Grandson smacks his mummy.

Every time he does it, instead of tapping him back, why doesn't she just pick him up, put him in his bedroom and leave him there for 5 minutes. Surely by hitting him back (albeit probably just a light tap) it is telling him it is OK to hit people.

He's a bit young for explanations or 5min naughty step stuff. Take both hands, pull them down gently and say very firmly but simply NO! No smiling or interaction just repeat every time happens.

I agree -even "tapping" him back says it is not wrong. It is distressing, but any sort of distraction,or catching his hand and tickling, turning it into a big hug/cuddle might help. Wrapping him up in a big towel /fleecy throw for that big cuddle to pin his arms in? They could pretend he is a "parcel and they are going to post him to Granny" -that used to occasion gales of giggles after bath time from my DDs and now DGCs!
Not hugging or kissing when she leaves for work is best ignored for the time being. A friendly "bye bye mummy" might be much easier on him if he does not want her to go. Save the kisses and cuddles for the happy return.
Good luck.

So she's teaching him it's bad to hit by hitting?
Pot? Kettle?

He's 1. He's still driven by his impulses. The main thing here is patience.
If he does it tell her to look him in the eye say no and stop whatever she's doing with him, walk away and do something else.
Go wash the dishes, fold clothes. Make a snack.
Do something that completely removes her from him.

Hold his hands down, look him in the eye and say a very very firm No. She should NOT, under any circumstances, hit him back, however gently.

Little ones often do this and need a firm message which includes modelling good behaviour rather than stooping to a toddler response. It also includes rewards for good behaviour.

I noticed my 18 month old GD had started to do this and when this happened my DD took her hand and turned it into a caress and gradually my GD has started to copy this.

Yes, I suggested not tapping him back as it does give the wrong message. Thank you for your input, I found it helpful.

naughty step should be one minute for every year of their life so two minutes time out if he does it .Dont ever hit back just move his hands away before they make contact and say no

Say 'Don't hit' firmly but quietly and move away from him immediately. Give him no attention for a while after he does it.

Agree strongly with all who have suggested 'hold hands down' - I might say, very firmly, STOP as opposed to no....
Please no more hitting/tapping from mummy

Half my post missing there - how did that happen?
Stop would not be 'shouted' but just said very firmly.
Then immediately move on to something else

I've seen that so many times - "naughty Mummy!" then a slap.
I think the idea of catching his hand and turning it into a caress is a good idea.

First time my younger daughter did this I was rather taken aback and I instinctively looked at her sharply and moved away from her (we were on a sofa). I sat looking ahead for a few moments in a withdrawn manner and very quickly she got the message that she had done something wrong. I had a chat with a childcare expert a few days later and evidently I was 'withdrawing my love/approval' and that was what was needed. Never smack back or over react.....just calmly step away and ignore for a moment....the loss of attention, affection should be enough. As soon as the child shows any sign of regret/remorse says sorry etc then you can reconnect and pick up where you left off.

'Tapping' or smacking back just reinforces the view that it is OK to hit someone.

Lots of toddlers go through the biting, hitting or scratching phase and they do grow out of it.

I would hold his hands down firmly and say 'no', looking him in the eye. If he giggles or wriggles then repeat 'no, we don't hit'. It may take a few times but he should get the message.

Oh yes and the same 'withdrawl' approach works if the little one bites.....she did it once but never again after Mummy did one of her cross faces and stopped reading the story.

Tapping is a euphanism for smacking and is completely off the agenda how can you teach a child not to do something if you do it to them
He won't kiss or hug her when he goes to bed or when she goes to work but does at other times
He doesn't have the words to say it but his actions are saying DONT LEAVE ME
he's a baby he s learning how to communicate if your daughter ' taps back' she's teaching him that's how you do it
It all sounds perfectly normal it's her cue to teach him how to communicate nicely

He doesn't have the words to say it but his actions are saying DONT LEAVE ME
Absolutely, Bluebelle, I was trying to find the words to say that and you have put it very succinctly.

Similar to what I had recently read about dogs and am applying with my dog, who barks and acts aggressively to vacuum cleaner. Not that I want to make children equal to dogs, to me, children win every time. But tne idea is not to engage in aggressive reaction, ie. no smacking. Quite the opposite, stroke the dog/child, praise them, get hold of their hand before they smack you, kiss and hug them. Talk gently about something else altogether. There´s many that will say it doesn´t work, but it does, if you persevere.

Never smack back. If holding set him down immediately and walk away from him. If sitting, get up and walk away. You need to shut down any communication/eye contact for obviously a short period of time and go and be busy doing something else.

Did anyone see the Gogglebox episode a couple of weeks ago where the family who have all the big dogs (One is called Dave) were playing with their toddler and baby grandchildren. The baby reached out and smacked her big brother in a typical 'trying it on' sort of way. The toddler started to grizzle a bit so the grandmother shouted at the baby

It wasn't very nice to see.

I'm always very worried about those huge dogs with litte children merlot - I know they all think the dogs are safe but I hate the way they're allowed to lick everyone and climb all over the furniture...

polyester I never tried vacuuming my dogs although I did have one who never liked the hairdryer after being bathed and used to growl at it.

sorry, could not resist.

Ana if my dog had been much larger than the hairdryer I would not have left him alone with a small child, although he was not normally aggressive. DD used to dress him up in hats and scarves and put him in the dolly's pram, but if he was guarding a bone he could have been quite aggressive to anyone who challenged him. If he had been bigger I would have not left him with a small child.

ps and I don't think he was left with a child anyway.

Never hit back - she should stop that immediately. It might be good to explain to him that hitting hurts and you shouldn't hurt other people. It sounds as if he isn't happy with her leaving him so maybe she needs to talk to him about this and tell him how much she misses him. Perhaps she should also stop asking him to kiss her goodnight and just give him a quick cuddle herself. It is amazing how even very young children pick up on someone's need for affection and withhold it. It makes them very powerful.