Having a terrible day

Luckygirl I can offer nothing but some sympathy.
It must affect people in different ways, my neighbour had PD but the symptoms seemed to remain physical.

Do you need to keep this from the DC or would they rather know and offer you some practical help and respite?

Ow, Lucky, can't say anything but send you (((Hugs))). It must be so difficult fir you. We are here for you!

I think that your children would like to know what is going on. Your Dh is their father after all

Oh lucky that is so hard. Maybe, just maybe, your children are entitled to know about their Dad?

My DHs Dad was we found out after the death of his Mum quite ill mentally, but she had successfully kept it from us until she died. The tragedy was that because of his unpleasant behaviour we kept away. We so wish we had know as we would have been so different with him.

I do hope tomorrow is better, but you can't deal with it entirely on your own and you shouldn't try.

Luckygirl, so sorry to read your post. Apologies for this but what is PD?
i understand the reasons we try to protect our grandchildren and their parents. My mum tried to shelter her adul children from dad's deterioration. I understand why but we were all aware and found it difficult to broach the subject because we didn't want to make it more difficult for her. I've no easy answers but it's something to reflect on, that is whether to begin to be more open with your children at a time when you feel strong enough
I'm not trying to encourage you to do something you feel wouldn't help. Sending positive thoughts

It's Parkinson's Disease Iam64

My aunt had it many years ago and my dear neighbour.

Pd is Parkinson's disease.

Lucky my heart goes out to you. Please don't try and take all this on your own shoulders - let your family help you. ?

Sending {{{hugs}}} Lucky and maybe some

Because of the nature of the delusions it would be very difficult to talk with the children about this - his behaviour towards them is mentally totally normal and towards everyone else. They know how weak he has become though.

I fear telling them because the nature of the delusions would shock them. I also value my OH's self-respect and dignity - I would not want to take that away from him in relation to his family.

It is such a grim disease. We do not know whether it is the start of PD dementia or (hopefully) the effect of some of his many medications - but he has been on them for years, so it is a bit of a faint hope.

So sorry Luckygirl
I can only hope that tomorrow is a better day for both you and your DH.

Maybe the time has come to share with your DC.
They will want to offer some support and not see their DM bend under such a heavy burden.

Wishing you both a peaceful night

I know that our DC get very annoyed if we keep anything from them, but equally I can hear myself or DH saying 'don't tell the children'.

It's a dilemma.

Right with you Lucky, fully understand xx

I think this is too much for you to take on on your own Luckygirl I think your children would be upset to think that you didn't feel able to share it with them. I don't think it would affect the way they feel about him, they've known him all their lives after all. When DH was hospitalised for two weeks with delusions and hallucinations DD took over all the legal side of things and was a great help.

Sorry I cross posted with your last post.
Yes I totally understand that there are things that you want to keep private
I did with my father.

But is it not possible to share with your DC how PD is affecting you as a carer without going into detail.

I have read sensible and toughtful advice that you have shared with other GNers luckgirl

Would it be helpful to consider the advice you would give to someone else in your situation?

Thank you for all your kind and very helpful posts. It has been one of the worst days since he became ill and makes me a bit frightened for the future. Poor man - what a terrible thing to happen to him. It is very sad.

I will give some thought as to what to say to my family. I am trying to be honest with him about what communications are needed and not to do these things behind his back, as this will feed the paranoia.

Some Lucky type posts on here Lucky. Maybe you are too close to the situation.

I'm so sorry to read of your problems, Luckygirl. I know someone caring for her Dh with PD and another with early-onset dementia. The burden is immense and whatever you decide about your children, you need as much support as you can muster.

Thanks, I'd thought PD was Parkinson's but wanted to be sure.
Please look after yourself Luckygirl. Have been you talked to your GP about the changes in your husband ?

Luckyirl , my OH has PD and related dementia , but he just tries to ring neighbours and sell cattle !! Yesterday he was convinced he was in Australia , it is usually related to something he overhears or sees on TV . There is no way I can keep his condition from my Children . Another point is he is much worse and very agitated when he has a UTI . This can be really bad , so now he is on permanent antibiotics . It is so wearing to have to keep reassuring him that he is home in his own house and to not have a sensible conversation , the delusions you mention can be the side effect of one of the tablets , OH took up gambling not the side effect I think you mean !! sadly he is chairbound and can no longer work the phone or the computer or we would be broke !! , you do have to laugh or you would spend the day in tears .Please confide in someone , you cannot bear this alone , the children might not be as shocked as you think

luckygirl you need to share this with your children. Leave them to decide what to tell the DGC but you cannot bear this alone. It is not disloyalty to,your DH it is HONESTY

Luckygirl I understand why you don't want the children to know every sad detail about their Father, you want them to think of him as he was.I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.?

aggie - I am sorry that your OH also has this problem. My OH's delusions are totally related and directed to me and the children do not see it happening. He still has sufficient internalised social constraints not to say these things when the children are there.

Thank you all for your kindness.

Luckygirl, Even though your children don't see or hear what is happening I really think you should tell them. Sooner or later your OH's delusions may be aimed at them so they need to be prepared.

It's heartbreaking for you and a lot to bear but please share it with your family.

I don't have any words of wisdom, I really wish I did, hope tomorrow is a bit brighter for you and your DH