this was the same woman who made her boyfriend re in act the proposal as she wanted it done in front of friends, he really should have ran for the hills then.

My suggestion is knitting a "Strawberry Hat" (see Sidar Early Arrivals No 2) These hats NEVER fail to be the ideal present for a Baby Shower, daughter's friend's new baby, niece's baby etc etc etc. Easy to do and SO much admired (and not too over the top!) [I know it says early arrivals, but these hats fit very prem to 6-12 cmonths]

That should say strop.

My Grandsons pregnant wife has fallen out with her sister who wants to organise her a babyshower. She has said time and again she does not want a shower but the sister aided by her Mum won't accept that it's not her decision to make. Grandson and his wife hate the idea of their friends and family members feeling obligated to supply a gift. They much prefer people give a gift if they choose to, when the baby arrives.
So the sister now is in a big stroke because her opportunity to have all the praise and attention for her organisation skills. Ridiculous!!

We have had them for people at work. We all gave small gifts such as a bottle of baby bath, talc, wipes, nappy cream, vests, babygros, that sort of thing. We also clubbed together for a more substantial gift (as per usual). Just sent flowers at birth. Not a big fan myself of baby showers though.

I have gone to a few and I usually get some nice bath/shower things from Body Shop for the mum to be

I went to a baby shower 40 years ago, in Canada The expectant mum's best friends and family arrived with home baked goodies, small gifts and flowers. It was a lovely evening and full of fun and laughter. The original concept was never material gain.

I flew to England for my DGD's baby shower as I had never been to one before. But I dont think I would go again.

It was my DGS's partner's baby shower in early March and my DD asked me to lend her £100 for her to attend it. She promised to pay it back on pay day. But then on payday she said she couldn't afford to pay me it all but I have still haven't received anything and she is not talking to me.

Maybe we British could start our own 'Baby celebration' and make it clear on the invitation that we do NOT expect guests to bring any presents. That way we can go and enjoy the event without worrying about what to get? Present could be given afterwards of course.

Surely it is safer to wait until the child is born before you start celebrating. Suppose something happens and she loses it or it is still born? Dreadful thing to happen I know but it is made worse when there is all this baby stuff to dispose of. I know, I have been there. When you do get something don't get bath stuff or creams or anything like that because these days new Mothers are very 'to the book' or 'Mumsnet' trained. My little GC cannot have bath stuff because it brings him out in a rash, and they do not like 'blue for a boy pink for a girl' things. I would wait until the birth and then give something like a sleep sack. Always useful but you need to know what Mum prefers so might be an idea to ask first. They are also not keen on anyone getting Christening clothes for them as they like to choose their own, so be careful what you get. It is an American tradition I think, not a British one.

We held one for someone at work who was going on mat leave. We made up a lovely hamper of things for her (bath oils, a pretty nightie etc) and also some small gifts for the baby. We had to hold it in the local pub as it was after work but we bought along a home baked cake and decorated the table with balloons etc. It was an enjoyable evening and I know the mum to be appreciated it.

You would be expected to take a gift and the placemat seems a nice idea. It is just a bit like a tea party with baby gifts. I think you would probably enjoy it if you go but just make an excuse if you don't fancy it. You won't know unless you try it though.

I attended my one and only Baby Shower 6 years ago for my American daughter in law. It was organised by her American friends and it was joyous. Gifts were NOT expected. I had made a small quilt for this much anticipated baby. We played some games, got to know her wider circle of friends and generally celebrated the upcomming event. It is not generally a part of English culture and my daughter who attended has decided not to have a Bridal Shower, because she feels that her friends would feel that she was asking for extra gifts, like the OP

Don't get me started on baby showers! It's another "all about me" situation!

My DIL had a massive one ..... My eyes were watering when we went into M&S to order the food!
"How much" I was muttering to myself, for a plate of sandwiches??
I literally sat outside in the sun while my DS & DIL were ordering but I'm proud that I didn't comment.

And yes I'm a dreadful MIL who didn't attend .... We don't live near them and I had a prior engagement!

I don't think this is an American import, and I don't think this is a 'middle-class thing'.

I can remember similar events, can't remember what they were called, in Scotland in the early 1970s. It was family events, so my grandmother, mother, aunts, and their close female friends. One of my aunts would be the new mother. There was tea and cake and gossip, and gifts were hand-knitted matinee jackets and similar (my mother was a fantastic knitter). Or some bibs. Nothing big, nothing expensive, just a 'minding' - as a small personal gift was known then.

I think I would find a shower with a gift list very presumptuous. And yes, grabby.

I know I am an old fuddy-duddy, but I think that I would worry about the outcome - some pregnancies don't make it to term, or problems arise, and I guess that if it were me I would want to wait till the babe had safely arrived before celebrating - this is what comes of working in hospitals for so long!!