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No regrets? Or too many to mention ?

(89 Posts)
paddyann Fri 12-May-17 11:53:00

I've done things I'm not terribly proud of of course I have ,I'm "normal" but I have only one real regret .It haunts me and has done for 40 years even though I've tried to change the outcome, with no success .How do you cope with regrets ?

NanaandGrampy Fri 12-May-17 12:04:54

I can honestly say I regret nothing.

Not because I've lived a perfect life , I've made mistakes just like everyone but regret for me is a waste of time. I cannot change the past and I think in some cases to change what I regret would affect other areas of my life and I wouldn't want that.

I'm the sum total of my life experiences. I like me .

What is they say - the past is gone , the future is anything I choose to make it and the present is a gift - savour it .

If you could change the outcome of your regret what would the knock on effect be? What do you have now you might have missed? I'd say to you - enjoy the here and now , its yours to make of what you will.

Marelli Fri 12-May-17 12:11:00

We have to live with them, paddyann. I have a very deep-rooted regret, that time seems to make even worse, but I try to take a deep breath and do what I can to do something that might help someone who's having a bit of a struggle. I don't mean to sound patronising or 'holier-than-thou', when I say that.
Nothing can change the past. We can only try to change our future, I suppose.

Anniebach Fri 12-May-17 12:23:30

I have some regrets but one which still after forty years still hurts, nothing I can do to change it, not even say I am sorry. I have to live with it.

One evening my husband was leaving for work, we had a disagreement, I can't even remember what it was over. I went upstairs to check our little ones were sleeping, closing the landing curtains I saw my husband was walking to the car, he waved and blew a kiss, I ignored him. He was killed that night.

Luckygirl Fri 12-May-17 12:37:00

flowers for you annie - life can be so tough; but we are all only human.

My biggest regret is that there was not enough dosh for me to learn the piano - I had to choose between that and singing lessons. I have taught myself piano - but have no real skill - but I sing endlessly and it has been the greatest joy of my life.

angelab Fri 12-May-17 13:05:14

So sorry to read your regret Annie.

Mine is trivial in comparison but still brings tears to my eyes: when my younger brother (aged 4?) goaded me, saying I couldn't make him cry, I deliberately pinched him really hard and yes, he did cry. I feel so mean even now, 55 yrs on.

grannylyn65 Fri 12-May-17 13:07:28

Too many!

Anniebach Fri 12-May-17 13:09:43

Thank you, I only put in the details in the hope it may stop anyone else doing the same

grannypiper Fri 12-May-17 13:13:55

Annie[flowers). My biggest regret is allowing my EX to treat me and my children the way he did BUT if i had left him before i did i would never have been living where i was when i divorced him and would never have met my wonderful Husband. I know that every day my ex will churn through his mind what he has done and i know he will never ever be content and that makes me smile every day.

Willow500 Fri 12-May-17 13:30:30

Annie that is so sad flowers I have regrets of things I've done or not done over the years but as they've not affected anyone's lives apart from mine I just get on with it. All part of life.

DanniRae Fri 12-May-17 13:34:56

Annie I am sending you some flowers

I have a major regret that I have had to live with for 47 years. I wish I could say more..........sad

Anniebach Fri 12-May-17 13:40:56

I knew a Mum who gave her son a ticking off before he went to school, he was a victim of the Aberfan disaster that day,n . Don't mean to be so depressing, just saying do give a take care or something when someone leaves you

Christinefrance Fri 12-May-17 14:20:42

Annie that is so sad I sympathise with you flowers
I have regrets, things I have done or left undone but I can't change that now. I don't dwell on those things but try and do better and be kinder to people. I'm not always successful though.

Ana Fri 12-May-17 14:23:57

I have regrets too, and the older I get, the more I seem to remember...I know there's no point dwelling on past mistakes/wrng decisions etc. but sometimes it's hard to just shrug them off.

paddyann Fri 12-May-17 14:33:02

NanaandGrampy the only person changing the outcome would affect is me,its my peace of mind that it affects sometimes daily sometimes when special days come around.Its something I've always kept under wraps around family and friends but it still makes me sad and regretful that it happened the way it did .Sometimes it creeps up even when I'm not thinking about it at all .

NanaandGrampy Fri 12-May-17 14:44:02

That's so sad Paddyann , because from the sound of it , it's become a barrier to your happiness . Is there nothing you can do to give you peace?

Maybe writing a letter you burn outlining your regret ? Or talking to a confidante? Someone who can share the burden?

PRINTMISS Fri 12-May-17 15:04:12

Annie, such a sad story and regret to live with flowers.

mumofmadboys Fri 12-May-17 16:21:07

I'm sure Annie your DH knew you loved him. He would also have regretted the fall- out. Think of the happy memories and forgive yourself.x

Jalima1108 Fri 12-May-17 16:34:54

Annie flowers
I am sure he knew that you loved him

I am sure we all have regrets but do not live with regret for things you cannot undo.

My cousin said 'never go to sleep on an argument' and I suppose the same is true when someone goes out or you yourself go out.

Anniebach Fri 12-May-17 16:36:15

mumofmadboys. I have no doubts he knew I adored him, I just want to help anyone not to make the mistake, I always said - take care- when he left for work, just that one time I didn't . I don't dwell on it but sometimes it comes to mind, so I play the last record he bought me 'She'. Love the line , can turn each day into a heaven or a hell . grin

Anya Fri 12-May-17 16:46:21

Oh Annie that is so sad and I know you've mentioned this before. Music is so emotive isn't it? There are a couple of songs that were played at a funeral on New Years Eve 2008 that reduce me to tears. And yet, those same songs can bring a sense of peace afterwards.

(((hugs)))

Cherrytree59 Fri 12-May-17 17:56:15

Oh Annie my blood ran cold with both your postssad.
Better to have love and lost than never to have loved.

I will try to remember your advice.

TriciaF Fri 12-May-17 18:04:08

Annie - probably he didn't even notice you ignored his kiss - that's what men are like. Forgive yourself.
I often regret marrying my ex, my parents warned me against it, but then I would never have had my 3 lovely grownup children, plus grandchildren.

Sar53 Fri 12-May-17 18:06:44

Annie so sad flowers. I have one very big regret that goes back 26 years and every so often I have a sleepless night over it. I cannot change things and I try to be the best person I can be now.

Maggiemaybe Fri 12-May-17 18:44:02

(((hugs))) Annie, and thank you for sharing your advice. It's certainly made me think, and I will try to remember.

Something made me run back and give my mum an extra goodbye hug on the doorstep on what proved to be my last visit. I'm so glad I did.