respectful parenting

I actually think the reason that people are attracted to these sort of parenting ideas is because they know how the methods of the postwar years made them feel....

that sounds like me when I'm trying to lose weight ..... only I say 'no no'

But they do chat about things that interest them and obviously icecream, chocolate, biccies are very interesting

Ok but the basic mistake (in my view anyway) is that many parents think of their children as mini-adults, with the same thought processes, powers of reasoning etc as their own. So they expect their child to give a logical reply.
I remember listening to my firstborn talking to himself when he'd woken up from his rest, he must have been just under 2.
He was saying all the things he liked to eat. eg
"Ice creams hehe, chocolate, hehe, biccies hehe," etc. That was his conversational level.

and there is a difference between forcing a child to eat something they dislike and putting one small spoonful on their plate and suggesting they try it before deciding they don't like it because they don't like the look of it.

However, do not do that to me with tripe or tapioca.

I've been thinking about this and I can understand 'respectful parenting' in a way:
listening to your children and having conversations with them, finding out what they think and feel in a chatty rather than a probing way, that way they may well learn to confide in you when they are older. How do babies learn to talk if not having a two-way conversation with an adult?
Not shouting at them which some parents seem to do constantly.
Not walking at your speed so that a toddler has to run to keep up (unless you are in a rush, of course).
Making sure, as paddyann says in her post of 10:33:59, that they are not forced to hug and kiss people they are not sure about although I am sure they could be asked to peck a wrinkly old granny or great-aunt on the cheek.

Guiding them on the right path to becoming responsible adults does involve learning respect for other people and that involves the child having respect for a parent and learning that the parent may have more wisdom than a child too.

However, letting a child take total charge is not the right way and if this is respectful parenting then they have chosen the wrong name for it.

If you are not allowed to be alone with your DGC or even to pick him up Tiggersuki I would suggest that this shows a lack of respect from your DD for you!

Lisalou I read your DD's list when I was eating my breakfast and had a good laugh about it

So, what about when they finally get out into the world of employment and come up against a boss who makes it clear that he/she is the one who pays them to do as they're told and as such THEY are the ones who demand respect?

And these Princes and Princesses are damn well expected to give it?

I don't understand how anybody has the time or the energy to read all this stuff with a new baby. I was just exhausted. Even if I'd had time too read it all I wouldn't have taken it in- too sleep deprived!
I do believe children should have a voice and be listened to once they are old enough to express views, but they also need to realise that somethings HAVE to happen and much as they might object you just have to get on with it.
Interestingly enough my DS and DIL are much stricter than I was, which is great as I am regarded as the one it is easy to get your own way with.

A new fad. and so easy to get the wrong end of the stick.

Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting Kindle Edition
by Janet Lansbury (Author)

As a new parent I did want a guide to refer to so that I could take responsible action if a problem arose. In my day it was Dr Spock.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-14534094

Janet has a blogg so I am sure you can find out lots more from it. It would seem to me from a brief reading its about helping kids to understand their own feelings by acknowledging them. No doubt to help the development of a more confident sociable child and a greater emotional intelligence in the long run.

www.janetlansbury.com/2017/06/the-very-best-way-to-bond-with-a-child-a-grandparents-story/

I have never heard such rubbish. Don't take any notice - pick him up anyway. Sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep quiet. I would have to say something. Too much pampering and pandering to children is bad for them. I hear parents running about after their kids, - asking one year olds - do they want to eat this, do they want to do that ? NOoooo!! Just tell them what you are all doing. They need direction and guidance at these young ages.
We brought up four boys very successfully - I certainly didn't pander to their every whim - we were a family doing things together and teaching them to respect each other's wishes and needs- but we were in charge. Now they are all excellent empathetic team people, not self centred individuals expecting others to run round them.

When I was working with children and families, one of our key messages was 'parents run families, not children'. As has already been said, a choice of red or blue tshirt, orange or apple, juice or milk etc is fine. It helps toddlers who are at the stage of learning I Want doesn't always get.
I'm relieved my adult children and their partners are willing and able to establish routines and set a boundary or two. It's not rocket science is it. Children thrive with consistent routines and boundaries, with a bit of flexibility. ?

There are a number of "young" people (20s-30s) in the public eye these days who are so "up themselves", and now I know why!

True, Ana, but could lead to it.
As someone said earlier, it's lazy parenting.

Treating them with kid gloves, being over-protective and seeing danger lurking round every corner is not the same as allowing children to make their own decisions about every single aspect of their lives!

I'd love to see how some of these children who have been 'respectfully parented' turn out. And yes, what about school etc? Or are they home schooled? (only if they choose to be educated, of course...)

I wonder if it's a consequence of the change since the 50s from having no control over having babies ( apart from withdrawal). You took what you were given and were grateful. Then came the cap then the pill, which gave us the choice.
Unless you're religious your babies are planned and recently some seem to be "trophy " babies.
So they tend to be treated like little princes and princesses. As the person said who described the situation with only children in Singapore.
So some parents treat their offspring with kid gloves.

What a complete load of cobblers. I too, like another poster here had a look at Jane Lansbury's site, or whatever it's called, and ..... well, it's just drivel isn't it, and she charges $150 per hour, but can't take any more clients until August 2017.
Good god - that means she's actually getting paid to spout this utter bilge!!

On the positive side our GC's are now learning about tax, national insurance, pensions and the world of work - pity it doesn't seem to be covered in the 'respectful education' in schools these days!

Can hardly believe that Newquay how absolutely ridiculous of the parents to allow such a thing. Some things never cease to amaze though .

PADDYANN&JACKSMUM i have lived in both the S.E of England and Scotland and know that these are 2 very different places, Children dont play out in the S.E and i think part of the reason is that neighbourhoods are full of strangers , people dont know their neighbours so those neighbours dont know who's child is who's so dont have an interest in the child. If a child was misbehaving the adult would not know how that childs parent would react if they told that child off or if the child fell and hurt themselves and they picked the child up to carry it to the parent, no doubt the parent would panic as a stranger had their child in their arms.
In Scotland neighbours talk, we know the children, we attend their christenings/birthday parties, wave them off to their first day at school and we know when they have scored their first goal.

A friend of mine was a primary school teacher. One day a prospective parent saw her to explain that her (only child, a son) chose which name he would be called by each day and Mum had to guess the name and he would only speak to her when she had correctly guessed. She came to tell my friend it would not be a problem as she would make sure she found out his "daily" name before he came to school and she would tell her when she brought him to school!!
Friend said that child was enrolled as "Paul-or whatever it was" and that was the name he would be known as. There was no problem with his name at school-poor lad! What a wus for a Mum! I would love to know how he gets on now as an adult.
Just who is the adult round here? Sometimes you do wonder don't you when you see some children? Very sad. Especially on the hugs front.

How are children supposed to learn how to make decisions if they are not shown? This is insanity again. A gradual introduction as mentioned above - what colout t-shirt etc - by all means. But really, asking a 2 year old to have an opinion in ridiculous.
How about your children applying respectful parenting to you!

wow PADDYANN i wish the children here could play like your children do, i live in the South east but parents do not feel safe letting their children play on the streets ,

I was a primary school teacher in a deprived area where families led chaotic lives and many children were left to their own devices. I found that without exception they really appreciated being given boundaries and many actually preferred school to home as it gave some structure to their lives. I'm still in touch with some of these kids, who have grown up to be adults who would be bewildered by "respectful parenting"!

The world is going mad!

I dont know where you live jacksmum but my street is full of kids on bikes and scooters or playing football then they run up to the end of the road and play amongst the trees and head to the park...kids as young as 3 on a summers day .In winter they sledge on the wee hill behind my house .I get peed off answering the door to boys asking if they can go into my back garden toget their footballs...not that I mind them playing just that I keep telling them just to go get it and dont keep knocking the door .

OMG why oh why cant some parents just let their children be just that,, children,, their childhood is so restricted nowadays, no playing on the street with friends, no going to the park without an adult, they have such a restricted childhood and so many grow up way too quickly just because some parents want them to behave way above their age.

Oh my Goodness !!!!!!
Respectful Parenting ?
This is a recipe for absolute disaster. All I can see is a bunch of children growing up having absolutely no respect for anyone. Children need boundaries and structure.

I cannot help but wonder, when these children grow up and possibly have children of their own, will they practise Respectful Parenting themselves?
I suspect that because they have been so spoiled and selfish, they will be intolerant in nature and that they will not have the patience to put up with their own child making demands on them.
My heart goes out to you Tiggersuki. You give that dear little grandson of yours a huge hug whenever you can