The Topper- been there done that.

My ex and I had a Topper par excellence when we worked in the film industry. He had to know how much we paid for our house so he could top that - I banned my exH to tell him and annoyed him hugely by refusing to tell him, only that it was within our budget. He kept asking me if it was more than what he had just paid for his, and took delight in telling us how much he had paid.

He was wary of me - we came from the same town and when he realised that I had gone to the top school in that town and that I knew the school he went to was a very minor public school he couldn't top that!!

He even asked why the wheels on his BMW was shinier that the ones on ours. on our wedding day he said his navy and white two tone brogues were much better that the tan and white ones that exH was wearing! He was always pointing to well known logos on his clothes, we used to call him Lacoste!

He was once hosting a beach party at Cannes for his company which was publicising a dire film about Ronnie Biggs the Great Train Robber. He always asked what I would be wearing to any event we attended together, to make sure his wife could upstage me! this particular day he was very anxious that she would be noticeably better dressed than me, I told him a silk dress by a particular designer. He went and bought his wife a dress by the same designer, but couldn't get a silk one but that polyester was much better as it could be machine washed!! What I didn't tell him was that mine was bought in a sale in Hong Kong!

At this party I was horrified when out of a large cardboard box filled with promotional T-shirts jumped the 12 year old son of said criminal!! He had flown him from Brazil to promote the film. His wife and I were then told to look after this child for the next few days, who was being hounded by the press, and Special Branch were hovering. I have to say the son was a lovely boy, and when I later heard him on TV as his father's carer I could see he had grown into a charming, caring young man despite his flaky upbringing.

Sorry, off thread and not trying to upstage anyone with name dropping! This Topper was one of the most vile people I have ever met and I could wax lyrical with dreadful anecdotes about him.

I have a friend like yours HG15. She never stops talking and it is always about herself, what she's been doing, her wonderful daughters and grandchildren etc. When she starts to speak she hangs on to the conversation and doesn't let it go. She doesn't listen if you try to respond. It's a great pity because she loves socialising and she is a generous person but people avoid her because she is a selfish conversationalist. The funny thing is she often says she talks too much.

Oh yes, I've got a friend like that, if she can't go one better herself then she knows someone who can. Failing that she changes the subject abruptly. It's as though I'm not allowed to be happy, sad , ill, etc . I sometimes think it's a form of jealousy

I suppose you could class the Toppers as being in the same mould as the 'Belittlers'. My late husband was a belittler - if I cooked a nice meal, he would poke his fork in it, and laugh in a scornful way, he was the same with almost everything.
Looking back, I think he was affected by NPD. Narcissists are very difficult people to live with.

My late MIL had me climbing up the wall.She had the nack of putting a damper on everything myself and hubby were planning to do.She always knew someone who had been there done it read the book bought the teeshirt.

The last straw was when we were able to afford our first continental holiday.She had us convinced although never having been there herself we would come back with every disease known to man as Mrs so and so down the street had when she went abroad.

A neighbours' new girlfriend was trying to tell me what I should do to improve my kitchen to sell the house. I said that I was happy to listen to all her ideas as long as she backed it up with giving me the money to do it. I think she got the idea that her poking her nose wasn't welcome. If I want advice, I'll ask for it.

when i was first married all those years ago [1969 if i remember right] my next door neighbour was a topper. yes, every ailment my family or friends had was topped by one of her family or friends. if i had a cold then this friend had pneumonia - if my husband had a cough then this friend had bronchitis.
if i remember rightly this neighbour had three children and a henpecked husband. the two older children left home and, finally, so did the husband! leaving her with the youngest child who was a bit of a mummy's boy.
she moved not long afterwards so i never found out what happened to her. but i'll never forget rita!!

It's called, I believe, the "Alright Everyone - Attention Back To Me, Me, Me!" syndrome......

I've got a Topper but of a slightly different kind. Unfortunately for her she develops some kind of ailment - or falls back on her (long-standing) anxiety/depression/IBS/migraines - every time I'm below par. It was DH who pointed it out - talk about not seeing the wood for the trees!
How about when she asked me to cook for her party (12 people) when I was waiting for the results of some invasive medical investigations (and may've needed an op)?!
I have 2 (gorgeous) sons, she has 1 daughter. She frequently tells me her relationship with DD is extremely close, thoughtful etc and that I can't possibly have the same kind of relationship with my DSs - there's nothing like mother/daughter bond. Perhaps she forgets I'm a daughter?

I definitely know a Topper whose every experience is better than mine. She is a great cook and I always go to some trouble to prepare her lovely, high end meals on the basis that she will apreciate them. Every time she tastes something I've cooked she praises it and then recounts the lovely time she had it better in a 'special' restaurant or by someone whose auntie was related to Rick Stein.

She is also, like some of the Topper friends of above posters, a seriel talker, and monopolises the conversation with Topping tales of Her Wonderful Life without drawing breath. Her audience is invited to share in every (dull) detail of an experience as though 'in real time'.

I think she definitely has some aspects of a NPD.

Sadly, though I like her really and have been friends with her for over 30 years, I almost cannot bring myself to meet up with her this year as I cannot bear the onslaught. It is awful as she is a clever woman who is not full of the usual PC, virtue signalling nonsense many women feel it necessary to adopt and I really would like to have a conversation with her if she would only take it in turns!

Just remembered my husband also has a friend, male, who tops everything people say to him. Been all over the world, buys only the best clothes, knows everything there is to know about computers (not!), gives lectures at the U3Age (because he thinks he is an expert at everything). Now I know better because I used to work for him when in the Civil Service and his office used to stink in a morning for obvious reasons, he used to say and do things that he would be pulled up about these days not being PC, such an overbearing big-head and he used to tell whoppers! My OH does not like him either but he is one of a crowd who dine together once a month so just puts up with his nonsense.

A few years ago a friend of ours had a neighbour who loved showing her new acquisitions. One time it was a Lowry print which everyone had to go and admire. He later invited her round to show her an 'original' painting he had. She went round to see a painting-by-numbers he had just finished, hanging in pride of place in the living room. Exit one annoyed neighbour. ?

Haven't read all the posts so someone may have already mentioned this, but it is possible that your friend has a narcissistic personality disorder. I recently met somebody whom I can't avoid because of what I do. She just does not draw breath in talking about herself, her doings, her success, how well she is regarded etc. People like that are often damaged by their formative experiences. It came home to me when I picked up a book in our local library called 'it's not you, it's your mother'. It is about how you cope when your mother has an NPD. My mum doesn't by the way! However, the woman I have mentioned jumped off every page. The only way to deal with such people, who are emotionally very draining of course, is to give then a wide berth if you can.

In my case it is not a friend it is one of the MILs my sons have. Drives me mad. Been there done that, didn't like it, hate the food, horrible hotel, but it doesn't stop there. She does not think twice about criticising other people, hideous dress, too much make-up, you mention it they have two.

Some people just enjoy being mean and miserable. I do not see the point myself.

phoenix try though he may....

phoenix!!

When it came to illness my ex husband was definitely a topper.

If I had a cold, he had flu.

If I had a cough, he had bronchitis.

If I had a headache, he had a migraine.

I think it must have been the bane of his life that he couldn't quite manage period pains........

Indeed no I do not refer to anyone on here - its a golf friend- she is technophobic so when asks where I bought something and I invariably say 'tinternet' she says 'load of old rubbish' so that's me told.

Oh I see . Penny drops.

Mine aren't so polite and tend to use the F word . It used to really upset my mum who was very prudish.... I tried to tell her the more she showed them she was shocked the more they would say it!

Thank you kittylester

Trump - always trumping. Which has entirely different connotations in our house!!

Of course I have you lovely, lovely people on Gransnet kittylester and annsixty

Call me stupid....... All together now...... "STUPID" but I don't get Absents post about Donald

Do you also have the copier?
Not the same friend but we have friends who, in the days when we would do things {now long gone) whatever we did they would do.
I can site, buying a caravan, redoing the dining room, having a conservatory as the major things, and they were always bigger and better than ours.
Please be my friend gilly if any of mine read my posts I will certainly need new ones.

Good one absent

I thought we were all your friends gilly

I don't have any friends kittylester so it must be me.

I only ever race to the bottom (not sure if that counts?)

Bit of a Donald don't you think?