No friends

I would recommend something like U3L - I joined a craft class three years ago in my local area and there is now a table of ladies who all joined at the same time and who have become friends. When I look after my DGD I go to a music class with her and afterwards lots of mum's go to the cafe - every week I look longingly at it but don't like to go by myself as even the other GPS who go seem to know the young mums. It's really hard to go in alone when others look connected yet if I never go I'll never know! I've just finished an online course on the science of colours which said blue is the best colour to wear to make friends so maybe I'll wear my blue top and go next week!

Hi Betty
I'm in Birmingham if you want to talk

I may as well have had no family or friends. Apart from my elderly husband we are alone.

Butterfly1954 I am the same as you. Disabled and caring 24/7 for my husband who has dementia. I get out to Mind while my husband has a sitter but that is it. It is so upsetting and mind battering that you feel useless and not worthy of friends. It is very demoralizing and has caused me to have a social phobia causing anxiety(hence going to Mind). I would love a friend I could visit on my mobility scooter for coffee but at the moment I pay to have a lady come twice a week for a couple of hours, or what i can afford. They are a great company to contact if you live in Harpenden/St Albans area it is called Nannies 4Grannies and it does exactly what the title says.

Dear me there are a lot of us out there in the same boat it seems . I'm also an only child, left my childhood town when I was 8 and then my husband and I moved from our home town when we were in our early 20's with two small children. The friends I made in that town I lost when we subsequently moved again to our present home over 30 years ago although I have recently made contact with one of them but she lives 60 miles away and doesn't do social media so we don't speak very often. I have never worked in an office environment with other people having being in business with my husband and son for many years and then working from home on my own for the last 14 years so have never built up a social circle. I am close to my sister in law but she doesn't live here and is taken up with her own work and caring for her small grandson. One son and his family are 2 hours away and the other is on the other side of the world in NZ so there is just my husband and I. I did belong to the WI for some years but found I felt like an outsider due to their social networks and ages so left earlier this year. The joint friends we had drifted away when we became carers for my parents as we had to turn down invitations from them. Both parents have now passed away so we seem to be completely alone. Having been married at 17 with a child I'm not really someone who enjoys going to pubs and clubs in a huge crowd as it was never a scenario we had back then. I'm facing the prospect of losing my job at the end of the year due to a company takeover and seem to be looking down the barrel of a very empty future with another 2 years before pension age which is a bit scary!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds themselves with either none or very few friends, I was beginning to think it was just me.

I lost all my school friends when my family relocated to London from the North of England when I was 15. Took me a long time to make new friends and eventually I got married and my husband didn't like any of my existing friends, so over the years all our friends ended up being people he knew from school or worked with. That worked well until he left me and most of the friends stuck with him and his new partner who was also a work colleague.

Of the few left, one emigrated to South Africa, another to Australia and some years ago one went to live in Devon and I only see her about once a year.

I did go to evening classes at college a couple of years ago and met some lovely people and did see a couple of them after the course finished, but they have now both moved away!

I've got quite a number of phone friends, but that's not the same as having people round or having people to visit. My OH isn't very sociable and can't understand why anyone would need a friend. I've come to the conclusion I have forgotten how to make friends as I know I can make conversation with anyone and frequently do but it's making the next step that I struggle with.

On top of that I suffer badly with anxiety and I think that probably has some bearing on why I don't push myself into friendships as much as I should.

EmilyHaburn, your post is very helpful, and gives some good guidance on how to make friendships. Be proactive!

There are congregations is some places NON religious that just meet up on Sundays like achurch and sing together then stay and chat............I know of a couple of friends who really, having no one, have found these a great support. I think they are going to be a real thing of the future, people get to meet a cross genrational group of people who have an agenda to be friends.

I haven't got the links handy but if anyone is interested PM me and I will chase them up for you. One hired a theatre in London a couple of weeks ago and there is one in Kent Tonbridge area I think, but theyare springing up in other places. Wish there was one here. I live in Glastonbury plenty to do but have done the charity shop thing and it is ok for company but not friendship as such, we have lots of groups to join here but very expensive mostly and not always my cup of tea. U3A didn't have any groups of interest for me .........

We also are in a rural area with no bus service to speak of (well not if you want to say anything nice) and I don't drive in the dark now........I do have freinds but not the ones that can ome close to those I have lost.

I have no friends at all, I am disabled and cannot get out on my own and the few people I knew made excuse after excuse and in the end I stopped trying. Being old and disabled is horrible, I am the sort of person who would do anything for others but I am last on everyones list people life is so unfair.

Hi I live in Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire and would love to meet up for a coffee with someone, I am 57

I joined a rock choir over a year ago, and have met some lovely people, you dont have to be auditioned, or even be able to sing, everyone welcome, I could go out every day of the week if i wanted to attend their different group, we are like one big family, i would recommend it to anyone as you end up feeling happy and elated after a session, the only minus being a monthly fee of approx £30, which is a small price to pay for the joy its given me. I am sure there are other choirs about which are free to join, just check local area on fb, churches, etc

i moved 30 years ago with my now ex husband 100 miles away from where i was born and brought up. i had quite a big circle of friends where i was and thought it would be easy to build up another one.
however this didn't happen. when i split from my ex the friends that we had made sided with him [i grew away from him and they blamed me for the split even though it was amicable].
i worked at a school on the admin side and didn't really make friends of the people i worked with - apart from one girl who became my best friend.
when i retired i lost touch with the people i'd worked with and we have no contact apart from birthday and christmas cards. we don't actually have anything in common.
three years ago my best friend died and although she and i had also included a couple of other ladies in our group only one other and myself are in touch now and go out for lunch now and again.
everything is compounded by the fact that i'm virtually housebound at the moment waiting for a knee replacement op. another factor is that i'm retired and living on my pensions and dla [which latter i may have to give up after my op].
two years ago my daughter and two grandaughters moved in with me as my daughter's marriage broke up but i'm still on my own.
my brother moved to america and married again and my sister alienated my brother and myself over things which happened when our parents died.
i'm one of those people who don't need other people to be happy - i can happily occupy myself pottering around the house [with lots of rest in between jobs at the moment] but i would love to have more friends to chat to and meet up for coffee.

Any North Londoners out there? I'm in Muswell Hill, and there's a new, very local U3A starting up here. First meeting at the Moravian church on Wednesday 14th - think it's 10.30 - 12 noon. I may go.

I'm an 'only'. I had best friends at school but not now though I keep in touch with many school and college friends. I'm also in touch with those I used to live near as well and we go out for meals together but none of them is what I would call a 'close' friend. Does it matter? Sometimes it does but mostly it doesn't. I'm fortunate in enjoying my own company and although I like a chat and a catch up I wouldn't want to be in constant touch. Oh dear this makes me appear a right old grouch!

cornergran Mon 12-Jun-17 08:40:17 Our situations are similar, but I don't get lonely for female friends as I have a lovely SIL and DIL, and believe it or not, my cleaner! She is a good friend of my other stepson and though in her early 30s, we are very close, sort of mum/daughter.

Stella14 Mon 12-Jun-17 10:22:50 That's interesting you say that as I grew up in the US. It's common for people to move around and make new friends when they relocate (especially for study or work) as distance often makes regular contact impractical. Here in the UK I find that women (and men) try to keep childhood, school and then uni friends close throughout their lives.

roger71 that is so sad - I would love to meet up with you, I am a cat person too and I am so sorry to hear about your horrible neighbour. Whereabouts do you live?

Due to an odd childhood where my parents moved constantly and went through a horrible on/off divorce from when I was aged 12-18 I attended 14 different schools, one more than my 13 school years. I was very gregarious as a child but became more and more reserved and being a book fan became immersed in reading rather than socialising.

I met my 'bestie' when I was 20 and married him. Together we made quite a few 'couple' friends but see them rarely.

However, having retired early from taching after stress and illness I have become very isolated. I have no friends at all to talk to. I could remedy this by volunteering or arranging to meet old teaching colleagues but I have dropped out of the habit of socialising. Also, the political leftward leanings of most middle class women mark me out as some sort of pariah as I am not a socialist.

I read a lot, listen to the radio and engage online but I cannot but feel that sometimes I am lonely. The odd thing is that I don't even know for sure if I am.

Luckily both of my children are sociable and have many friends and some close ones though my DD sees them in person and my DS, like many young men, 'meets' his online. I like to think that, had I had their calm and steady upbringing, I might have been more normal.

I am in the same position turned 60 was an only child ,the women that I do know have husbands so socially they go out with them , I live in York which is quite expensive due to it been a tourist place so tend to stay on the outskirts rather than the centre,all my friends have emigrated or moved vast differences away , I moved here around 15yrs ago I too have no friends which I think can make you feel very miserable.

I think perhaps the small group of close 'girlfriends' for older women is an American myth!

Hi bettyboo try and connect with school friends or x work mates

www.facebook.com/notes/friends-reunited/finding-your-old-school-memories-and-classmates/421566797901686/

waves at Charleygirl - I'm near to Wembley, but still working full time (London Bridge).

I have lots of aquaitances and a few close friends. I am very reticent about sharing my problems with others but I know other people who chat about everything and are very open. I think friendships takes a long time to build and you often need a shared history, understanding and you need to trust someone. Big plus for me, is if you can Laugh with them Remember in the Reader's Digest "Laughter is the best medicine", alway use to read those bits in the dentist.

I belong to a large International Women's group with a constant changing membership but I find if I attend an event being with other people raises my spirits. I am friendly with everyone but having made so many friends who have moved away I am careful as it leaves a big hole in your life when they do.

I think if I was in the UK I would start a Gransnet or similar group. Plus join U3A. When starting a group you find some people come a couple of times and then disappear ( maybe because they are not a group person)so you just have to keep advertising, inviting people etc until you have people who are committed to the group. Also you have people who don't want new people to join the group so you have to set an example and always be welcoming and open to new ideas.

A few people have mentioned coming from Service families and my father was in the Navy and we lived a long way from the extended family, so it was difficult to make long term friendships and the norm was that people moved on.

Same here, I have many old work friends who I meet for lunch occasionally, in fact I am doing so today, I have a couple of other groups I attend but havent any real friends with whom I can confide, my best friend is in the UK.
However thanks to GN I have a few lovely ladies who I write to and can confide in, so thank you Gransnet

i to have no friends nearly 75 in not to good health, only company I have is my cat, even the next door neighbour and wife doesn't even speak, in fact he has threatened to poison my cat with milk and antifreeze, I have no family at all, I would love to have someone to talk to, or sometimes go out for dinner, or a picnic, I do drive, Christmas is the worst for me I se or speak to no one,

Where are you grandmaMia