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respectful parenting

(81 Posts)
Tiggersuki Fri 16-Jun-17 16:39:37

Anybody have children practising respectful parenting with your grandchild? I am not allowed to pick up my grandson, am not trusted to look after him or be alone with him in case I am insufficiently respectful. He is two and a half now and I have never been allowed to babysit or have him to myself.I might give him an unsolicited hug!

HildaW Fri 16-Jun-17 16:43:34

Have never heard of 'respectful parenting' is it something from the U.S.?

MawBroon Fri 16-Jun-17 16:52:34

Oh dear, another loopy fad.
Of course nobody wants "disrespectful" parenting but this does sound like another snowflake recipe for "little emperor" disasters.hmm
Hard to keep the lip buttoned but I suppose you will have to.
My sympathies.

ninathenana Fri 16-Jun-17 17:04:19

So are you being a respectful parent by sticking to their rules or are they being respectful parents to your GC ? confused
Where is love in all this.

Nanabilly Fri 16-Jun-17 17:32:48

I am going to have to Google this but it sounds American to me .wacky!!
Can't imagine there being much living and cuddling going on . Asking for trouble later in life in my opinion.

Nanabilly Fri 16-Jun-17 17:47:34

Just had a quick read of a respectful parenting website..basically it's treating your children like adults,letting them choose what to wear ,what time to go to bed,how to have their hair, if they want to eat dinner or not. They make the choices of how to live their little lives.ok in some things I suppose but what about when they start nursery or school the poor things will be so confused when they are being told what to do .what about when you take them to a wedding for example of a restaurant or shopping centre.??? Nothing about holding hands though and cuddles.
Did anyone see the little brats on tv with Ruth and eamon holmes where the parents had no control and the kids were wild. Reported heavily in the papers and my opinion if it's not done right it will be chaotic if it can be done right at all. rod and own back are the words that spring to mind
Not sure I would go along with it

pensionpat Fri 16-Jun-17 18:22:37

Children can be given too much choice/power. I overheard a man say to his very young daughter " I like this one, but Mummy likes this one. Which do you think we should buy?" They were discussing the purchase of a vacuum cleaner! Good grief!

HildaW Fri 16-Jun-17 18:49:24

Oh Lor Nanabilly....that way madness lies. I was a Pre-School leader and saw only trouble and endless problems when parents refused to be the grown-ups in the relationship.
I could write chapter and verse as to why it is a dangerous and scientifically unsound approach.....but I simply cannot be bothered.

BlueBelle Fri 16-Jun-17 18:57:51

I ve never heard of this I m glad it hasn't made its way to my part of the world Parents need to be parents not friends or subordinates to the child
Is it US thingy?
Totally out of order of the parents to not allow you any contact Have you got any other grandkids or is the only one? Sounds really difficult for you I m afraid I d have to say something to them sounds completely loopy let's hope the school sorts him out or will he be home schooled so the awful teachers don't disrespect him Gosh poor kid is going to grow up to be a male diva

gillybob Fri 16-Jun-17 19:09:07

Sounds like the Aldi advert pensionpat I could imagine my son having that kind of conversation with his girls though.

M0nica Fri 16-Jun-17 19:13:55

Just googled it and in principle it sounds like the parenting methods most of us will have used for donkey's years, caring for our children, noticing their individual needs and traits of personality and supporting them.

However, it does sound very cold and clinical, talking to children as if they were an adult - yet researchers say babies learn language by the bibble babble of baby language and nothing, that I could see about cuddles and love and interaction between parent and child, the parent seems to be the child's servant and not allowed any personality of their own.

As I understand it, if your very young child chooses only to eat icecream and wants to walk to the shop naked from the waist down, you respect their views and choices and let them do it.shock

I think it is a money spinner for the author of this new fad way of parenting, almost every site had her name on it.

M0nica Fri 16-Jun-17 19:15:18

Just read the OP again. The baby can solicit a hug from her, but she cannot solicit a hug from himconfused

annsixty Fri 16-Jun-17 19:21:49


NanaandGrampy Fri 16-Jun-17 19:24:14

ann ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Granof11 Fri 16-Jun-17 19:28:06

As a long time parent and grandparent I thought I'd heard it all but this takes the biscuit. I always thought respect was a two-way street. Silly me.

phoenix Fri 16-Jun-17 19:51:14

What absolute testicles! (Me being polite)

So sick of all the fads and fancies attached to bringing up babies/children.

Elrel Fri 16-Jun-17 20:31:55

One of these achingly trendy parents is OP's own child. How did their relationship descend to this regime? How very sad, no credibility given to sensitivity or common sense. Just one way respect according to the rules, someone is seriously insecure.

Jalima1108 Fri 16-Jun-17 20:54:11

annsixty says it all!

It makes my sayings redundant:

'Just who is the adult here?' and
'Just what part of No don't you understand?'

No Granny cuddles unless instigated by the child - so no spontaneity in parenting or grandparenting at all.

Actually annsixty didn't say it all because I have put my two penn'orth in too!

Luckygirl Fri 16-Jun-17 21:52:38

Children need boundaries - end of.

vampirequeen Fri 16-Jun-17 21:54:30

I hate this fad. Fortunately my DDs haven't fallen for it but some of their friends have. It must be so painful for you Tiggersuki flowers

MissAdventure Sat 17-Jun-17 00:01:43

I think my daughter has a pretty good idea how I'd respond to respectful parenting..

absent Sat 17-Jun-17 05:43:36

I think โ€“ and also thought when my daughter was young โ€“ that it was a good idea to let children make unimportant choices as practice for the time when they would have to make important choices. Do you want to wear the red tee shirt or the blue tee shirt? Do you want chicken nuggets or fish fingers for lunch?

In terms of respect, I always reckoned the easiest way to learn the please and thank you thing was never to forget it myself. So, at bath time, for example, I would say "Please will you stand up now" and say "Thank you" when absentdaughter did. Easy peasy and the process became automatic for her.

Apparently respectful parenting doesn't apply to adults and their parents. I am pleased to say absentdaughter has the utmost respect for me as a parent, an adult, a professional and a grandmother.

P.s. My youngest grandson (recently two-years-old) claps his hands when his mum turns the car into my drive because it signals a "granna day". She would too, but her hands are on the wheel.

Harris27 Sat 17-Jun-17 09:13:14

Been in childcare fir fifteen years and what a stupid way to be !! We have to adhere to eyfs guidelines it's all about the child but what happens when that child becomes an adult? Surely respect love and confidence is the basics it's getting past the point and so am I???

jacqui67 Sat 17-Jun-17 09:16:07

This sound like an excuse to let the little darlings do as they please instead of parents being parents.

sue01 Sat 17-Jun-17 09:19:57

This isn't just a problem here. We were in Shanghai recently and it's a real problem in China.... where the legacy of one child is currently biting them on the bum.

What has happened is that the precious single children... who have been cossetted and spoiled throughout their lives... are now growing up and taking their place in the community.

And frankly they're a nightmare !

They're so used to being feted and adored, that the minute they don't get their own way, all hell breaks loose.

Imagine this in a working environment !

And because spoiled boys are marrying spoiled girls... the Chinese are having to face another challenge too... divorce.

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