Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Hold on people I do have a job to go to and yes I do have a first aid certificate and yes it is a trendy retirement home with a bar and coffee bar for the use of residents and relatives but you have to be a retired seafarer to get in, pleased to take the job on and can easily be bribed for a lock in

Love all animals so very happy to meet Gerard the ferret or whatever his name is and no don't have criminal record unless getting pissed up regularly as a young un is a crime

Evenin' all, still hot so need a cold pint ( with ice cubes) ah, I see Gaston the ferret is in tonight adding to the lumpiness of the sawdust, urgh!
Will this heatwave never end?
Will the beer glasses ever be washed?
Will anyone ever find my leopard skin hat?
Will all grans on GN ever be sober?
All good questions, so answers on a postcard please, no later than Saturday.

Glasses all washed and sparkling , Gertrude the ferret having a sleep in a leopard skin hat and heatwave broken in the south and sober not an option in this bar, anything else?!

Hang on, hang on, hang on! Just a minute roses! Can't you see there's a queue in front of you? I've been standing at this bar waiting for me pint of Beered Lady bitter for over 2 hours and you just walk in here, shove poor old Gaston out of the way and demand your pint! Who the devil do you think you are, eh? and you look ridiculous in that leopard print hat by the way.

Oh Menopaws you've done a stirling job cleaning out this bar, I must say. I'm afraid the "clientele" are a little rough around the edges especially that roses and Marydoll who regularly fall asleep face down in their pork scratchings. I do hope you can bring some finesse to this rabble rousing lot. Although you'll have your work cut out.

Oh dear! I didn't realise Gabrielle the ferret had
been sleeping in the hat. That explains the slimy mess in my hair. I thought someone had been sick in my hair, as they usually do.
Sorry Roses, I borrowed the hat as some of us feel the cold badly, due to our advancing years and there is no heatwave where I live.

Well, now be as good a time as any to tell you that George has fleas!

So that is what's causing the itch! What a relief

There's never a good time to tell anybody that Chewy !
Get Georgette to the vet immediately if not sooner.
Am still too hot.....off to watch tv , so will leave you lovely lot to clear up the bar,
See you for coffee in the morning.

You're all lightweights, I've had a lock in all on my own! {hic}. I started off with my usual cider and black and a packet of someone's nuts and now am lying under an optic, don't know what it is and frankly don't care. Those pink elephants dance beautifully, com'n Len, give 'em more than a Severn! mate! It's a good job I put mi Tena lady on, saves mi gettin up! ?

Just changed the barrel of Bearded Lady so ready for tonight and think I'm going to invent some new cocktails to bring a bit of class to the place. Any ideas re content and names welcome. How about one called Tena Extra Large using a whisky base for authentic colour!! Too much??

Shall I get some bottles of Fursty Ferret in?

Ruby Welcome to the cafe. It's great to see you.
Don't worry about the Tena, Ana keep a supply in house with the sick bags or Chewy or Roses will lend you one.

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OK just put in a new order for beers folks.

Good job menopaws

Will they lend me a tenner too?!

What about a cocktail called "Sticky Wicket" to celebrate Gwendoline the ferret? It could be dark brown in colour to reflect the mess he/she leaves in his/her wake (and in MD's hair). It could be a mixture of Kahlua, Guinness, and porter.
Anyway, we are all going to be on a sticky wicket anyway, at the end of the night. That is, if we make it that far.
Anya and Menopaws, thanks for all the hard work, I am too tired to help

I could do with a cocktail called 'Foot in Mouth'....no idea what it should contain....perhaps Absinthe as that is supposed to help you forget.....I do get into trouble for saying the first thing that comes into my mouth.....Did it this morning was talking about a picture in yesterday's Times of three very large ladies in swim suits on the beach.....quite forgetting the person I mentioned it too has a Mum built on similar lines....I'm no judgemental skinny.....am what's commonly called curvy.....but oh dear driving away it suddenly hit me!!!!

I'm touched that you want to name a cocktail after my beloved ferret, Gwillym. I'm so honoured and chuffed and he will be too. I'll tell him, as soon as he comes down out of Marydoll's backcombed, bleached beehive hairdo. could take him a while, it's a mess in there folks.
Anya don't worry about paying the brewery for more kegs of bitter. Rubylady is filthy rich and will easily afford to pick up the tab for everything we need. And she's very generous!

Menopaws Rubylady will give you a tenner. Heck, she'll give you £100 if you want it, won't you Rubylady ?

Didn't say I was going to pay the brewery for the new ales Chew they've donated 5 kegs of each.

Their CEOs said they've heard of GN and reckon it's good free advertising.

Ought I to have checked with GNHQ first?

But in future will charge them against Ruby's bar bill.

Bargain Anya! But just a word to the wise..... Marydoll is a bit of a lush on the quiet. Might be best to keep a couple back for when she's gone home passed out.

Hilda there, there....not to worry, you've two options. You can try Soop's Kitchen for understanding, tea and cakes OR you can nip behind the bar (taking care not to step on Galahad) and help yourself to a pint of Whatever Takes Yer Fancy and some pork scratchings.

Chew's around and I expect all the others and they'll cheer you up with a Knees Up. Anyone recommend a good brave piano tuner?

I hear you Chew (had me own suspicions)